All The Small Things

Why Lord?

Why?

Why do you allow me to spend extended periods of time alone?

Lonely?

Writing pathetic occasionally angsty sometimes uplifting entries that mourn, vilify, or celebrate my lack of lovelife?

Why do you then send me multiple men who are charming, witty, clever and not unattractive?

Why do you send me men who see nothing but my positive features, who think I'm beautiful and want to be around me?

Why?

Why can you not send them ONE AT A TIME?

Spaced at REGULAR INTERVALS??

So that I never need feel LONELY? But never need JUGGLE either??

Why??

Why is it always

or

 

I really shouldn't be complaining, should I!

Jeez, Sass. You are never satisfied are you??

Two lovely men, each with outstanding qualities, wish to date me.

Batchelor Number One is Sam. He is our tall, funny, dancing man from the other evening.

I have actually had to rethink my previous description of him though. He's not really that handsome - I'm not being mean, just honest. He's not that attractive, but he is a gentle, sweet soul and quite good company. He's very very tall (six foot five). He's travelled overseas, he's just finishing his degree, and we had an amazing time.

HOWEVER: (da na na naaaa)

Last night and today I saw something that I really wasn't that keen on. We went out on Tuesday.

Tuesday night was awesome, we went to dinner, had dessert, went to the movies, went out for coffee after, then spent like five hours making out.

It was so very highschool, but so very very good. When was the last time you made out like a teenager?? No touching, no naughtiness, just simple pashing on? So long ago that you can't remember??

GO. NOW. Grab your significant other and pash them like its the mid 90's! (or insert your own year if you wish)...

Cripes. Get a room you two!

Anyway, the point is that Tuesday was awesome. Wednesday he came out and had lunch with me, which was nice, and he was prepared to stick around and spend the whole afternoon and into the evening, but I was busy so I got him to go. I had plans to go to my girlfriends house that night, which I did.

And he texted me twice while I was there. DESPITE KNOWING THAT I WAS BUSY. Why would you do that?

Then this morning, he texted me again. Three times. To see if he could see me today. I said no, I was busy. I said it the first time, then I repeated it twice. Why Lord? Why do you play with me so cruelly? I feel like Job.

Heh. Does this remind anyone of that person I broke up with for being just far far far too FULL ON? Too nice to date? Too attentive?

Gosh, breaking up with one for being TOO nice is one thing, doing it twice may mean that I have a problem. What do you think? Is there such a thing as too nice? Ever dumped someone / refused to date someone for that reason?? Do you think thats a legitimate reason to dump / not date someone?

The other guy seems absolutely lovely. We're going out next Friday for dinner and a movie.

I'm confused.

It feels like the wrong thing to do to date both of them (even though I did tell batchelor number one about batchelor number two).

I'm so tired.

I feel really torn apart, like I can feel the pressure to spend time with lots of different people, family, friends, work committments, and these boys, and it's hard. Its tiring.

The whole Mr. D. situation is getting me down too. Should I even be pursuing a new relationship when my life is such a shambles? If it works, or even if it doesn't work, then can Mr. D. use it against me? Is it worth the hassle and the risk?

Its so hard to be me sometimes!

Oh, and by the way. In my last entry, I was calling Mrs. Macca's lovely fiancee "La Voyeur". I have to apologise for the lameness of this nickname, and Mrs. Macca has now approved another nickname for him. I thought it might be a bit cheeky, but I have her go-ahead, so if you don't like it you can take it up with the boss!

C.K.

Why?

Glad you asked.

1. Because you are a bit of a spunk and you remind me of a Calvin Klien model. (Please note, I have never seen C.K. in his scanties, that would be wrong. However, I have seen him clothed, and I can imagine clothes on Calvin Klien models, and they could be twins. Besides which, Mrs. Macca thought this was a reasonable sort of comparison to make, and she HAS seen you in your scanties.)
2. Because you are also a bit of a nerdy nerd, working with computers all day I decided to give you a name that both encompassed your personality and profession. So take a knee old son, and *touching on each shoulder with my laser pointer* arise "Computer Kid".

Yeah. I could probably come up with more reasons, more things that C.K. could stand for, but I'm tired, and these are the ones that I came up with originally, so there you go.

Feedback via usual channels. Don't be shy.