Madness

Mood: Proud
Listening to: chitchat

Dana's recognition got moved to the 31st. My daughter as expected was bummed about it. She was anticipating that moment of receiving her honors. Well...just a few days of waiting time won't hurt. Told her I would just be treating her out....she wants the works.  Like men, if you give an inch they'd want the whole 9 yards...lol.

Leila's recognition in any case went well. Aside from the speaker who I might say is a stupid bloke. The speaker is an alumni holding a high position in the John Hay Corporation. He was comparing the prices of tuitions of my kids school to other schools in our city. One of his sentences goes: "YMCA is a school that harbors good competition with regards to prices because it gives out quality education at a less costly cost."  Hungggh!! That physically hurt my ears not only my intellect.

The hubby and I were laughing our asses off when he tried to compare teachers to talent managers. Not satisfied with that he compared them to turtles and frog too.  Not a good analogy....even with kindergartens as his audience. Are we so hard up with intelligent speakers that we have to just bear with the ignorance and stupidity of our said leaders?

My mom would have a heart attack if she finds out her beloved granddaughter is studying in that school.

My daughter got her just reward for being good. She got honors and a best in math ribbon. I went up for the first...pinned the ribbon on her and smiled with eyes abnormally squinting (I just got from a graveyard shift again). My daughter signalled to me that she wants her "tatay"  to come up for her next ribbon which was surprisingly on the math thingy. Onell went up posed like a hunkie on the ramp and proudly pinned that ribbon on our daughter.

Both of us seemed dazed. Me with lack of sleep and him with his daughter getting an award for Math.

Looking forward to my eldests' recognition rites.

Mood: Reminiscin'
Listening to: Twinkle twinkle lil stars

Dana is my eldest daughter. She was the littlest angel when she entered this world. She weighed 4.2 lbs. My friends had a fun time joking me about the experience that I had when I gave birth to this little one.

Not knowing that I was in labor, I climbed up the steep steps going up to Lourdes Grotto in Baguio City. For a weird moment I just wanted to count the stairs...dont ask me why. While walking up I was pigging out on sweet corn and pepsi....or pipse as the local vendor pronounce it.

Early into the evening body pains assailed me....no specific area...the pain was numbing. I was rushed into the hospital by my husbands bestfriend. Doctors was asking him lotsa questions...first was if he was my husband....terrified...the idiot answered that he was just a concerned citizen.

I remembered people wearing green masks and green robes. Stupidly mumbling to my mom that I know that the Ninja Turtles are only four and asking why I am seeing double. My mom laughed and said all of em were just attendants....none of which are members of the infamous Ninja turtles. DARN!!! And I so wanted autographs.

After 30 minutes of giving birth I was up and checking my kids' fingers toes and the rest of her body. Wondering how a tiny baby full of life came from me. I checked for abnormalities....there was none. Thankfully the Lord has blessed me....and blessed me well.

Right now Dana, my little angel is a seven year old active child. Wonders of wonders...she is also gifted with intelligence and independence beyond her years.

My kid could spell out rendezvous (is that right?) without batting an eyelash and would anticipate an exam with a fervor not on my genes. lolzzzz.

Right now I could not believe that a life and personality like she has now has been molded into shape by me. I just hope that I am doing the right thing in rearing her up. Hopefully she will grow up to be a self-reliant, independent and successful lady who will also have a wonderful family life.

 

Mood: Ecstatic
Listening to: Local Music

Its Sunday morning, one more night and my eldest will be receiving honors for being one of the most intelligent in her class. I don't wanna brag but I think it has something to do with genes.....and its all mine.....lolzzz. It would not be by chance mind you because my 2nd daughter is being recognized the next day for the same reason. 

My kids are over-achievers they know that learning is fun and that they will go far if they persevere right now.

Am so proud of my kids right now....am actually bursting. I do know that this is not my achievement...am just basking in my kids glory....not wallowing in it unlike some mothers do.  Crazy thing about this is that we never pressured them to be honor students. I was just like any working mother trying to make sure that her kids assignments are done in time and is done correctly.

Weird too is the way they celebrate and rejoice everytime an exam week is nearing. Where did these kids come from??? I got terrified whenever there is a ten word spelling quiz bee and here they are waiting for the next long exam.

My kids have the same gusto to learning as I have with eating. They tackle quizzez like I eat my spaghetti. Hope they bring the determination till College or else I'd need to save up for more than 4 years of college for the three of them....god forbid!!!

