Come on a Walkabout...

Prayers Unanswered

Not since the day I walked out of Menzoberranzan have I been so torn about a pending decision. I sat near the entrance of a cave, looking out at the mountains before me, with the tunnels leading to the Underdark at my back.

This was the moment in which I believed my adventure would begin. When I had set out from Mithril Hall, I had given little thought to the part of my journey that would take me to this cave, taking for granted that the trip would be uneventful.

Then I had glimpsed Ellifain, the maiden I had saved more than three decades before, when she had been just a frightened child. I wanted to go to her again, to speak with her and help her overcome the trauma of that terrible drow raid. I wanted to run out of that cave and catch up with Tarathiel, and ride back beside the elf back to the Moonwood.

But I could not ignore the issues that had brought me to this place.

I had known from the outset that visiting Montolio’s grove, that place of so many fond memories, would prove and emotional, even spiritual, experience. He had been my first surface friend, my mentor, the one who had guided me to Mielikki. I can never express the joy I felt in learning that Montolio’s grove was under the protective eye of a unicorn.

A unicorn! I have seen a unicorn, the symbol of my goddess, the pinnacle of natural perfection! I might well be the first of my race to have ever touched the soft mane and muscled neck of such a beast, the first to encounter a unicorn in friendship. It is a rare pleasure to glimpse the signs that a unicorn has been about, and rarer still to ever gaze at one. Few in the Realms can say that they have ever been near a unicorn; fewer still have ever touched one.

I have.

Was it a sign from my goddess? In good faith, I had to believe that it was, that Mielikki had reached out to me in a tangible and thrilling way. But what did it mean?

I rarely pray. I prefer to speak to my goddess through my daily actions, and through my honest emotions. I need not gloss over what has occurred with pretty words, twisting them to show myself most favourably. If Mielikki is with me, then she knows the truth, knows how I act and how I feel.

I prayed that night in the cave entrance, though, I prayed for guidance, for something that would indicate the significance of the unicorn’s appearance. The unicorn allowed me to touch it; it accepted me, and that is the highest honour a ranger can ask. But what were the implications of that honour?

Was Mielikki telling me that here, on the surface, I was, and would continue to be, accepted, and that I should not leave this place? Or was the unicorn’s appearance to show me the goddess’s approval of my choice to return to Menzoberranzan?

Or was the unicorn Mielikki’s special way of saying “farewell”?

That last thought haunted me all through the night. For the first time since I had set out from Mithril Hall, I began to consider Montolio and Wulfgar, who had passed on from this world, and thoughts of those others I would likely never see again.

A host of questions assailed me. Would Bruenor ever get over the loss of his adopted son? And would Cattie-brie overcome her own grief? Would the enchanted sparkle, the sheer love of life, ever return to her blue eyes? Would I ever again prop my weary head against Guenhwyvar’s muscled flank?

More than ever, I wanted to run from the cave, home to Mithril Hall. And stand beside my friends, to see them through their grief, to guide hem and listen to them and simply embrace them.

Again I could not ignore the issues that had brought me to this cave. I could go back to Mithril Hall, but so could my dark kin. I did not blame myself for Wulfgar’s death – I could not have known the dark elves would come. And now I could not deny my understanding of the awful ways and continuing hunger of Lloth. If the drow returned and extinguished that – cherished! – light in Cattie-brie’s eyes, ten Drizzt Do’Urden would die a thousand horrible deaths.

I prayed all that night, but found no divine guidance. In the end, as always, I came o realise that I had to follow what I knew in my heart was the right course, had to trust that what was in my heart was in accord with Mielikki’s will.

I left the fire blazing at the entrance of that cave. I needed to see its light, to gain courage from it, for as many steps as possible as I walked into the tunnel. As I walked into darkness.