All The Small Things

I was sooo motivated when I got home from work today.

I got changed into my boots and work gear, and headed out the back to dig up the apple tree saplings that had sprouted up all over the yard. They are tough little buggers to get out, so by the time I'd finished that I was sweaty and gross.

But not done in, no siree.

I headed inside, cleaned up, and then cooked a chicken and vegetable risotto for dinner. And I didn't even burn it. Go me etc.

 

Then I decided that I would simultaenously prune my lavenders and do a load of washing. This is where I think I come unstuck. I shouldn't try to do more than one thing at once.

I flooded my laundry.

I actually managed to walk in and out of the laundry four or five times before I realised that there was water on the floor.  This tells me four things:

1. I walk with my head held high (and therefore didn't see the flooded floor...)

2. I have my iPod up too loud (and didn't hear the sloshing as I walked...)

3. My blundstone boots really are very waterproof. I shall now wear them in damp weather with confidence. Roll on winter - I AM READY FOR YOU!!

4. I should ensure that the drain is clear before starting the washing machine.  BEFORE.

 

So now I've almost finished cleaning that up, and I'm having to do more washing than planned so that I can clear the washing that was waiting to be done and is now all wet. Yay! I should still be pegging out at 3am at this rate.

 

On the upside, I won't have to do it on the weekend, and that will leave much more time for getting myself into the sorts of entertaining trouble that we have all come to love and enjoy reading about.

 

However, on that head, I am feeling really quite heartbroken and heart sore still. This is getting a bit rediculous. The guy left me for beer. Seriously. I should not be missing him and feeling like I want to have him in my life still, should I?

I'm having these little day dreams that he's going to come to his senses and realise that I'm a way better thing to have in his life than several slabs of VB, then come back to me and ask me to go out with him again. While I am completely congnizant of how sad this is, I can't stop these thoughts coming in.

Would I even say "Yes darling GM" and go running back into his warm safe loving arms? I don't know. I'd like to think I have more self esteem than that, but at the same time, I love him.

And I'm not going to think any more on that... cross that bridge etc.

 

Anyway. Tomorrow is another day, and a day I shall face with much ironing and folding to get through, but also a very clean laundry. Every cloud has a silver lining, does it not?

Before I write the rest of this, I want to make it very clear that I am referring only to the people with penises from Sassville, and not those hailing from further a field, or those with whom I am friends. This includes the husbands and significant others of my girlfriends, as well as lovely people like my grandfathers and my dad.

I’m probably referring to my brother, but not in an incest way – in a “I think he may treat other women with disrespect and that disgusts me and he should know better” kind of way.

 

Now. That being said:

  

ALL MEN ARE ARSES.

   

Friday night, I went out in Sassville, and was asked by all and sundry how GM was.

 

“I don’t know. We broke up.”

 

“Oh!… So your single then?” *evil glint appears in their eyes* Then BAM! BAM BAM BAM!!

 

(That my friends, is the sound of not so subtle hitting. Hitting. On me.)

 

I. Have. Only. Been. Single. For. Five. Days. Back. The. Hell. Away.

 

One very enterprising and extremely pissy gent arrived on my doorstep, and as I considered this person a friend, I let him in. We sat upon my couch, and ate some biscuits and dip (the snack of which I am most enamoured at this moment). We talked about his girlfriend, who has just moved away, and all the time with the BAM BAM BAM-ing. Eventually he got the hint that I wasn’t going to be participating in any shenanigans, and he left, saying “Well, I’m not getting anywhere here. I’m going.”

 

With friends like these, etc.

    

So Saturday I decided to be a good little girl and stay home, so as to avoid a repeat of the horridness of the night just passed. Around eight, as I was just starting to do my dishes, there came a knock at the door. It was The Tease. Now this in itself was odd, he’s been to my place before, but he would never come in. We’d talk out on the steps, or sit on the fence, or he’d pull up in his car, but he’d never come to the door, or in.

So I let him in, and he came through to the kitchen while I finished up my dishes. We just chatted for a while, then he say’s that he has to go out to his farm to check on a cow. Would I like to come? What an odd proposition… but hey, I like cows and baby cows, and most things cow related, as well as having an evening stretching out in front of me with nothing of interest happening, so I said yes.

