All The Small Things

Mood: Fragile
Listening to: Nigerian music on the TV

Got the news today - Bloke will be gone on the 12th of September.

Mixed feelings really.

He's not really one of those clingy types, which is good, because I don't feel overly smothered by him.

However the very thought of having a boyfriend - a steady one - makes me feel rather smothered anyway.

I do want to be single!!

So its great to know that he will be going in the near future.

God that sounds harsh doesn't it! But if you can't be brutally honest on your blog, where can you be brutally honest?

In life. Thats where I am! He knows I'm happy to see him go - partly for my own sake (see above) however, it is also for his own sake. He needs to get away and do something that he loves. It'll make him happy, and I think that it will really be a big boost for him.

I hope he finds happiness.

But at the same time, I will miss him. He's just a nice person. A genuine person. He's solid and practical and unflappable. He's been a bit of an enigma actually. He's my friend.

And he's a challenge to me as a person.

He's quite remote emotionally. He's very controlled, and yet you can tell that he would love without reservation. But he doesn't love me, nor I him, and that situation is not going to eventuate ever, because we are so very incompatible.

I sometimes feel quite indignant that he hasn't fallen in love with me. I feel this odd anger, and I want to stamp my foot like a spoilt child. "Wh-yyy don't you love me?? I'm lovable! I am!!"

"Love me!! Love me Dammit!!"

But at the same time, I'm so glad that he isn't like that. I would freak out, run, scream, hide and cry if a man said that he loved me right now. Perhaps its just the way I'm feeling tonight. Very fragile. I don't know.

Sigh.

Blog.

Sigh.

Sass.

Mood: Very Very Hot
Listening to: TV - Background Blather

Right - there you go Tink - one correctly spelt word. Now you may go and work on your blog. Bah Humbug. And you had better be very careful not to make any mistakes!!!

So I was going to apologise for that last entry, but in its own way it says something about me. So I'm not going to apologise at all. Ha. So there.

I don't really have much to say tonight. The rain is beating a tattoo on the window behind me, and occasionally the wind is catching the chimney on an angle that makes the fire flare. The effect is quite pretty really.

Its very hot in here tonight. I got a load of very good wood. It does make it very hard to sit in the lounge room though. Especially with a hot laptop on my lap... top... hmm. You would think that the inventors of the laptop in their infinite wisdom would have made the heat radiate from a different area of said laptop, to avoid overheating lap area. Just a thought. Anyone from IBM please take that feedback to your design team.

Today made me realise just how reliant we are on electricity. We had a blackout, that went from roughly 8.30am to 10.30am. I got to work at 9, but wasn't able to do anything. Couldn't even have a cuppa because I couldn't boil the kettle. Lifes tough isn't it.

The most unusual thing: The butchers shut up shop and went home. We knew that the power would only be out until 11 at the latest,  yet they went home. Surely you don't need that much electricity to CUT UP MEAT!!! Silly Sausages. He he. Boom-tish.

But the worst thing? I couldn't check my emails. And as silly as it may sound, I'm so used to gettting a morning mail from the HbK, that if I don't get it, I get a bit upset. It is my fix. Its taken the place of my morning coffee. Actually - thats not true. It would be truer to say that a HbK email has joined my morning cuppa and muffin as my kickstart to the day.

I'm going to have an early night tonight... and I'm NOT going to do the dishes before bed. Ohh I am a naughty girl!

 

Mood: Purged of thoughts
Listening to: TV infomercials

Just some stuff I've been thinking about.

Cheese is good. I really like cheese.Here are my favourite types of Cheese, in no particular order:

Kraft Cheddar. Yes - I know thats the bits they scrap from all the other cheeses just melted together into a block of cheese-y-gunge, but it tastes alright to me.

Coon. Particularly in slices. Its so rubbery. And so inappropriately named. Makes you feel slightly racist when selecting it from your supermarket dairy section. 

Pickled Onion Cheese. Its good. Too good.

Cheese and Chocolate are my two favourite foods. (Condensed milk on toast is a very close third.) 

Cadbury's is the best - no substitute for it. Peppermint and that very difficult to find one, Malt Crisp. They don't stock it round here anymore - apparently its hard to get. Which sucks, because its lovely.

