All The Small Things

My life is turning into a soapy.

I was down at a meeting with some girlfriends tonight, telling them the first part of this story, and then I said, "God, you guys will be sick of hearing about this stuff. I'm sorry." One of them says, "No, we never get sick of talking with you... it saves me having to watch Home and Away for a start!" We all laughed - they do cheer me up.

My girlfriends are funny. (Funny ha-ha, not funny perculiar)

So for two updates:

1) We no longer have a date. Nicky has again had to put a stop to her countdown of "how many sleeps" until she goes off to big girl school.

I got a phone call this evening from my lawyer, who had heard from Mr. D.'s lawyer. They will be asking for a continuance tomorrow, instead of presenting their case. That means that the judge will adjourn the matter to allow them up to another 28 days to prepare their case against us, and we just have to wait.

Then, after that time, we can apply for another court date.

So worst case scenario, Nicky wont be starting for at least another month.

However, my lovely lawyer is going to push for the judge to set a soonish date for Mr. D.'s team to have their stuff done, so that we can get back to Court ASAP, and therefore get Nicky into school ASAP. We're hoping that they'll be awarded a week, and then we'll be back into it.

I had to ring around like a mad thing to cancel all my plans - I have a bunch of girlfriends who want to come with me to the court, to support me. They'd organised babysitters, rearranged appointments, and organised their day around my court time. I have the best girlfriends in the world.

So that wasn't very good news really. I just feel terrible for little Nicky, who deserves so much better than this rubbish. Mr. D. is a dick. I begin to hate him.

Particularly when he rang us at the meeting (which was being hosted in the back bistro of our local pub) and had a go at me for having Nicky at the pub. We were at a meeting, nowhere near the bar, and he used to take her to the pub every day when he was working there. When he has a go at me for things like that I really can't handle it.

 

2) GM called me this evening. To apologise.

He still didn't remember what he'd done - but he got me to tell him in detail so that he knew. And he apologised profusely. Repeatedly. With great sincerity. For both his actions on Saturday night, and for "Being weak as piss and a shithead asshole for not calling sooner."

We talked at length about this, and how I deserve better. Much much better.

I put my decision to him, that unless he gets treatment for his drinking, I won't date him. And I asked him to take a couple of days to think about it, because it wasn't a decision that he could go back on when it suited him. If he chooses to get the treatment, and I decide to stay with him, then that is a decision that has responsibility attached to it. It doesn't mean that he has to marry me, or that he's promising to spend eternity with me, but it does mean that he is committing to a course of action. That he is committing to me for the forseeable future. It doesn't mean that he can change his mind next week if it gets too hard.

We talked about Nicky, and how this decision will affect her. Introducing them was a big step for me, and I will not have her safety, or happiness compromised by his behaviour. If he chooses to stay, then he has a responsibility to Nicky as well as to me and himself.

I let him know that he would not be getting a second chance here. That this was a big decision for me, that I was making a decision for Nicky and myself, and that it was my responsibility to choose well. I told him that I would not tolerate that kind of behaviour around Nicky or myself, and that the only reason I was giving him this one chance was because I felt that the behaviour was brought on by alcohol, and not his innate nature. If he was prepared to give up the drinking, and get treatment, then I would look at being in a relationship with him. Look at it.

We're going to meet on Thursday evening and decide.

I'm going to have a think about this for the next couple of days.

I thank all of you who have commented - especially those who think that offered to inflict pain / eat sandwiches / hug me / prick my self esteem.

Believe me when I say that I am thinking this over very very carefully.

I know my worth here. I'm not going to stay with him because I have poor self esteem - I know that I am an intelligent, articulate, strong beautiful woman, and I deserve to be treated as such. I can do better than someone who gets pissed and falls down. I can do better than someone who fails to apologise because they are afraid what my reaction might be, or that I might hate them.

I am not going to stay with him because it is easy. Because if I choose to stay with him it will not be easy. If he chooses to give up drinking and seek treatment, then that is going to take committment. He's contending with a culture in this place that isn't going to support him. So if I choose to stay, it won't be easy.

 

Big decisions, important decisions. Decisions not to be taken lightly.