 

So I went for a drive with The Tease, out to his farm. (For those who are not interested in any thing agricultural, you may wish to skip the next paragraph or two.) The Teases’ farm, might I say, is the prettiest, most beautifully set out, and even in the drought, quite the most beautiful farm I’ve seen. No rubbish tips, no wraps lying about, just lovely even paddocks with well-maintained fences, and fat happy moo cows.

 

We drove up to the house, and were greeted by two lovely working dogs. The Tease introduced me, and then gave a demonstration of their skills. They were really very beautifully trained; he could get them to do the most amazing things, just with whistles, finger clicks and hand motions. It was most impressive. (If you’re into that sort of thing. I can almost hear Mrs. Macca mocking me!!) He trained them himself, and was clearly proud of his achievements, as well he should have been.

 

Anyway, we then went into his house. He gave me a tour of the place, every room. Lovely house, built initially by his great great grandfather, and extended by his family in the generations that followed. It was just beautiful. I love old buildings, and this had all the prerequisites that make me go “ooooohhh”, like lovely ceilings and elegantly proportioned rooms.

So he then said that he had to get ready for a party that he was going to that evening, so he’d have to have a quick shower. I didn’t mind, and he set me up in the lounge room. He asked me if I was going to the party, I said no as I hadn’t been invited, to which he replied that there were no formal invitations and I would be welcome to come if I wanted to. I said that I’d rather not – the girl whose party it was wasn’t a particular friend of mine, and I just felt like a night on my own really.

 

So then he did a very funny thing. He went off to the shower (clearly not funny yet…) then got out of the shower, and came back to me wearing just a towel. Now I have seen The Tease in his footy gear, I’ve seen him in casual clothes, work clothes, and the like. But DEAR GOD. I never even IMAGINED that he would be THAT HOT.

 

PS: Am totally aware that my idea of HOT is not everyone’s idea of hot… I have however had this one independently verified by my work-sister, who has the most traditional view of hotness. The man is hot. Take my word for it. Take HER word for it. Her email address available on application.

 

Anyway, his sudden appearance, and his appearance full stop made me blush, and he noticed, apologised, and then went to get dressed. And this is where it got a bit funny. Funny peculiar, not funny ha ha.

 

Now if you have lived in a house for a while, you know its peculiarities, don’t you? You know where you can see if you sit in a certain spot. You know the spots where you will get a reflection around a corner, don’t you? If I sit on my couch, I know that I can see into my kitchen, part of my hall. I know that if I’m in the kitchen, that I can see the hallway reflected in the window at night times.

So why would a person choose to drop their towel and get dressed in a place where they are clearly reflected into the next room?

 

I DON’T KNOW EITHER!

 

(I just averted my eyes for the record… I really did!!! Honestly!!! Fine. Don’t believe me, whatever. What. Ever. I will maintain that I did avert them though, and you can’t prove anything. So there.)

 

So once he was dressed, he came back to where he had left me, and we chatted for a while. Then we headed back out to his car and he drove me home. And he let me out, and I went into my house, and went about my business. I lit some candles, sat on my couch with an excellent book, and some of the always-present dip and biscuits.

 

At about one am, I decided that I would go to bed. So I did. I consider this my prerogative, in my own house, to go to bed and get to sleep when I want. So I went to bed. And two minutes after I turned off the light, there was a knock on the door.

So I went out to answer the door, and it was The Tease.

 

I don’t even know what happened there. Why did he arrive on my doorstep? Why me? Why did he not go to any one of his other friends in town? Who knows.

 

He arrived on my doorstep, and asked if I could give him a bed for the night. I have in the past done this for other people, and having been to his farm earlier in the day, I know how far he lives out of town. So I said yes. Sure, I could make him up a bed for the night.

 

Long story short I guess, but the gist of it is BAM BAM BAM.

 

Isn’t it funny. Some things are too private and difficult to explain and complex in their very nature to even commit to words. I was trying to write about this, to write the long story, and I haven’t been able to find the words that encompass the mood and the moment and the movement, without painting one or the other of us in a light undeserved. He is a good guy, I’m a nice person.