Mint Patties are nice too. Probably nicer than Peppermint - however, you can't eat as much. By the end of a Mint pattie, its getting a bit overpowering. Where you can eat a whole block of Peppermint if you've got a big glass of milk to cut it with.

Ads with animals in them shit me. Who decided that it would be a reasonable move to use wombats to advertise telephonic products? Dimwit.

I do not get American humour. How David Letterman ever got his own show mystifies me, yet someone must find him amusing or he wouldn't still be on the air. Would he?

Why have we stopped teaching young people how to spell at school? Surely there is a need for people to be able to spell correctly even in this modern age? (Though I notice I mis-spelt intelligence in my last entry - theres some irony for you!)

People assume that actors are good people. Role models for the rest of us. I don't get that. Remembering lines and pretending to be other people for a living seems a rather stupid profession to me. And they are paid such a disproportionate amount of money for the work that they put in. I think that the money, rather than the "art", is what attracts so many young people to the industry. On the bright side, there must be a lot of attractive wait-people in Hollywood.

I heard today that jeans are on the rise. Hooray! I for one am sick of seeing big girls wearing jeans that show a large expanse of flesh spilling (though spilling sounds a little gentle - erupting perhaps?) over the waist (hip?) band, and an even larger expanse of plumbers crack when they bend over. Do these girls not own a mirror? Thank you for having mercy on our eyes, fashion designers of the world.

Why do they insist on running yet another season of Australian Idol, even though a single viewing of last years Idol would have revealed that there is precious little talent left to tap in Australia. Face it Channel 10, your advertising gurus can get the contestants coverage and a public profile, all the 12 - 17 year olds will know their names, but you can't make them sing better than they do. And that isn't very well.

Except for Courtney Murphy. I am still waiting for the album that Mark said he was going to make with James Morrison and Courtney. Oh, yeah, Mark was too busy greasing his hair and being "hip" with drop out kids who make stupid noises in homage to drugged out American rappers. God Help Us.

Why does it not disturb me more that I am yet to meet a dairy farmer who has milk in their tea or coffee? Surely this must cast some doubt on the cleanliness of the milk collection process? Shit, they could get it fresh - god only knows what happens to it after it leaves the dairy.

I wish supermarkets smelt better.

Why don't clothing stores hire more fat unattractive sales people. Skinny attractive ones make me feel fat and unattractive, which makes me less likely to purchase their clothing.

Random compliments rule.

As much as I hate the American culture permeating Australia like a disease - how good is the coffee at Starbucks. No wonder they are so bloody popular over there.

I love the bra I'm wearing.

I wish butchers would clean the blood & little bits of meat off their boots before they go to lunch. Especially if they intend to walk on my carpet.

I love the smell of wet dirt. And fresh mowed grass. But I hate mowing and watering my garden. I guess I'm more willing to pander to my laziness than to my olifactory preferences.

Think thats all that was floating in my head. I may even be able to sleep now!

Smoochie Woochie Bloggies,

Sass

Mood: Bit antsy.
Listening to: Benchwarmers.

Here we are folks, another Monday in downtown Sassville.

I actually quite like Mondays. They are MY day. The day that I can come to work, collect all my personal emails, reply to them, get all the mail done, be super-dooper efficiant, and that in turn makes my whole week simpler.

And I get to blog. Thats possibly my biggest highlight.

I have just scored a laptop, with unlimited internet for the next month so I should be able to blog more often - for the month at least!

Its been another interesting week. The week that Bloke and I decided that we probably were actually dating, and then he immediately gave notice on his job. Which means that he'll only be in town for another 3 weeks all going according to plan. Then we will be all over red rover.  Boo & Yay!

Its a bit of a relief to know that the situation isn't going to continue indefinitely. It bugs the hell out of me that I'm dating him to be perfectly honest. I don't mean that he bugs me - actually I really do enjoy his company, and we get along quite well. Its more that I really don't know why I'm dating him, knowing full well that there isn't any future in it, and every chance that I will yet again be hurt emotionally at the end of it.