 

Mood: Hungry and Cranky
Listening to: norah jones in my head

I hated being sick! Last night instead of being at work, I lay curled up in a fetus position trying to connect back to earth. My head is pounding. The feeling of having a handful of needles stuck in my temples is driving me insane. I have used up every medicine that you can think of.

Inhaled Vicks Vaporub, rubbed it on my temples...relief for exacty 1 minute and 20 seconds. Grabbed the chinese version, the white liquid that feels like fire on your skin...did not help at all. Even gulped down a maximum of 3 tablets of 500 mg ibuprofen...only thing it did is make me shake like a leaf and vomit like a drunken vixen. 

Again, I hate being sick. Can't even enjoy a good cup of coffee or a cigarette......might aggravate the condition. My condition has worsened because of the bright lights on this freaking monitor...no matter how i adjust it, it still makes the pounding worst....its a hellish nightmare.

Wish I could just up and quit from my job. Gotta buy those lottery tickets soon.....crossing my fingers and praying that i do win....WIN BIG that is. I need a lotta RnR and some SOTB (Sex on the Beach)  and am not talking about the cocktail there.

Shifts over.....shalala!!!! Am eating a burrito right after this. Promise!!!

 

Mood: Hopeful
Listening to: Calls again

I wanted to post this down yesterday but the whole article went kapuuut when the screen timed out on me...what's with that??

So with that in thought what I am going to write down now is a concised version of what I wanted to vent out yesterday.

2 days ago the vicious cycle of searching for another pair of househelp to assist me with the kids assailed me again. Called the in-laws verified account number to send money to, sent out needed amount and waited for results.

Good thing that a previous yaya who took care of my youngest wanted to come back and work for me again...w/o her I would've lost the quest and picked one out from agencies that I swore I would not do..ever!!!

Now that it is summer, I could live with just one helping me out. The kids are nearing recognition day...it's vacation time and they are off to manila. My family is there so Jobel our current yaya will not have a hard time taking care of the 3 kids.

The next problem is to find a compatible one to assist Jobel when classes start. With that in mind, I have posted the needed requirements.

Wanted: Live-in All around Househelp

Requirements:

*Never laid a hurting hand on kids

*Livable and Passable I.Q. (Knows not to plug a 110 volt television into a 220 volt powersource)

*NBI clearance (Can you imagine me harboring a criminal?)

*A psychological test submitted to ensure that person is not psychotic...not good having two in one house-guess who the other one is...

*Patience of St. Theresa....i sure don't have it.

*Cooks edible food (knows the difference between string beans and baguio beans)

The quest is still on for the near perfect househelp....let me just say that hope springs eternal.

 

Mood: Lucky....Lucky
Listening to: Gossip on a Harlot

Just got paid for 15 days of work.....not fairly an enough amount of compensation for several ailments that I have recently been going through.  Since I have started working for this call center, my ears acquired a constant buzzing sound that aggravates my migraines. Weirdly enough my stress level hikes up whenever I am in my station, attending to calls that seem to be endless.  Add to that the feeling is the extreme effort to schedule the so called "call of nature".  I find myself cooped up in the ladies room just trying to wait it out....but again that is too much information....lolzzz

In my head I calculated the approximate amount that I need to have just to reach the next payday.  P2,000 for one of our 'yaya's' salary (my husband and I split the cost nowadays, he pays for the other 'yaya's' salary),  groceries in the max amount of P1,500, a debt that I owe a certain helpful skinny bald-headed guy P500, 10 kilos of rice for P250 and P1,000/week for food for two weeks........Oooohh all that math is driving me nuts....it also apparently drove my finances to the other side of the fence....to think that I only got around 4,800 for the trouble....dare I calculate still?

I treated myself to eating out with friends today...the only luxury that I could afford is a rice meal from a chinese restaurant that includes steamed rice, one sunny side up egg, a slice of chicken boiled in leeks and minced ginger, 2 slices of pork braised in soysauce and sugar and a mixture of vegetebles we call chopsuey. A feast but I asked for an extra cup of rice....not gluttony, filipinos eat like that even with our petite physique.  To top it all off..coffee...a nice ending for a bountiful brunch.

Hope that I could find myself not scrimping on money for myself next payday.  Wish list for next payday: 1. Experience a foot spa in one of the trendy salons in the city's biggest mall. 2. Eat out at Yellow Cab...pizzaaaaa 3. Treat my husband to a warm cuppa coffee in Starbucks.  I have to be real here so am cutting the wishes to just three.

As of this moment....my financial status is of no consequence...in desperation...I pored over back issues of magazines looking for ways on how to increase my dwindling income...just to see an article on a previous winner of a local lottery ticket...how lucky!!!