 

There is undeniably been attraction between us from the outset, from the very first time that we met. Perhaps, at some time down the track, it may have even gone further than friendship, but now its just ruined. I feel awful, and I think he does too.

 

I guess I’m just trying to say that I felt that if he had approached me in a different way, at a different time, he would have gotten a different response, and that that response could have led to something beautiful. But instead, there were the two of us, each a little damaged, each hurting, and as a result, his overtures merely poisoned what pleasant feeling there was between us to start with.

He left, and I was left feeling that we had both made a grave error. Me in letting him in, and him in coming in the first place.

 

Sigh.

  

I just want some time and space.

 

People who are friends with GM should not be hitting on me.

 

People in general who are aware of my recent heartbreak and ache should not be hitting on me.

 

Sometimes, even when the hitting is intentioned to convey a feeling of softness and affection, it still bruises the person on the receiving end. And I’m tired of being bruised by people who purport to like me, love me even.

 I think I just want a couple of weeks to get over the last few months. That shouldn’t be too much to ask. It should be common decency that allows me that time, I think.

So on Saturday I took a trip to Melbourne with Tink to go shopping.

We got up at an ungodly hour to board the earliest train, which was due to leave the station at 6.30am. When you understand that I usually don't get up until 8.30am, then you will understand how unnatural it felt to be up, dressed and out the door that early. I even ate breakfast - I'm thinking I should probably start doing that more often.

I walked out of Tinks house in order to get into the car and drive to the station. She wanted to walk. So we walked. I'm a car girl. I like to drive. But we walked.

We boarded the train and it smelled bad. We got underway, and there were announcements that we would have to get off the train halfway there and get on a bus, due to lineworks. I love travelling by train. Did I mention that I'm a car girl?

So the conductress came through to clip our tickets and... well just clip our tickets I guess. That would be a sweet job I think. Just walk up and down the train clipping tickets. How easy is that? Anyway, she told us that our carriage sucked, and we could move if we wanted to, so Tink and I did.

It wasn't a very eventful trip, but it was a lovely chance to catch up with Tink, and we chatted the whole way. There were some cuties sitting in front of us on the bus, so that was nice, and we only ended up being about twenty minutes late, which for V/Line is a bloody miracle!!

Anyway, we discovered when we got to Southern Cross Station that they have got a DFO there, so we spent four hours just shopping and we got some excellent bargains.

We found the most stunning dresses for a start, for the weddings that are upcoming, and I got shoes and necklaces for the same. The ensemble is gorgeous - I'll post up some photo's when I get them.

I also bought a beautiful new coat, its almost a trench, but it's a lovely soft felt type material, and it fits in all the right places.

We met up with Almost and a friend of his in the city and passed a lovely afternoon, we played word association games, debated the virtues of breastfeeding in public and to an older age, and the friend, whom I shall call BD, and I made up some lovely tall tales over dinner. All in all a most wonderful afternoon.

Then Tink and I got back to the station, and caught the train home. Sort of.

The train was really, really late.

Again, Tink and I talked all the way home, and that was good. I'm looking forward to the weddings.

We didn't get home until after Midnight, and then we had to walk with our various goods and chattels back to Tinks house. I was cursing that we hadn't bought the car. I like my car.

So in closing, I will look hot at the weddings, and I like my car (even though its a Ford).

So GM came round and his decision was in the negatory. So we have broken up.

Really, after taking that long to think about it, it was pretty much what I had expected. Not what I was hoping for, but what I expected. I told him so. I think we'll still be friends. I hope so.

So now I am single.

And while I am upset, I'm not completely crushed. I'm not crying or anything. Perhaps that makes me heartless. I really love/d him, and I care for him deeply. Can that just stop?

I guess I should be thankful that I had time to adjust to the idea that we might break up, and that I had the chance to say everything that I wanted to say to him. Maybe thats why I feel so OK with it.

I loved being with him, I loved working alongside him, I loved the way he treated me when he treated me well. I loved waking up next to him, and the way he held my hand.

