Hot Chile Wedding
So this weekend should be interesting...
I'm off to a wedding (this is the theme for financial year 06/07 I've decided, three weddings in four months - and not a thing to wear!) in Sydney this weekend.
Its my adorable little cousins wedding, or should I say its my fully grown up six foot something gorgeous funny and rather delightful cousins wedding. The girl he's getting hitched to is of Chilean heritage, and her family are coming over from Chile for the event.
I was trying to find a link to the engagement party, which I'm sure I blogged about, but I can't find it so I guess it doesn't matter. The point of the link was to demonstrate how full on the engagement party was, and how full on I expect the wedding will be.
She's having seven bridesmaids for goodness sake. Thats huge. I can't imagine that many girls getting ready for an important social event together. Crazy.
We're going down in my car, myself and Nicky, Mum, Dad and my little brother. The trip in itself should be interesting - especially now that they've announced their separation to the whole family. Despite not having actually done anything whatsoever about it as yet. They're still in the same room, eating together. If they hadn't said, I wouldn't have noticed any difference.
We're also sharing a suite in the hotel. Yay.
Have no idea what I'm going to wear. Cross that bridge when I get to it I guess. I might see if my cousin (who is currently preggers) could loan me one of her outfits. We're the same size when she's not up the duff. Or maybe I'll just wear something old and boring out of my closet. Who knows.
Interesting thing happened this evening...
The Director - remember him? His show came back to town at our request last weekend, and we had a bit of a chat before and after. He's a funny man, and I enjoyed talking to him. I was going to join the crew at the pub for a drink after the show, but I got caught up doing things cleaning up.
I emailed him this morning - in response to a funny little email he'd sent me, to organise the drop off of the cheque for the show.
And he's asked me to go to the movies with him. Or perhaps he could come out home next week, or we could catch up in town.
Shit shit shit shit shit.
I'd love to be friends with him, he's very interesting and I enjoy his company. But I'm pretty sure he'd like more than that.
I should have cleared it up when he was asking me to go to U2. I just made excuses as to why I couldn't go - but I didn't tell him about GM. I'm an idiot. I know.
GM:
Things are weird with GM at the moment. Since the McWedding of the McYear I think, its been different, but we had a bit of a run in over a different event as well, after which he (in a very drunken state) told me that sometimes he's just not sure if I'm what he wants.
Hello! Heartbreak! Long time no see!!
We had a very sensible conversation about this, during which I asked that he spend some time thinking about it, because if he wasn't sure that I was what he wanted, I'd rather know that now, so that we could end it now, than allow it to go on with me loving him wholeheartedly and inevitably feeling crushed when it ended.
So the next morning, we woke up, and he didn't remember the conversation. So I had to fill him in on what had happened. I asked him if thats how he really felt. He said 99% of the time he was desperately in love with me and wanted nothing else. But sometimes he thought about what it was like before we got together, and how he could just do whatever he wanted.
I asked him again to go away and think about it - he was going away for the weekend to Melbourne anyway, so I said, spend the weekend thinking about it. Because I need to know that we're either OK, or we're not.
He was supposed to leave at lunchtime on Saturday (our conversation took place on Friday evening / Saturday wee small hours of the morning). Saturday evening he pulled up outside my house, and came in to my house. I met him in the hall just inside the door.
He pulled me into his chest, and held me tight.
"Are you OK darlin'?" I asked
"Yeah. I just love you, and I wanted to say sorry for last night. And I want you."
"What does that mean?"
"I've thought about it, and its you that I want."
"100%?"
"100%. I love you Sass."
So that made me feel somewhat better, but we had another conversation last night that just makes me think that he doesn't feel that way, really.
We were lying in bed at my house, and we were talking about something silly. I don't even remember what. We had just finished eating icy-poles, it was hot. It was just idle conversation.
He say's you know, sometimes you do things that confuse me.
I say, like what?
He say's well, you ask odd questions.
I do. I'm not going to deny it. We talked about that for a while.
He say's, and sometimes you don't seem to be having fun when you're with me. Like at the Club GM's. You don't seem to have a good time there, and that makes me feel bad.
Well, to be honest, I don't have a good time there. I don't fit in there. I don't have anything in common with 16, 17, 18 year olds. I don't have anything in common with them. I just want to tell the girls to have more respect for themselves, or to put a jumper on or something.
Its hard for me, he say's. My mates have all packed up and left town, so those are the kids I hang out with now. And I have a great time with them. I'm just a big kid myself though.
Yeah, I know you are! We're just different, you know. I come from such a different world to you. My mates don't drink until they fall down, they never did. When I was 17 I was debating, or studying, or out riding a bike or something. I wasn't getting pissed and falling down. It wasn't me then, and it isn't me now.
We are really different. It makes me think sometimes that maybe we aren't that well suited, he says.
Do you think that its insurmountable?
No.
Me neither. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. But I had a great time at the 18th - and I had a great time at that Club GM when your mates came along - I have a fantastic time when there's someone I can talk to. I just struggle to talk to 16 year olds. And I don't understand the way that you drink. It bothers me, that you drink so much.
I don't drink every day though. I used to, but I don't anymore.
I know darlin'. You don't drink all the time, but when you do drink, you drink until you pass out - and I don't understand that.
Its just the way me and my mates have always done it though. Thats what we do.
I know.
Ah well darlin. I love you. Goodnight.
For a start, thats a very unsatisfactory end to the conversation. Secondly, he wont remember any of it today. Thirdly, I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining it that he has raised some pretty serious issues here, and more than that, I'm having issues with his drinking.
We are really different. I love him, and he loves me, but is that enough?
Or is it just that he's stressed to the absolute limit about his farm and the impending operation, and I'm stressed to the limit about Nicky and the courtcase and Mum and Dad and work and freaking everything, and we're both just a bit fragile at the moment.
All I know is that when we are together alone, its magic and amazing. When we are with his family, its magic and amazing. When we are with Nicky, its magic and amazing.
When we are with his brothers mates at a Club GM, its not. When he's out with his mates and comes home falling down, its not.
I don't know.
The Tease and I had a long involved conversation at the 18th, about different things. Turns out he doesn't feel comfortable when everyones out getting drunk either, because he never did that when he was that age either.
Amusing conversational introduction - he says "So things are good with you and GM then?"
"Yeah, they are. Surprisingly wonderful actually."
"Thats good - Bit annoyed though. If you hadn't started going out with him, I was going to have a crack at you myself."
"Oh were you just. Thankyou, I guess."
"Seriously. I think you're a top chick. GM's lucky to have you I reckon."
We went on to discuss how miserable he is at the moment, and the state of his relationship with his girlfriend, which appears to be on the rocks. His life, his work, his family, his childhood. It was one of those funny conversations where you both share things that you normally wouldn't share, and its real and sincere and you connect. And he didn't hit on me once, which was very nice, because it would have ruined it.
I'd better go to bed. This is getting rambly and incoherent - such a change from my usual!
I wonder how lovely Mr and Mrs. Macca are getting on. More than a fortnight married - Its funny how the time crawls leading up to a day like that, then rushes past afterwards.
