♥ ..... SuMMeR SkY ..... ♥

soon i b gg bk to work... n tat's reali very very soon....  supposed to be bk officially on d 10 Oct but decided to report bk early on 3rd Oct n now even earlier on 1st Oct..... well, doesn't reali matter actually but juz tat i kinda felt lazy after resting for so long.....  having a "red bomb" on sun --- 5-star hotel leh... dun noe wat to wear... got to go do my shopping on sat after work liao....

ung....... mum's grumbling abt d maid again, saying she cant even manage to finish washing d clothes at 11.30am....  me getting reali irriated liao.... it doesn't seems to hv cross her mind tat now there'r 2 kids to look after... she keeps comparing the new maid w/ d previous... obviously cannot cope lah... d previous one only look after 1 kid but now dis girl hv to look after 2... how can u compare tat.... d time n effort involve r double.....mum wants me to help her out so tat she can finish her chores.. i can but who's gonna help her when i'm bk at work???

told mum tat she must b d one who's satisfied w/ d maid but she say she's ok...... when came to choosing a new maid, ask her for opinion, n we only cfn d gal when mum's happy. now tat she's here, mum not happy, tell her to change she say it doesnt matter w/ her so long we happy but on d other hand she's complaining here n there.. even not to me but will complain to dad.... things r totally diff now..... she's d one most of d time at home facing  d maid, of course she hv to b happy.... when i goes bk to work, i'll b out frm 8am till 6.30pm.. tat's more than half a day i'm not home... i'm not facing her so it doesnt reali matter to me....... FUSTRATED AH............................................ SOMEONE HELP ME...............................  

din't post entry for 2 days... nothing much happen....  thought of gg into a new biz.... was roaming tru d internet d other day n happen to came a-X a website featuring manufacturers of apparals & footwear in China..... went in to c some of their website n saw their designs of shoes r pretty cool.... ( ok, better stop here b4 others reading these rob me of my idea ).......

hahahaha................................................................................................

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soon i'll b gg bk to work in 2 wks time... times flies... my maternity leave ending liao.... honestly speaking, i kinda of miss work.... looking forward to go bk.. but i think all humans r d same.... after u hv rest for too long, u bcame lazy liao.... tat's how i feel now lah...

cant help but worry if d maid can handle d kids... though i know tat she has some kinda standard, but juz cant help worrying especially ah girl... she's at d stage of most active... running abt, climbing up n down, learning to talk....

will definitely miss them badly during my 9 hrs away frm home..... wat to do??? hv to slowly get use to it lor.....

he slept in d hall last nite again... even though we slept at abt 2am, he still can wake up later, go to hall n continue w/ his sleep.... can he not do tat for at least a mth??? i think not possible.....

getting so sick n tired tat i dun even bother to say anything.... sometimes i even dun bother to look at him or talk to him when he comes bk..... i noe tat dis is real bad but juz cant help it..... afraid tat if we talk, i cant help but voice out my displeasure, we will sure end up quarelling..... if he wld to come up to me, i wld juz smile n turn my head away... to him, he nv ever thought tat there's anything wrong....

taking yest for eg. he was home real early,,,, i said tat there's cockcroaches in d car n he need to clear it up... so he spent almost 3 hrs+ cleaning up d car came bk at abt 2+, 3pm. straight home, he came into d pc room n say if i was done w/ d com... he needs to email some customer.... i stood up 10 mins later n frm 3pm, he was stuck to d com emailing customer + doing other things which i dun noe wat +  playing games till 8pm in d nite...... tat was his day.... he finished w/ d com at 8pm, spent an hour in the hall w/ me n ah girl, then we went to fetch my mum off work.... reached hm at 10.15pm n he went straight into d com room again n close d door till 11+pm... sometimes i wonder wat me n d family rank in his heart... mayb nos. 1 frm d last.

we had been waiting for the insurance quote frm one of my fren who was supposed to send via email... i knew d quote oreadi arrived but he din tell me anything abt the quote.. rather he wld tell his mum abt it.... wat d hell on earth has getting insurance for my son has it got to do w/ her???????? i'm reali getting very irriated... i dun mind him consulting his mum for opinion or anything but d minimum, he shld at least discuss w/ me abt d insurance first n not wait for me to ask if d quote arrives or tell me later... though i might not know much abt insurance but i think it's shld b juz mutual respect tat he tells me abt it........

getting real irriated, annoyed, pissed off..... reali feel like banging d table now...... sometimes, i feel tat i'm slipping into depression......  reali..... but if i wld tell him, he wld think tat i'm silly..... forget abt telling him anything abt all happenings to me.....

din't log in yest.... was out almost d whole afternoon... went to d my usual salon 2 get my hair done.... did colouring n highlight + a new hair style.... looks pretty nice n i quite like it....

juz came bk frm d market, had b.fast n did some marketing.... both ah girl n ah boy r sleeping.... looking @ d kids grow up, learning n discovering new things abt them makes me reali happy.... it's a very very special feeling tat no words can describle....

preparing to send ah girl to some enrichment classes though she's only 19 mths... it's juz some classes for her to learn ABCs, art & craft n learning how to be sociable - making new frens... hope these will help her to adapt more easily when she enters nursery..... d classes shld be quite fun...... going for a trial lesson next wk..... looking forward to tat.....

It's another new day..... wat has happened yest? nothing much but d usual things. i gave him a good nite kiss wif no return or expression or reaction frm him... n again, he spent d last quater of his sleep in d hall w/ his most precious mobile n of course his bolster.

I dun reali understand... he can go out w/o his mobile n when u ask if he wants to bring along, he wld oways say tat his phone is not tat important... but when in d middle of d nite, he sure has to keep his phone w/ him. Y ??? nobody noes except for himself...  i nv want to ask cuz he sure will say tat i'm too sensitive n we will end up quarelling n ultimately, i'll b d one @ fault.   He can b reali reali nice at times but.........

He's oways more concern n spent most of his times @ home w/ his pc... mayb i shld mark on d calender when was d day i gave him a hug or kiss n when r d days he gave me.... mayb tat will cfn how often do i get tat little love frm him....

I noes tat he appreciates me for giving him 2 kids but apart frm d flowers i rec'd, there seems to b nothing more,,, i dun want n dun need any thing material.. rather all i wish n longed for are when i juz release some grumbles abt how tired i am, he can hug me n tell me softly tat he understands how hard i hv been trying to b a good mum... but so far, tat nv happens.... mayb he nv worries tat i mite ever suffer frm post-natal depression. To him, he oways wants to think positive for such things assuming tat so long u dun think, tat wont happen. but in terms of financial, he oways hv a "wat if" mind set tat better careful than sorry....

How can i make myself cry.... i reali wish to hv a shoulder to cry on but there's no available one n there's no tears.....