Well,
So, someone said that I'm crazy. Because I said that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves because he's got some negro up in him. I'm serious! Look at him! He looks like one of my uncles. I think Momma Lincoln was tipping out to the slave cabins at night. She was a freak. Ha-Ha!
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When I was a teenager I read the book 'Disappearing Acts' by Terry McMillan. Years later I heard about a movie being made but I didn't see it because it was a HBO or Showtime movie. Anyway it came on Lifetime the other night. So I watched. Because so many years had passed since I read the book I only remembered that when the couple broke up he hacked up her furniture with an ax. I didn't remember that she had Epilepsy so I wasn't anticipating the scene where she has the seizure and says she didn't tell him about it because "men always run."
I can say with certainty that that is 100% true! I have had men literally, turn, walk away and never speak to me again. And it has happened more that a few times. Men are all over me then when they find out that I'm a human and I actually have problems other than what shoes to wear. They bounce. I used to get really upset, but now I just feel sorry for them because one day they are going to get sick with something like cancer or HIV and the chicks that they are with, are going to bounce, without saying a word, just like they did to me. You can call it Karma, What goes around comes around, God's vengeance, whatever you want. I've seen situations flip on people so many times, too many to just be coincidence. Okay for example, I know someone who married her husband because he had money, he gets sick, goes broke and now she's paying all the bills. People would rub their money in my face, and talk shit about me for being poor and now, they are worse off than I ever was (And that is pretty damn hard to do!). I'm not going to say that it doesn't hurt my feelings, because that would be a lie, but I just don't get all depressed about it anymore. Why would I want a man whose that way? The answer is I don't! (People who've claimed to be my friends have done it also, and since this town is small, I know, that they are fucked up now.)
The whole point is You never know what your life is going to be tomorrow so, treat people well today and it may make your future issues better.
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I've been thinking a lot about myself, what I think and believe in, my religious beliefs, you know, I'm having one of those life changing realizations. Not even realizations, these beliefs have always been there, they were just buried underneath all of the bull shit that society tried to force on me. I feel like I'm me now. I mean I've always been me, I guess I feel like I don't have to censor myself ... no. censor is not the word I'm looking for either. I've never been a fake person or tried to be someone I'm not but I did keep most of my self hidden, because my opinions and beliefs and personality are not "normal" according to society and it was easier for me to say nothing than it was for me to be me, so now I'm cool. I'm at peace, that's the description I'm looking for!
