Planet Nergeedor

Well, the reason I had my mini-nervous breakdown yesterday, is because the mayo doc called me and said that the ana results were abnormal, he didn't know why, and to go back to the doc that sent me to mayo. The reason the doc sent me to mayo was because she didn't know why the same test was abnormal, so I have to go to more docs now. I feel like a fucking ping-pong ball. I'm just getting thrown back and forth, back and forth. I can deal with being sick, it's just being sick, on top of loneliness, on top of people fucking with me all the time... I don't show it but I am very sensitive. I feel everything so deeply and whenever people needed to be comforted I was always there, I took care of everyone and now no one is taking care of me. If I say that I'm not feeling well they try and trump me! "Oh, well that's nothing compared to what I'm going through."  I just want someone to take care of me. I need that now more than ever and I have no way of getting what it is I need. I would have been fine yesterday if I could have called someone and they would have just been here. The quality of my voice right now is horrible, I'm having trouble with my ears and a singer can't sing without a voice and ears. I feel like everything that I've worked for or towards is being taken away from me. I can only take so much... I don't even know what I'm doing any more. I got through last night by watching movies and funny interviews that I had taped. I still haven't went to sleep. I'm completely lost. Sorry if I freaked anyone out...I'm a basket case right now.