Madness

Listening to: Rap Hustle-PussyCat Dolls

I have always thought of putting a business up.  A few months ago, April to be exact due to financial constraints and the growing needs of my kids, I have started making fancy but chic jewelry.  It was a low capital high gain kind of business that left me exhausted and getting cramps every morning but it paid off.  It was good until the day I lost interest ( ....the market lost interest i mean. 

Fashion and women has one thing in common.  They're both fickle.  I still am thinking of the right business to put up as of this time.

Mood: Blase
Listening to: Sitti

It has been a looong time.  I have missed writing about something, nothing and everything.  A lot of things has happened in my life.  Maybe a little too much for just 2 years of not writing.  My eldest, Dana has now turned ten and she is smart, academically inclined and kinda snooty.  My second daughter Leila got everything going for her, gorgeous eyes, pouty lips and wit that could go against the President. My youngest, Yanna is my angel. She never forgets to give me a hug and a kiss every minute or so, she wants one most of the time too.

I have been so busy, tending to financial needs, nestling my family and like all other women, forgot about me.  No self-pity here mind you. Just stating my case in a matter-of-fact way.

For the past year and a half I have been working as an English tutor for Koreans wanting to learn a second language.  I have quit a dynamic environment and a satisfying career in Clientlogic. Working as a Quality Analyst was no mean feat, I was able to survive.  The 11 hours 6 days a week routine was terrible for my family though.  Never got to see the kids, missed them too much.  Now, as a part-time teacher working 5 hours a day, most of my time and attention are directed to my kids.

My routine day in and day out was so consistent that sometimes I find myself staring into space.  Asking the questions that philosophers ask, who am I? What is the purpose of my being and all that shitty nonsense.  In the end of the day have I fulfilled all my roles? What about the role I play as a woman? Have I given justice to "Me"?

I have been missing an unknown something that possibly could make me "maybe" a little more satisfied with who I am.  I have lost a lot of possibilites, followed a different path that seemed at that time logical.  The "what-if's" that crossed my mind every idle time, taunts me.

What happens now?