I know that I will miss our conversations for example. And while intellectually I realise that him leaving need not necessarily be the end of our friendship, I know that in reality it will be. Our commonality comes from living in the same town. Our lives and interests are so very different. As he is so fond of reminding me. And we haven't got a future together anyway - again, why am I dating him?? Plus, honestly, if he say's to me one more time that I can do better, I may become violent.

And I'm not a violent person. It just really irritates me when people who are GOOD people undervalue themselves like that. And perhaps a little because I feel that he's overvalueing me. And it bothers me that he is making a judgement of me that I should be with a particular sort of person.

Bloke thinks that I should be dating someone "smart and educated and professional. A doctor or lawyer or accountant or something". Well bugger me. That only rules out EVERYONE in this TOWN!!!!

Except the new doctor, who is single, but really really really not my type. But thats beside the point.

His point was that I should be with someone who is as intelligent as I am. (His words not mine).

I got really, REALLY angry at that. Which in hindsight was a bit juvenile of me! However. Assuming that I am more intelliegent than the majority of men in this town just because I speak properly and read more than just magazines occasionally, and enjoy weird things like conversation, politics, and the ABC... OK, well maybe it is a fair call after all. But at the same time, it is no less demeaning than assuming that I have a lower level of intelligence because I am a single mother, drive a ford, or sometimes wear my hair in pigtails.

Take it for what it is. A compliment. Be calm Sass. Breathe.

On the far more bright side, I hope to be off to Adelaide in January, and I am much looking forward to the trip. I've started saving (Miss Limabean, this is for you!). You will be pleased to know that I have the airfare already and am currently working on some serious spending money. However Christmas is approaching with alarming speed, so don't be too horrified if I am driven to request a number of $ free activities. I'm quite sure that The HBK already has a number in mind!

And for the general knowledge of the world - I got hit on yesterday in Grants. While being mildly amusing, it really made my whole day more pleasant. Men are nice aren't they. Especially the attractive young ones. Mmm. And he was working in the Hardware store. Not a Doctor/ Lawyer / Accountant. (Have you ever met an Accountant who is even remotely attractive???)

Though I do think its funny that I've never dated someone who was overly bright. Or educated for that matter. Or worked in an office. I've only ever been with men who worked in more earthy persuits. Mechanics, farm hands, Bloke spreads fertilizer for goodness sake! Mr D is a chef, and Vin was a baker - but thats about as professional as it gets. Perhaps he has a point.

So there you go - The HBK, you will be the first office possum I've ever dated, should we actually go through with the date. Should you not run screaming in the opposite direction when you see me. 8 years old is a bloody old photo!!

I don't even know that this blog entry makes a lot of sense, but I'm not really in a proof reading mood. So, deepest apologies if its very hard to follow!

Going home to light the fire, I'll need to throw on some nice dry (b)logs, hahahahaha,

(Yes, I am aware that that was a crappy joke)

Sass.

Mood: Bloody Tired
Listening to: Nothing - too tired to turn the music on!

My Godfather (as my Pop would say). What a bloody awesome party! Never seen anything like it in my entire life.

Arrived feeling a bit iffy about the whole thing - I think I was suffering anticipatory burnout actually, from looking forward to it too much. Had my swag in the boot, had my sensible outdoorsy shoes on, makeup done a treat, and looking pretty bloody hot by all accounts. (I know sensible shoes don't sound hot, but trust me, it was hotter than wearing my stillettoes and going arse over in the mud!)

So I rocked up to the party, parked the Ford (no hatemail please - I am a Holden girl at heart), then proceeded up the driveway to the party. At first glance, I was pretty scared really. Nothing but complete strangers, and a large group of big bad biker types. Harley men. So I headed for the house to find the birthday lad to hand over the prezzie. He was quite easy to find, still in his bedroom, towel around his middle, getting his hair done in a very attractive mohawk. It would seem its a bit of a birthday tradition round here to shave their heads in odd ways. (Shaved heads are super sexy though... Hail to the HbK)

So said g'day, admired said do, then wandered back out to the party to see if I could find a friendly face. Started chatting with a couple of people I knew, and we were talking about the different biker types around. No-one knew them, and they did look kinda scary, when through the crowd I spotted a beard that I knew. It was an old friend of my families, named Grisly. He was in my dads bikie club. (He rides a sweet shovel head for those playing at home, with some very unique art on the tank, and many mods to placate the gods of chrome)

Anyway, I charged over to say g'day, and was swept up in a big hug. Then I turned around and his wife and daughter were there too. More hugs. Then we all started talking at once, cos I was shocked to see them there & was trying to figure out how they managed to be at a 21st in the middle of nowhere!