But I won't miss being forgotten regularly, or having to "train" him. I won't miss the drinking. I won't miss how he treated me when he wasn't treating me well.

I'll miss his lovely family.

I won't miss cleaning up his grotty house!! Or teenagers getting smashed!! Or 18ths!!!!!!!!!!

I'll miss being "GM's missus", but I rather love just being Sass, so I think that'll be fine.

I'm not looking forward to the "I told you so's" from my work-sister.

 

I don't know how I'm going to explain it to Nicky.

 

 

That will have to wait for a while anyway - the case is up on Thursday, and I got Mr. D.'s papers from my lovely lawyer on Friday.

His claims were hurtful, but more than that they were amusing. I have never read a document that was so poorly constructed, full of contradiction, spelling errors, and tense changes. I feel more confident after reading it that the judgement will go my way. To give you an idea of the lengths that they went to to discredit me, my affidavit was four pages... Mr. D. and HER, combined, 37 pages.

Yes, she also had an affidavit. Because this is her business and stuff. Clearly. Her. Business. OUR daughter, HER business.

One thing that they say (among claims that I'm evil, ride a broomstick, and don't feed my daughter) is that my personal life is unstable (LOL!! The IRONY!!!) so I'm going to have to keep the events of the past few weeks on the down low until after Thursday at least. Does anyone else think that after six months of awesome stability with GM, its funny that things turn to shit NOW? Not next week, when it wouldn't really matter so much, but right NOW?

I find that amusing.

In a wry little smile kind of way.

But I would (and will) maintain that as far as Nicky is concerned, this is a beautiful stable place to be. I give her a good and happy home, filled with love and laughter and friends. I'm a good mum.

So I guess its time to drag out and brush off the old quiz!! 

 

I think that last sentence gives the impression that I'm excited to be single. I'm not. I don't even know how I feel. Apathetic perhaps. But thats not right either. Maybe I'm just tired and over it, but generally happy with my life.

 

I am actually, despite everything, pretty happy with my life right now. Thats got to be a good thing, doesn't it.

My life is turning into a soapy.

I was down at a meeting with some girlfriends tonight, telling them the first part of this story, and then I said, "God, you guys will be sick of hearing about this stuff. I'm sorry." One of them says, "No, we never get sick of talking with you... it saves me having to watch Home and Away for a start!" We all laughed - they do cheer me up.

My girlfriends are funny. (Funny ha-ha, not funny perculiar)

So for two updates:

1) We no longer have a date. Nicky has again had to put a stop to her countdown of "how many sleeps" until she goes off to big girl school.

I got a phone call this evening from my lawyer, who had heard from Mr. D.'s lawyer. They will be asking for a continuance tomorrow, instead of presenting their case. That means that the judge will adjourn the matter to allow them up to another 28 days to prepare their case against us, and we just have to wait.

Then, after that time, we can apply for another court date.

So worst case scenario, Nicky wont be starting for at least another month.

However, my lovely lawyer is going to push for the judge to set a soonish date for Mr. D.'s team to have their stuff done, so that we can get back to Court ASAP, and therefore get Nicky into school ASAP. We're hoping that they'll be awarded a week, and then we'll be back into it.

I had to ring around like a mad thing to cancel all my plans - I have a bunch of girlfriends who want to come with me to the court, to support me. They'd organised babysitters, rearranged appointments, and organised their day around my court time. I have the best girlfriends in the world.

So that wasn't very good news really. I just feel terrible for little Nicky, who deserves so much better than this rubbish. Mr. D. is a dick. I begin to hate him.

Particularly when he rang us at the meeting (which was being hosted in the back bistro of our local pub) and had a go at me for having Nicky at the pub. We were at a meeting, nowhere near the bar, and he used to take her to the pub every day when he was working there. When he has a go at me for things like that I really can't handle it.

 

2) GM called me this evening. To apologise.

He still didn't remember what he'd done - but he got me to tell him in detail so that he knew. And he apologised profusely. Repeatedly. With great sincerity. For both his actions on Saturday night, and for "Being weak as piss and a shithead asshole for not calling sooner."

We talked at length about this, and how I deserve better. Much much better.

