Planet Nergeedor

I can't even talk about Christmas right now!

 

I'm so sick. I tried to sleep but could not. I had a complete physical breakdown followed by an emotional break down. I worked on my book a little, I read a few chapters of a book, watched a movie, ate some comfort foods, nothing helped. I tried to listen to music but I couldn't decide what I should listen to so I just sat there in silence. I just keep telling myself. "You've been through this before, you're strong, relax, relax, calm down." The past week I've been using a heating pad, it doesn't help, it's more of an emotional comfort. I'm a complete mess! I've got that funny feeling I get right before the pain gets bad and it's causing anxiety. I also have anxiety because of one of my docs. I don't get her. The Monday before Christmas she calls, leaves a message telling me to call her so she can talk to me about my test results. I call her back five minutes later. "She's with a patient." She doesn't call back, the next day she still doesn't call. On Wednesday someone from her office calls and says "We faxed your records over to Mayo, they'll be able to go into more detail, make sure you keep your appointment with them." I hang up the phone and scream "Well what in the fuck did she call for!" Okay so this test is called..., (ana?) I can't remember the name it's the test to see if your immune system is attacking your organs by mistake. Now the only time a doc wont talk to you about your test results over the phone is when it's bad right? All my other test results were given over the phone, except for  the HIV ( a different doc did this test and she looks at me for a few moments and then says "Oh you're negative." I'm all for a doc joking around but that's one test that just isn't funny!)  test results 'cause they aren't allowed to give those results over the phone, I don't think. Or either they just wanted me to come in to get the money for my office visit. Ha-Ha!...Don't you hate when you go to a doc and he/she walks in and says "Your test results were all normal. See you in six months." Then you get a bill for eighty bucks! I'm so sick of test! I have been tested for every disease from a to z! I've even been tested for arsenic, I immediately thought about that uncle I have, you know the sociopath! Ha-Ha! I'd never heard of the test this doc ordered! I have no idea what the Mayo people are gonna do. I'm just glad that someone is trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Have you seen that TV show 'mystery diagnosis'? That's what my life is like. Test after test after test, all normal. My doc was funny when she told me about my biopsy results

Doc: Well I've got good news and I've got bad news.

me: (saying "well what is it?" with my eye brows)

doc: well the good news is your results were abnormal, the bad news is we don't know why. But there is something wrong with you (smiling)

 

I've probably got something simple like the Scurvy or something! Ha-Ha. LMAO. (I think that's what it's called, that disease you get from lack of vitamin c. Pirates used to get it back in the day) Ha-Ha. I was chatting with a med. student and told him my symptoms and he told me It sounds like a vitamin d deficiency. If I thought that was true I'd go to the nearest farm and suck all the cows dry. Ha-Ha! But nope, all that crap has been tested, I don't know how I still have any blood in me as much as they take out! ...

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So I saw "Memoirs Of A Geshia"...WOW! It was so amazing. I forgot all about feeling bad! It's a good movie even if you haven't read the book! But the book is so detailed and there is only so much that can be squeezed into a movie. Having read the book gave a sense of "that happened because..." I love Ziyi Zhang. She was so good. The entire cast was good and just like the book I wanted to punch Hashamoto in the face! That's how females do me, all the time! They start drama with me for no reason! I know exactly how Suyuri felt!

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Hell has froze over! Both my mother and my sister listened to me read the part of my book that's finished, and at one point I got tired of reading and they both started screaming "Go on." SEE I told you it was a good story! I'm not being full of myself! Ha-Ha. ('Cause believe me they ain't gonna say that just to be nice!) I'm excited to get it done, so I can start working on my next one which will change genres, the next one is sci-fi, I've already got it mapped out. I guarantee that this one will be a movie and of course I'll be in the lead role! That's why I need to get better quickly! Or at least get back to functioning!

 

My sister was funny! I'm watching TCOR

me: Riddick would get killed around me. I'm in my shower and some dude is down stairs shaving his head

sister: Who are you kidding? You'd say "Hey baby come in the shower and let me help you."

 

I would never do such a thing! (innocently)

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I think this whole blog thing is working for me, because a long time ago I stopped showing people my work and now I don't care. I'm such a private person and my songs are so personal that I didn't want anyone who didn't HAVe to hear them to hear them... The whole blog is ironic...

 

My real life:

I barely speak

I'm intensely private

 

My blog life:

I can't shut up

I'm putting all of my business out in the streets!