Planet Nergeedor

Today was a bad day. I keep thinking about people from my past, I don't know why. I keep thinking "I wonder is he/she ever thinks of me" and I know that no one from my past cared about me so why would they think about me? I'm not going to go into my life story right now, but there are only about 5 people that are no longer in my life who did not wrong me in anyway. Sometimes I wonder why those people are no longer in my life, a few moved away. One moved away, talked to me everyday while he was gone, moved back and never spoke to me again. I only found out he moved back because this is a small town and someone he knows said something that he always said and I was all "you sound like so-and-so." And he's all "HE'S MY BESTFRIEND!"...A few gave me their numbers, said to call anytime and when I would call they'd act like they were annoyed or they'd say that they were busy and would call me back. And they didn't call, and I stopped calling, who wants to talk to people who act like it's a chore to talk to you? I don't know why I'm thinking about all of this. Anyway today I was really down so I just decided to watch some old school MC videos. Oh man, I laughed so hard at the hair styles and clothes, not hers but people like Trey Lorenz, with the 3 braids hanging out of the hat...I could not stop laughing, but back then that was the style. I slept through 'Prison Break' again. The last time I slept this much was when I had pneumonia. This isn't normal, I can't stay awake for more that a few hours at a time. Maybe it's depression again.

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I'm so sick of the news, it's like no wonder were all paranoid racists who are obsessed with celebrities, that's all the news shows, who got killed, who plotted to kill, who had a baby, who got divorced. I don't watch the news intentionally but when I'm flipping thorough the channels and I see some head line, I stop to see what's going on. The news is the reason that people think crime is worse now, when the fact is violence is actually less now. I only know this stuff because I'm really into history, but most people think the news is an accurate portrayal of what's going on around the world, when it's not. I mean most black people aren't criminals, but every single time I turn on the news there's a story about a black man committing a crime and there's a story about a white man saving a small child or animal. White men have done the most damage to me (as an adult) but I don't fear all White men and think that ALL white men are evil, and I don't cross the street when I see a group of white men. I wish everyone would realize that they are no different from someone just because they came out a little lighter or darker than the next person. How can you hate someone for something that they had nothing to do with? Humans claim to be on top of the food chain, but I don't. I don't even think we are on there at all, we've got our own chain, and humans of today are somewhere in between dumb-asses and idiots. Yeah, I feel better after my little rant. So no more news at all, for me again, I less stressed when I was doing that.

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I woke up terrified but I don't remember what I dreamed about, must have been bad. My heart was pounding, I was all sweaty (don't go there), and I was shaking. I can deal with the weird dreams but I don't want the nightmares to start up again.

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So I was watching Oprah and they were talking about how mothers pass on their emotional scars to their children in the womb and Oprah was all "thank Jesus, I don't have babies, they would be so messed up." And I'm all "if this shit is true, thank everything that is holy that I don't have kids, they'd be like those crazy bastards who keep trying to shoot up the schools."   It's funny that I saw that show, because I just said that I'm not having kids until I deal with my issues. Maybe this is a sign that I'm on the right track. Ha-Ha. Usualy I don't watch Oprah unless it's a fun type of episode. But this was interesting to watch.

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I've got to go, it's 3 am and I need to eat something before I pass out. The last thing I need right now is a keyboard shaped bruise on my forehead. I'm in a bad mood, so I'll read ya' when I'm feeling better. Be Good And Have Fun.