I put my decision to him, that unless he gets treatment for his drinking, I won't date him. And I asked him to take a couple of days to think about it, because it wasn't a decision that he could go back on when it suited him. If he chooses to get the treatment, and I decide to stay with him, then that is a decision that has responsibility attached to it. It doesn't mean that he has to marry me, or that he's promising to spend eternity with me, but it does mean that he is committing to a course of action. That he is committing to me for the forseeable future. It doesn't mean that he can change his mind next week if it gets too hard.

We talked about Nicky, and how this decision will affect her. Introducing them was a big step for me, and I will not have her safety, or happiness compromised by his behaviour. If he chooses to stay, then he has a responsibility to Nicky as well as to me and himself.

I let him know that he would not be getting a second chance here. That this was a big decision for me, that I was making a decision for Nicky and myself, and that it was my responsibility to choose well. I told him that I would not tolerate that kind of behaviour around Nicky or myself, and that the only reason I was giving him this one chance was because I felt that the behaviour was brought on by alcohol, and not his innate nature. If he was prepared to give up the drinking, and get treatment, then I would look at being in a relationship with him. Look at it.

We're going to meet on Thursday evening and decide.

I'm going to have a think about this for the next couple of days.

I thank all of you who have commented - especially those who think that offered to inflict pain / eat sandwiches / hug me / prick my self esteem.

Believe me when I say that I am thinking this over very very carefully.

I know my worth here. I'm not going to stay with him because I have poor self esteem - I know that I am an intelligent, articulate, strong beautiful woman, and I deserve to be treated as such. I can do better than someone who gets pissed and falls down. I can do better than someone who fails to apologise because they are afraid what my reaction might be, or that I might hate them.

I am not going to stay with him because it is easy. Because if I choose to stay with him it will not be easy. If he chooses to give up drinking and seek treatment, then that is going to take committment. He's contending with a culture in this place that isn't going to support him. So if I choose to stay, it won't be easy.

 

Big decisions, important decisions. Decisions not to be taken lightly.

And the date is Valentines Day.

 

In light of recent events, I think this is the universes way of either laughing at me, or alternatively, giving me something better to think about on the big day. I'm choosing to believe the latter.

Anyway, please think a happy thought or seven for me at 10am on Wednesday.

 

 

 

Update from the last entry: Still haven't heard a thing.

Enough to attend an alcohol rehabilitation program GM?

Because thats the only thing that is going to change my mind and stop me from breaking up with you the next time I see you.

 

 

Friday night was an interesting one, and obviously quite a lot happened.

I'll skip to the important bit, so as to save us all some time.

Basically, we'd been at the pub. GM stayed longer and went harder than me, as usual. Longer and harder than everyone actually. As usual.

He stumbled home, and I do mean stumbled, around one am. I took him to bed, tucked him up. He told me he loved me, and we snuggled down to sleep.

Then at four am he woke up. And he pee-d on my floor.

And I woke up, because I heard him, and I asked him to stop. I told him to stop. I implored him to stop.

And he just looked at me, and kept peeing on my floor. It was like he couldn't see me, like he was looking right through me.

I jumped up and went to get some towels to clean up the mess - I got back to the bedroom and I handed him a towel and told him to help me clean up. And then he did look at me, and he saw me, but I don't think he recognised me, and it wasn't GM in there.  I don't know who it was, but it wasn't GM.

He threw the towel back at me.

Then he called me an f-ing, c-ing, s.l.u.t. and he got out his wallet, and he threw money at me and told me to f-off. Then he called me variations of the above while he pulled on his clothes, wet from his urine, and then he came towards me.

Me, who was standing there, holding the towels, asking him to stop - telling him this wasn't him, that he wasn't awake, asking him to stop.

Then he grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me backwards until I hit the door. All the time, swearing and calling me an f-ing, c-ing, b.i.t.c.h, w.h.o.r.e, or s.l.u.t..

He headed for the front door. When he got there, he couldn't get it open, so I went to help him. I unlocked the door and he shoved me out of the way and I hit the wall.

He left, carrying his shoes, and I was just worried about him. How stupid is that. I was worried that he would get in his car and drive away and kill himself. But he didn't drive away, he went in the other direction, around the corner and presumably down the street.