Then Gypsy's dad came out - and I bloody knew him too. And he knew me. There ended up being about 6 of them that I knew personally, and the rest of them knew me by sight from the club events I'd attended, or through my dad.

Freaky.

So I was getting twirled round in a bear hug by my most handsome bikie buddy Cuz, when Gypsy arrived (I think he thought I was being injured!) he couldn't believe that I was

a) Talking to the biker types

b) Knew the biker types

c) Liked by the biker types

Turns out we were both raised round all the same people - I really don't know how we didn't meet earlier. But I guess he's 4 years younger, so we were a bit out of sync. He was shocked, if not slightly horrified. I really don't present as someone who would know anyone who was in a bike club, or had a nickname like Chief or Grizly, or Wizard. It doesn't really fit with the prissy miss you see before you!

So, happy in the knowledge that the bikers were friendly, I just had the BEST night. Then, about 1am, they bought out the wading pool. And the tubs of jelly. Many many tubs.

Jelly Wrestling!!!

Being a lady, I declined the numerous requests to strip off and get sticky, and instead enjoyed the show. (Had the weather been warmer, and a change of clothes been handy the answer would have been different I think - try anything once!)

It must have seemed like a great idea to the hot young men, cos they stripped off their shirts (ooohhh) to reveal some very very buff 6 packs (aaahhhhhh) and then wrestled with each other to escape the jelly (uuuhhhh)

(Not that a man has to have a 6 pack to be hot - it just happened that these ones were hot & had 6 packs)

Needless to say - there were many delighted female spectators, wondering why we hadn't thought that jelly wrestling was a good thing? Take away the chicks in bikinis, add some boys in wranglers, hello happiness!

Bloody good party.

Crawled off to bed about 4.30am, and was followed by group of lads I'd been chatting with (drinking with would be more accurate, but somehow less ladylike!)

In the end, had to tell them to rack off. After all, bit hard to get to sleep with a bunch of blokes standing round your swag having a chat! One went back to the ute in front of my car, and promptly fell asleep across the front seat. He blew the horn every time he rolled over - and I've never known anyone to roll over so much. Bloody horn. He didn't wake up, but there was a steady chorus of "Shut the .... up" each time it happened - which was louder and longer than the horn blast, and STILL didn't wake the bugger up.

Only got about 3 hours sleep, then bounced out of bed to help with the cleanup efforts. As the lads dragged themselves out of bed, they were obviously disgusted to see that I hadn't been lying the night before, when I said that I don't get hangovers. He he he. Suffer.

I was however suffering from severe sleep deprivation, so after brekkie, I headed for home for a nap.

Which is where I am off to now - I went out Thursday night, (at the conference, which I will fill you in about next time), then Bloke came round with a bottle of Tequila on Friday night, 21st on Saturday, and a very early morning today totally undid any good that may have come from the early night I had last night. I feel like one of those old cartoon characters who needs lil toothpicks to keep their eyes open!

Blogging Bikers Babe,

Sass

Mood: Happy as a pig in the preverbial
Listening to: Ke sahn

Is there anything better than drunken people music??

Ke Sahn, Copperhead Road, Sweet Home Alabama, Outback Club, this is the music I long to hear when holdin a beer. Or perhaps a Cruiser. I don't actually drink beer. But still, thats not the point is it. Drunken people love that kind of music. LOUD. So loud it don't matter that you don't know the words. Love it.

I'm off to a 21st this weekend - and I am looking forward to it!!! Drunken music especially! Actually, how much I'm looking forward to it is really disturbing! The last 21st I went to I really wasn't sure what to expect, but they just have a roaring good time. I walked home with Bloke and the whole saga began, but (and I know this sounds mean - Hooray!!) Bloke isn't invited. So I can have a blow out, and not be concerned about any issues arising there! Hooray again!!

