Planet Nergeedor

I was not going to write an entry today, but I'm so, I can't even think of a word to describe what I feel right now. Every member of my family is so completely self absorbed and conceited that they think everything is about them. I get depressed and  my mother gives me some bullshit ass letter saying "sorry I get on your nerves, sorry I was a bad mother, I'm sorry you have a bad life. Sorry we're poor" I can't even tell you how much it pisses me off. I mean sorry dear Mom, you are not the center of my universe. If I'm upset, though it seems implausible, it might have absolutely nothing to do with you. She thinks EVERYTHING is about her. We were in a store a few weeks back and these two ladies were speaking in Spanish as they walked by us and my mother gets all loud and says "It's very funny that people speak in other languages when they talk about people, how do they know that Americans don't speak other languages?" Well, she doesn't speak any other languages. I went off on her in the store right in front of the ladies because I heard what the ladies said. I'm all "That lady is talking about her son and just because she isn't speaking English does not mean that she is not American," and then the woman who claims she gave birth to me changes her tune and says "Well, I didn't say they were talking about me." I give her one of my looks and I reply "You thought they were talking about you, because you think everything is about, that's why you were talking loud enough so they could hear you." And the store clerk is looking at us grinning, I assume she speaks Spanish and heard the ladies too. This is how every one I know acts. In their heads the sun does not rise until they do. I have to get the fuck out of this city, I have to go some where that's only accessible by plane because only a few of them will fly. People keep asking other relatives "Why doesn't she like us? Do you give her the gifts I give her?" I can't believe that the same people who told me over and over again when I was a child that their kids are better than me and are going to do great things and I'm going to end up a welfare mother on crack. That I'm ugly, and stupid and no man will ever want me...and they don't know why I won't have anything to do with them? Oh that's right they went to church and God has forgiven them, and blood is thicker than water and I should give them all of my love and affection and buy them gifts and go to their parties, because now they want me around. How nice of them to kindly allow me into their precious hearts. I tried when I was younger to have a relationship with most of them and they still do the same exact things only now, they say shit under their breaths. I cut any emotional ties to them long ago and too bad for them that they want it back now after I have adapted myself to not needing or wanting them. People always tell me that family is the most important thing in life and that is not true at all. Family are people who are connected to you by DNA and marriage and nothing else. That whole blood is thicker than water crap, is just that, crap. That's what people say as to explain to other people why they allow mean, hateful, jealous, abusive, back stabbing people back into their lives. The only thing that is needed in life is food, water, and oxygen. Everything else is just wants and you can live without things that you want. "God has forgiven you for all your sins..." I'm sure God has, good for you, congratulations, but you all need to stop asking for my forgiveness, because guess what? There is nothing for me to forgive, I know this might shock you but I got over this whole family thing long ago. You're the ones still stuck in the past, and that's exactly what I am, a small insignificant part of your past. Get over it. I did.