So I txted his brother, and asked him to come help me. There was no reply. I thought I'd go for a quick walk and see if I could find GM. I rounded the corner, and there he was.

Asleep on the footpath.

With his shoes neatly sitting beside him.

 

So I sat with him, as he lay there snoring. And I sat there for two hours. And he didn't wake up. And I was afraid to try to wake him, in case he hit me, or hurt me.

So I just sat there. In the cold. Being bitten by mosquitos. For two hours. While he slept.

 

I don't know what I was thinking for those two hours. I guess part of me was just hoping that it was a dream and that I would wake up. Or that he would wake up and be my GM again.

But I didn't. And he didn't either. And after two hours of sitting in the cold, I decided that I would go home, to my nice comfortable bed, and he could just stay there, in the cold, and that was his problem.

So by this time it was about six thirty. I slid into bed, fully clothed, and tried to get to sleep. Not with any great measure of success mind you. Then at seven I heard someone climb my front steps and keys rustling.

I went to the door and saw GM opening the door of his car. I ran out the front, and he saw me. He lit the cigarette that he had retrieved from his car and shut the door.

He didn't say anything, he just walked up to where I was standing.

He looked at me. And he didn't say a thing.

And I asked him if he knew what he'd done the night before.

And he said that he didn't remember. So I told him. And he just looked at me.

And then he said "Sorry. Obviously I'm a dickhead. Sorry." And he didn't say it in an apologetic voice, it was a voice that said, you are making a big deal of this, and it means nothing.

And I told him that that wasn't good enough. I deserved a better apology than that.

Then our local policeman drove around the corner. GM said, well, Local Copper is driving me home. Bye.

And he walked over to the car, and he got in and they drove off, and he didn't even look at me.

 

And all this time, I never cried. And I was feeling like I was standing just two inches out of my skin, and this was all going to stop any minute.

 

I went back to bed, and slept until about twelve. I was sitting on the couch talking on the phone to my grandmother when his brother dropped him off to pick up his car. He got out of his brothers car and he looked up to my window, and we looked at one another.

Then he turned around and walked into my next door neighbours house, and he stayed there for over an hour.

I expected, I guess, that he would come and talk to me. Apologise. Something.

I tried to keep myself occupied, I got myself a drink, I went to the bathroom, I made my bed.

And somewhere in there, somewhere between an hour and a quarter and an hour and a half, he got into his car and he left.

Without seeing me.

Without apologising.

Without anything.

 

And then I cried.

I cried and I cried and I cried and I cursed my stupidity.

 

And then I got a bit angry. And the more I thought about it, the more angry I got. Because I deserve better than that. I deserve better than to be treated that way, and I deserve an apology.

And I will not stay with someone who treats me in that manner.

 

I have no doubt that it was the alcohol that brought this behaviour on. He wasn't himself, and sober, it would never have happened.

But unless he is prepared to make a commitment to be sober and to recieve treatment for his alcohol abuse, then I will not waste my time with him.

I deserve better, and I will not have that behaviour around Nicky.

 

Its been two days, and he hasn't been near me. I'm not sure what I'm angrier about now. That he treated me badly, or that he hasn't even apologised. That is weak. Sure, its not the easiest thing in the world to approach me after treating me like that - but I'll be damned if I'm going to call him.

Actions have consequences, and those consequences have to be faced up to. Thats life. Thats reality.

Things with the court case are finally moving along. My lovely lawyer is working really hard on it, and we should be getting a court date in the early part of next week.

I'm desperately hoping and praying that my lovely little girl will be able to spend her fifth birthday at school with her friends.

For that to happen, we have just under a fortnight to get this thing done.

Go... TEAM!

"I love you more than I want it to rain."

 

That's a lot.

 

I challenge you to come up with a better answer.

 

I love my man. I love when he say's things like that.

 

 

In other news, my ex, that tool, just rang the Primary School here and abused them, because Nicky is doing work with me out of school hours. Which he already knew, because I'd already told him.

Tool.

 

The contrast is interesting, don't you think?