But what has me really excited is that this is only my 2nd ever "swag on the ground on a farm" type 21st. I have my swag lined up - I've borrowed my lil brothers, and he's loaned me his sleeping bag too, so all I have to do is crawl in. The logistics of it have me a tad concerned - does one wear makeup to a party if one is going to sleep on the ground? Does one dress up? What do you do in the morning?

The birthday boy is a butcher - so one would assume that there will be a recovery breakfast in the morning - he makes the snags, best damn snags I've EVER tasted FYI. So I'm thinking makeup may not be the brightest idea - knowing full well that I look like an extra from Dawn of the Dead if I sleep with my "face" on. Its the mascara. I must just rub the buggery out of my eyes in my sleep. Panda-bear-itis. Not a good look. At least my hair looks good. There are advantages to having dead straight hair - no birdsnests, no spiky uppy bits, it always looks the same as when I went to bed. Sweet.

I'm not vain - I just don't want to put people off their brekky!!

And here is a dilemma, what does one buy for a 21 year old boy? He's a bit unusual too - so I wanted to get an unusual gift.

He was talking the other day about growing a big long beard - the appalling effort that is currently sprouting from his chin makes him look about 17! So I thought a razor set, a nice silver plate one, with a cute little poem about the reasons for buying it might be nice?

Comments welcome - though the parties next week so youd better pull your fingers out!!

---The Gift---

Dear Gypsy from the Butchers

Y'almost had me at a loss

And desperate for inspiration

I was going to see your boss...

 

But I walked into the shop,

Said G'day to Maddy & Nicky

Was peering round for Greg

But you were servin', can't be picky...

 

Talking 'bout a beard you were

A long-un down your guts

A beard so thick and long and tough

It'd rival even Butts.

 

It'd make Richie go all envy-green

I could hear you thinkin'

The ladies would be flocking round

When you went out drinkin'

 

But Gypsy lad! What a terrible waste!

I cannot let you do it!

To hide from the world your lovely face,

A beard! We couldn't see through it!

 

So here is a gift from me to you

To scrape all those hairs from your chin

Cos I, and all your mates, I'm sure

Just love to see your grin!

 

Happiest  21st Birthday

Oh, And By The Way...

HELLO GYPSY!!!!

 

I know the rhyme is a bit much at times, but I wanted it to sound a bit Dr Suess-ish - easy to read too.

Oh, and Butts, Richie, Maddy, Nicky, & Greg are people he works with (obviously) and he has this amazing smile - lights up the whole shop and you have to smile back! When I go in he yells from the back room "Hello Sass" at the top of his lungs and waves - he has the biggest hands you've ever seen! Feet too. He reminds me of a big puppy, like a lab, you know how they're all paws and big puppy eyes and they just love everyone? He's like that.

Anyway, I await your feedback with some trepidation - poetry was never really my thing, but its nice for special occasions don't you think?

Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog,

Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog

Blog, Blog, Blog,

Blog, Blog,

Blog.

 

Thats a form of poetry, working with sylables and shit. It has a name - I think it may be Hiku?? I'm probably wrong!!

Sass.

 

Mood: Bit Reflective.
Listening to: Star FM

Pinched this from Teri's site - hope you don't mind Teri!!

0. Your name? "Sass"

1. What is your middle name? Anne

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? White Bonds. Nice Girl Undies. And matching Bra. That never happens!

3. What are you listening to right now? Night time radio.

4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 32

5. What was the last thing you ate? A mintie, and before that, Lasagne & Salad.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Royal blue.

7. How is the weather right now? Freezing!!! Its the middle of the night, in the middle of winter!

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Mr. D. Nicky's dad.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Feel and smell. Then eyes. (By feel I mean do they make me feel creeped out, or nice)

10. Favorite Food? Pickled onion cheese by Mercy Valley. Sounds gross, tastes devine. Or blueberry continental cheese cake from the Cheesecake shop. I am a heart attack waiting to happen.

11. Do you drink? Occasionally. Socially. Wine with the girls, or tart fuel when I'm out out.

12. Do you smoke? Never.

13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Never. So drunk I've REGRETTED what I've done, only once. I hate that "out of control" feeling.

