I just got invited to a party.
Kind of a party.
Its a Saturday night get together at Ute Boy's house, because his parents are going away for the weekend. He's intending to purchase a large blow up pool, set it up on the front lawn and sit in it under the stars and get rolling drunk.
(His idea of a good time is generally just to get rolling drunk at the pub. It is the locational change that makes this weekend different!!)
There will be me, Ute Boy, a couple that he is friends with, and his cousin. Oh, and the couple will be bringing a friend that they are trying to set up with Ute Boy's cousin.
Now, I don't think that this is a party that I want to attend. As nice as it would be to sit somewhere cool and shady in a pool having a few drinks (not rolling) with good company, there's more than that going on.
A couple, a pair-that-we-are-trying-to-get-together, and Ute Boy and I. Hmm. I wonder if there is a hidden agenda here? Ummm, do you think??
Perhaps I'm getting a little less naive in my old age!! 
Or perhaps I'm just paying a bit more attention to the not so subtle techniques that the boy / men around here use to get close to a girl without actually asking her out.
At any rate, it isn't something that I'm interested in attending.
Lucky for me, I am not available on Saturdays, as that is the day I pick Nicky up from Mr. D. Instant reason not to attend. Yay! I don't want to offend Ute Boy, he's a good guy, and he is a friend of mine, but I'm not interested in being in a situation that could potentially damage that friendship.
Shane e-mailed me today. He say's that he understands that we are only ever going to be friends, but I don't know. I don't think I'm being paranoid about this, I just think he is one of those people who really know's what it is that they want, and just keep going after it until they get it. I still feel...? Persued? I feel like he is constantly asking me to do things with him. He sms's me every day, without fail. Can I come out? Can you come in? Can we do dinner / lunch / movie / coffee? 
I don't think he understands that I have a number of other friends both in town and out that I enjoy spending time with. That spreading myself thin enough to visit and keep in contact with them is something that I really struggle with. I'm crappy at keeping in touch with people. My friends know that - I hope that they know me well enough to know that it's not that I'm just not thinking of them, it's that I'm so busy in my own life, with work, Nicky, keeping up the house, and attempting to have some sort of social life in the town where I live, that there isn't time for very much else. I love my friends, I would love to have the time and energy to visit them all regularly, but I don't.
I don't have the time to see him every bloody day. I don't particularly want to see him every bloody day. I'm more than happy to catch up for coffee occasionally. That's what friends do.
The more I know of him, the more I realise that his life is not as fulfilling as it could be. He has a very small circle of friends, most of whom are only interested in a limited number of subject, mainly cars, bikes and boats. There is little variety in their activities. They don't like to go to the pictures, they don't see bands. They don't talk about art, politics, life, religion or anything challenging. He has stated on a number of occasions that his friends are boring and all interested in the same things, and that is why he enjoys spending time with me. I tell him he needs to make new friends.
I feel that he is relying on me to be his social life. He seems to rarely see his other friends, and while I don't know if this is a new development, or an existing state of affairs, I do know that whenever he is bored he now calls me. It's an interesting state of affairs from my point of veiw, because I don't really have time to be bored. And if I should find myself in that state, then I would do any one of the number of jobs piled up and waiting for me at home or work, or if Nicky is with me then I should take her to the park, or do something interesting with her. I might even ring a friend that I hadn't seen in a while and see if they are free to catch up.
I wouldn't ring the same friend every day. That seems extreme to me. I'm starting to feel like I should be introducing him to other people, so that his circle of friends expands. Perhaps I should be encouraging him to join a gym, or a knitting circle or something!
Discussion today with The Boy Boarder regarding dating ettiquette. I'd be curious to hear your opinion. Here is the topic:
When a man asks a woman on a date, he should pay.
Boy Boarder for the affirmative. As a man, he feels that it would be wrong of him to ask a woman out and then get her to pay. He would feel uncomfortable if she raised the issue. If he asked her out, then he will pay. End of story. In his experience, the woman expects that he would pay.
Sass for the negative. My own personal stance is that I will not allow my date to pay for my meal / movie / coffee or whatever. I pay my own way. I am happy for men to ask me out (patently) however, I think that there are a number of men out there who see paying for your meal etc as a way of getting one up on you, and I do not like to feel that I owe anyone anything. Obviously friends are different. If a friend asked me to go out and I couldn't afford to, and he then offered to pay this time, different matter. I've shouted mates to things, they've shouted me. Thats a no brainer, thats what friends do. HOWEVER, first dates, never. I will pay my way, or I shall not go.
Boy Boarder in rebuttal: Thats just rude.
I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, is it really rude to pay one's own way? While I understand and acknowledge that not all men think that paying on the first date means that you owe them something, I just feel much more comfortable paying for myself.
Think about it this way.
You like me. You ask me out. You take me somewhere nice, I spend the night getting to know you. Here are a list of things I probably won't ask you on the first date:
- How much do you earn?
- What are your budget committments? Car payments, morgage, rent, loans, credit card bills, phone bills, electricity, holiday savings etc.
- When is your pay day? (If it is tomorrow, what is your current bank balance?)
- Would you prefer that I order something really cheap? Or shall I order what I actually want?
- How many glasses of wine is it appropriate for me to have over dinner? I like two, does our budget stretch that far?
- How many courses are we expecting to eat? (It may not look like it, but I can actually put away three courses without much effort.)
I don't think its rude at all to pay my own way. Especially on the first date. For all I know, the person sitting across from me is a mature age first year apprentice something or other, or perhaps he's just taken redundancy. Maybe he has a big morgage, or maybe he's a freaking millionaire. It doesn't really matter. To me, asking me on a date means that a person wants to spend time with me. Not that they wish to spend their hard earned on someone that they don't know very well.
Not that it even really matters. I don't get asked on proper dates. So it really doesn't matter what my stance is on this stuff anyway.