So Friday I was such a good girl. I planned all day for the meal that I was going to cook my man, on the evening before he went away and left me to my own devices for the weekend. (Foolish man!)

Well, at least I was good... until I headed along to the butchers to pick up the unique and rather pricey cut that I had decided on for dinner. The purveyer of fine meats asked me if I were going to head around to the pub, and absolutely twisted my arm you understand, so I had no choice but to say yes.

I went back to work then, and my plan was to meet that young gentleman around at the bar once I had finished locking up - but he actually arrived at my work to take me around. So we walked around to the pub together, and purchased a beverage (or three), and comandeered the pool table.

Shortly after we had begun playing, and just mucking about and teasing one another as per usual, two new gents joined us in the bar. I hadn't seen them before and they clearly weren't locals. They struck up conversation, and one of them was incredibly cute.

We started playing doubles, and the butchering man and I were playing against them. Suddenly the cute one says, "So how long have you guys been married?" We both collapsed on the floor and immediately passed out because we were laughing so hard we could no longer breathe. (Actually, I kind of wish that had happened, because the really cute one was a nurse!) How freaking funny is that! We then informed the two newcomers of the existance of butchering man's very gorgeous girlfriend, and of my own lovely man.

Then the questions started from the cute one. "So are you staying out tonight?" "No, I'm going home to cook my lovely man dinner." "Why isn't he cooking you dinner?"

I found this to be rather impertinant, however, as I couldn't come up with a decent answer off the top of my head, I asked the butcher man... "Why doesn't GM cook me dinner?" "Because its GM!"

So to the cute one: "Because its GM!"

"You aren't going to marry him, are you?" This was more a statement than a question. Read it again, with a sense of certainty that the answer is a no, and you'll have the tone in which he said it. Again, I found this rather impertinant. I don't even know this person, he sure as hell doesn't know me, and he doesn't know my GM.

Luckily I was saved from having to answer that one by an announcement from the butchering man that he was off home. I gave him a hug goodbye, and off he went. I then finished my beverage, had a final game of pool with the two newcomers, and then I also left, bidding farewell to the cute one and his friend. I am oddly pleased to report that despite the cute one being cute - and believe me, he was really very attractive, he wasn't a patch on my lovely man, and it was with great joy that I looked forward to seeing that delightful poo splattered critter.

I drove out to my lovely mans house, in order to cook him dinner as previously arranged. And... yes, you guessed it. He wasn't home. I sighed a little sigh, but wasn't actually all that surprised.

So I put my lovely cut of meat and the salad that I'd made in the fridge, the spices and other things that I'd bought with me onto the benches, and I set off to his parents house in search of him. I had assumed that he would finish milking and then just stay at his place and wait for me, apparently I was wrong. I got up to his parents place, and yes, he was there. We sat about and talked to his dad for a while, and then we set off for his place. He hadn't forgotten me - he'd had to do some watering and he'd taken his little sister to help him, so he'd needed to drop her off at the house. Hey, at least he hadn't forgotten, and the farm work doesn't wait unfortunately.

We got back to his house fine, I put dinner on, he pegged out some washing. It was very domestic. Dinner was a supurb success (OK, OK, so I may have had to have two goes at getting the meat to cook properly, but apart from that, it was a superb success!). We went down to turn off the pumps, and he took me round a couple of different tracks so that I could get my bearings on the layout of the paddocks and watercourses.

We stayed up late into the night, talking about all sorts of lovely things, including his plans for our future... a favourite subject of his, which never ceases to simultaenously bring me joy and amusement and a slight feeling of something ever so small and unsettled in my tummy.

This time it was about living together - this is new. We've covered the wedding, children, and employment plans for the future, but not something so immediate. His family have this lovely old house, and it had been on the market for some time. They've changed their minds about that now, and are going to restore it instead. To give you some idea of what we are talking about, imagine something in a red brick, built at the turn of the century, with lovely high pressed tin ceilings and wide halls. Polished and ornate fireplaces, sash windows, a bullnose verandah, and views so pretty that you never want to blink.