14. Hair color? Dark brown / reddish highlights in the sun.

15. Eye color? Blue

16. Do you wear contacts? No

17. Single? Yes... this very minute...

18. Favorite Month? January

19. Are you a virgin?  Have you read my blog?? LOL. No.

20. Last Movie you Watched? Pooh's Heffalump movie. I took Nicky on Saturday. We had popcorn. It was cool.

21. Favorite Day of the Year? February 22. (Nicky's B'day) 

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? No. In theory. I've never done it, but I'm not adverse to doing it. But then, if you flirt right, they ask you. More fun that way.

24. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs. No, Kisses. No, Hugs. Both!

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate!!

26. Do you want your friends to respond back? Yes - especially Tinkerbell, and the Heartbreak Kid. You guys fascinate me. I wonder what Tinks fave food is?

27. Who is most likely to respond? Neither of them?? LOL. Unless THBK sees this on a Thursday.

28. Who is least likely to respond? Um. Anyone who doesn't read my blog? (ie: Lots of Folks!!)

29. What books are you reading? Truth telling, lies and deception in womens lives; Child of the Phoenix; Unfolding Spirit: Spirituality and Sexuality; The Tea Rose.

30. Piercings? Ears

31. Fav. Movie? Bye Bye Birdie, Grease, Dirty Dancing, The Young Ones, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Mallrats (and so on) and more recently, Being John Malcovich, Shawn of the Dead, and Dogma. 

32. Fav. baseball Team? Pass.

33. Fav. American Idol? The one that should have been: Bo

34. Any Pets? 1 dog, blue cross red heeler. She lives with my grandparents, cos my yard isn't secure.

35. Aol Instant Messenger Screen Name? Don't have one.

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Can I have it buttered AND salted??

37. Dogs or cats? Dogs. Preferably dogs that will EAT invading cats. Especially the cat that poos in my garden.

38. Favorite Flower? Champagne Roses, in bunches of 12. No babys breath. They are the way to my heart. No one else has ever bought them for me. I've had roses, but not that sort.

39. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Kiss my daughter, cos she'll be the reason I'm awake!. Or if I'm alone, hit the snooze button, hard, then roll over.

40. Do you still talk to your best friends from grammar school? Yes!! My best friend should be reading this actually. Get back to work slacker!!

41. What's on your desk? Computer, bedside lamp (cos the lights blew up in my office, so I had to bring it from home) a box of lollies, a bottle of coke, a dictionary, and a smilie stamp for the kids when they come in.

42. Rock Concert or symphony? Symphony, if I have a hot date who owns a suit and won't complain. My last rock concert was when I was like 10. I don't really think thats my scene, but I'd be willing to give it a go, with the right company.

43. Play or Opera? Play.

44. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes. A shotgun. It recoiled really hard. But the trigger was really easy to pull. Weird sensation to fire a weapon.

45. Do you like to travel by plane? Only done it once, return. And I was asleep for most of it. I'd like another try!!

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two, and my heat pillow to snuggle if I'm alone.

49. Are you missing someone? My daughter. My friends. They've all gone and left me. You know who you are. Bastards.

50. Was this survey fun? I like surveys, so yeah. Probably not very exciting reading though!

 

Just got back from next door - where my ex works. His boss is a lovely man, invited me in for a cuppa and a chat. The ex had told him all about my arrangement with Bloke. His response: "We all need our clocks wound mate."

Thats bloody brilliant. I can see the advertisement now:

Wanted: Clock Winder

Hours Negotiable

Payment In-Kind

Apply in Person

He's very modern really. His advice on the situation was to get a sugar daddy. Someone who would spoil me, and look after me. I really have a bit of a problem with that. I like to look after myself you know. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I am perfectly capable of doing it for myself.

He reckons thats a mechanism that I use to keep people away. He's probably right really. But then, I've had a partner who used money as a weapon, and I'm not prepared to have that happen to me again. Nor am I prepared to be treated badly - Its just difficult to get used to being treated well when that isn't something that you've had a great deal of practice at lately.

I'd better go - I've got a guy coming to clean my carpets tomorrow, so I need to move all my crap into the kitchen so he can get at the carpet. I'm gonna have fun lugging my furniture around at this time of the night!! Its 12.45am here now.

Blogs and Kisses,

Sass