coping
Mood: alone
Hi there. My name is Amy I am 26 and this is my first time expressing myself over the internet but i'm afraid if i don't tell some one how i'm feeling or write in down i will seriously go insane!!!!!!!!
To fully understand my situation i'll just briefly tell you a little history. I'm Canadian and when i was 16 my parents (out of the blue) moved us to Central America Belize. I wasDistraught about such a move but i ended up loving it! I mean its a tropical island and very touristy....awsome place. I stayed there for 10 years. I finished out highschool there and then did a year of uni. I then realized i lived in one of the nicest places to dive and went to florida for 3 months and became a dive instructor and thats what i did for 4 years up until this last August. What happened next?
I moved to England and am now a house wife to a military man. I met my husband about 2 years ago, He was based in Belize and had got into contact with me through (ok this is a tad embarassing) myspace...lol. Anyway we decided to meet and fell in love and we decided to marry, it all happened quick but it felt so right to be with him. I didn't want to think about anything negative about what being with a military man might mean i just wanted to be with him. We married in Belize and soon after i moved to the uk.
When i got here My husband had 2 weeks off and we furnished our home and got things ready, I have a 3 year old and we tried a mommy and tot class thing to try and meet some other people but it didn't seem to go well, i don't know maybe it was me and i just wan't very social but i usually am and i couldn't help feel they were already clicky with eachother and they couldn't be to bothered about getting to know me other than some of the older ladies who felt bad for me sitting alone. I decided not to go back. My husband had to go back to work and i was left alone from mon and fri. I coped well at first but soon got lonely and craved companionship and activity. I still wasn't brave enough to catch a bus or anything to do something because i have no idea how to! sounds dumb but i left a tropical island and i'm now in England! its a shock and very intimidating.
Only 2 weeks after my husband left for work I realized i had fallen pregnant! wow! wasn't expecting that one. 'SHOOT!!' was my first reaction and then happiness. I got extremely sick with hyperemesis which is severe morning sickness and i couldn't even handle my 3 year old! My husband had to come from work to help me. So these past 2 month has been spent staring down the toilet and just being ill. I am happy to say that i am now starting to feel so much better and healthier and am eating everything in sight however the feeling of loneliness and shock of moving and just being a housewife at home is setting in again and i am getting super sad again. I just feel stuck and i feel angry at my husband because i am left to deal with a new country and pregnancy on my own while he is off everyweek. I know its not his fault he has to work but i just don't know how to act anymore. I am going back to Belize for awhile to be with my family, the plan is to come back but its going to be tough to come back to no friends no job and a husband who is gone from mon and fri. He will be doing that until my due date almost. He wants me to just cope and be happy but its very very difficult i feel he deosn't truelly understand.
Well yeah i know....its a little depressing but its where i am in life right now. I hope my husband and i will get through this we both love eachother imensely but this is a hard life. And when you go from being sooo happy to going to super sad you just want that hapiness back. I'm afraid what that means for us.
Anyway thanks for reading, would love your comments.
