Exercise
Mood: Reflective
Monday I did Yoga.
Tuesday, I cleaned my entire house and did three loads of washing.
Tonight I went for a walk that lasted an hour and a half.
Tomorrow, I am taking a bike ride.
Friday, I am attending a meditation circle.
I feel very active.
I'm compensating. Trying hard to keep myself busy so that I won't be thinking about the fact that my phone isn't ringing, or beeping with new messages, or anything for that matter. That I am being roundly ignored.
It's one thing to mentally prepare oneself for rejection. It's another to live through that rejection, attempting to retain some dignity.
I will not call.
I will not call.
I will not call.
I will not call.
I will not call.
It's such a hard thing not to do though! I'm frustrated.
But at the same time, there is a pleasant feeling that comes from the frustration. I'm frustrated because this person doesn't realise what he's missing out on, in missing out on me. I'm a bloody good catch. In Sassville, I'm a bloody bloody good catch. Intelligent, attractive, occasionally witty women are not exactly in excessive supply here. Stupid man.
But in my frustration with him, I am recognising my own intrinsic value. I am recognising that this is HIS loss, not mine.
And while it is irritating to find that a man with the qualities I seek does not see the value in me, I remain confident that there is someone out there who is a fit for me.
And when that man should appear in my life, at least I won't be wasting time waiting about for this silly man, and expending my energy in chasing him. I'll be spending it on yoga, walking, riding, meditating, and my house will be spark-a-lark-a-ling.
I really like the strength and independence that I am uncovering in myself. It's so very often a revelation, discovering the person that you are.