In GM's imaginings, renovations shall happen, (new kitchen, bathroom, carpets, paint, roof... just little things you understand...) then the three of us shall live in happiness in this grand place, with him doing his thing, and me doing mine, and my lovely Nicky having a lovely room of her own, and much laughter and joy all round. So goest his planning - and a lovely dream it is too.

Of course, I say, this dream shall entail some sacrifices on your own part GM. I don't know that you'd care for that in reality. Like what, he says?

"Well, you wouldn't be able to have Club GM's anymore - if you and I and Nicky were to live together then I couldn't have that around her, people traipsing in and out and getting messy and trashing the place and sleeping whereever they fall. Obviously we would entertain, but we'd have occasional parties for grownups - not for 18 year olds. It'd be very different, very quiet."

"Nah. I'd like that. I'm tired of that stuff. If *little brothers name here* didn't live with me, those parties wouldn't happen anymore anyway. Those blokes don't need me anymore. I'm getting too old for that stuff anyway. I want it to be like when we were away, or when you stayed at my place. You and me and Nicky, like a family."

"I loved that - being away with you. Looking after you, you looking after me."

"Me too. I miss sleeping with you. Like sometimes I roll over in the night and I'm talking to you, and then I realise that you aren't there, and I miss you. I like waking up with you."

This was so sweet - he really is quite delightful at times. I love him (and I can hear the yawns from here - so I shall endevour to keep the rest of this more interesting for you, patient friends!)

 

We stayed the night at his place on the farm, and in the morning we went out to feed the cows-that-you-eat. You may remember me telling you about silage - and how extremely grotty and smelly it is. Well, I figure that I kind of have to bite the bullet on these things, so I went out to see if I could get intimately aquainted with the stuff. And I did. I came home smelling a treat, lol. I only cut open two of the wraps, but it was enough to make me realise that a lot of what my GM does is thankless repetitive and unpleasant.

Oddly, that makes me even prouder of him for being so committed to his place, his animals, and his work. He's very very good at what he does. People around here respect him - and respect here is something that you have to earn. I actually think it would be wonderful to live with him out there, but I don't think that either of us are ready for that yet. We've been going out for six months now - can you even believe that its been six months?

I'm getting lost in my own tangents. What was my point? OK ---> Back to the story at hand.

So after we had fed out to the moo-moos, we headed back to GM's house, and he packed for his trip away. We said our goodbyes, and he headed off in his lovely work truck, and I in my car.

Once home, I had a shower and scrubbed like anything to get the smell off my skin. Ew.

After that - and I know that its hard to top that - but after that I rang my lovely sister and her girlfriend and asked if they would come along to the movies with me. So we went to the movies and saw "The Queen" which was rather interesting and prompted much conversation between the three of us on the way home.

I asked the girls if they would come out to Sassville for a night on the town with me, and after seriously hours of deliberation and plans for escape they decided to come with me. So we headed to the Sassville and had a freaking awesome time. I love when I'm joined in my own space by my beautiful friends, and having my sister there was even more special - if only because I don't think we've ever been out together before. Ever.

They said that they'd had a better time than they'd even hoped to - and that they will definitely come out again - which is awesome. I'm pretty stoked about that. This is where I am most myself and they liked being with me here. Thats a nice feeling - I often feel like I don't fit in with the family, and to have them choose to be with me here and enjoy that and want to repeat it is awesome.

We rolled home about 3.30am, and made an omelette. The perfect end to the perfect evening.

The Tease was at the pub, and as soon as we walked in he came over to let me know that he'd broken up with his girlfriend. We chatted about that for a while. Now there, my friends, is another one, who is hot. But not hot enough. This is a bit new for me I think.

I'm not thinking, yeah, if/when GM and I breakup, I'll definitely be looking at the Tease as a possible replacement. I'm just thinking, yeah, he's hot. Can't wait to see my GM though, so I can tell him how much I love / missed / want him, and to laugh with him and look at him and see the way he looks at me. I'm not thinking that GM and I will break up. I'm thinking that we're going to be good together for a long time if not forever.

 

This has all been a bit rambly. Sorry. I guess I'm a bit tired. Plus all I can think about is how my lovely man got home today and I get to see him tomorrow and I can't wait.