Reminder to self:  Buy 2 valid tickets for the next local lottery draw....if budget permits....If not ask hubby to buy the tickets.

Mood: optimistically hopeful
Listening to: Clinking Coins

Now you must be wondering why I have two titles up on this article......not really sure but it beats flipping a coin and choosing one that best describes my ineffectual bid at thriftiness...

Last night at exactly 8:15pm...i burrowed through the usual mess I had on my tiny purse....last months payslip..the previous months cable bill...my usual grocery bills stacked in an ungainly fashion looking for some hidden (how i wish) money.  No paper bills surfaced....not even a lowly 20 peso bill showed up.....Darn it....now i have to live with a few measly coins that i dredged up from the cookie jar and from my medicine cabinet.  Hah!!!  Lotsa good it'll do me.

Good thing payday is early this morning.  Pathetic as it seems...I actually had to trade in a few dollars just to make sure that I make it till my next payday.

Its just that everything that might happen disastrously did.  My head is pounding right now on how to make ends meet. My househelp just hooked up a 110 volt 27" television on a 220 volt powersource. What do you expect would happen...without cartoon network my kids would die.....i would too (imagine the chaos).  I had to shell out 1,800 bucks to make sure that its up and working in 2 days. Dana and Leila...my eldest and second daughter is going to be recognized next weekend....being with honors have some perks...my kids does not let me forget that.

Back to the grindstone for me.....the urge to splurge does not stop...because the responsibility basically goes on and on...but how can a pocketful of coins fill up the difference????   I wonder..................

Mood: Nonconformist
Listening to: A louder kinda blabber

I sit here surrounded with people....deafening voices that seem to permeate the thickness of the suffocating air can be heard three rows back.  My throat is killing me and to cinch it all i am hungry.  

I work the graveyard shift...trying to make sure that peoples dsl problems gets solved as soon as possible through the phone...not a pretty way to earn money. Imagine the number of irate customers that would call in complaining about their connectivity. (Sigh!!)

Have you watched GATTACCA?? The movie where they splice your dna and reconstruct everything so that your offspring would be engineered even before being conceived??...producing voila!!!...perfect human specimens.  Not only does it have something to do with wanting perfection, it also has a lot to do with needing and obsessing with conformity.

If you look at it..Being different does sometime scare a lot of people...even the intelligent ones.

I dont easily get upset anymore when i see people drinking beer early in the morning....and I don't get upset when people eat dog or snake or whatever there is abundant in their native region....I guess this is their culture.

What is scary is someone who insists on holding on to ones narrow world and insisting you accompany them there. 

Am too tired to think right now...probably why my ramblings goes on and on and on and on and on and.....

 

 

Mood: Abnormally Soap Operatic
Listening to: Blabber

There are certain things in life that seems to be so incomprehensible......Life is a journey that sometimes encompasses not only a gamut of emotions but also a reason to go on and find the real meaning of BEING.....the only certain thing there is uncertainty itself.

Typical of a 29 year old woman still searching for answers....I seek something that is unknown even to myself...such  questions bears no answers though.  Typical......(sigh).  Is it the thought of turning 30? Feeling that the years have crept up on me and grabbed my youth has really dampened my day today....(am not a good sight for sore eyes anymore...more like a sore on the eye).

As of this moment I bear testimony to all hardships that women my age goes through....just turning thirty with the world's burden seemingly on my shoulders.  I have three gorgeous kids that seem to look up to me....for what I really don't know. They are my world right now....I am lost.  I have buried myself in three different individuals....they will grow to be individual ladies carrying a part of me in their personality....and when they go.....I will be left alone.   Definitely....I am lost. 

I am lost!!!!!  That is a shout for help in my deepest inner soul. Where to turn to....(hhhmmm...there is always OPRAH....bleeeeech!!!). 

Call it metamorphosis....(ain't that too late?) but I want to stretch out a little and feel the wind on my cheeks again (not those cheeks....Hmpfff!!! Although it wouldn't be repulsive at all to feel it hike up my skirt sometime   ...winkzz...winkzzz)       

....sad to say that freedom has a price.....and right now....am not willing to pay.

So here I am.  Literally stuck in a place I both love and hate with equal proportions....Grrrrrr!!! The only thing that tips the scale over to my situation right now is my kids...and I CANNOT live without THEM.

The thing I CAN do is write it down.....next thing you know....I might be as popular as the people who wrote those books Oprah is ecstatic about....that's a thought!!!

Heads on...heads lock....just lemme at 'em.  Wanna take a bet??