Planet Nergeedor

I had the craziest dream last night...I was in my living room, on the floor with my head on Vin Diesel's lap, we did that whole upside down, spider man kiss thing. Then I was asleep and the entire house lit up, and I screamed "it's the FBI" and Hal Sparks who had been sleeping next to me sat up and told me he put some boats in my name. Next I was in a different house and it was storming outside and Hal Sparks was trying to abduct me. Someone started to roll things down the stairs, like a vase, and a barrel. It was John Cusack he didn't want to throw something and hit me instead of Hal so  moved out of the way with my daughter (who was blonde and white) and then I was outside in the rain trying to get into a car...I dreamed about Hal Sparks and Vin Diesel because I watched 'I love the 80's' and then 'Pitch Black' before I went to sleep. I have no idea why John Cusack popped up in there.

----------------------------------------------------

I forgot to eat dinner last night! I was trying to go to sleep and my stomach started hurting and then I remembered that I hadn't eaten all day. Now I've forgotten to eat before, but that was when my schedule was hectic. But I did nothing all day yesterday! I had nothing to do. I'm losing my mind! What kind of nut case forgets to eat.

-------------------------------------------------------

People think I've got it all together

From the show

And my sweet, sweet smile

But do they know if I've been happy ever

Pull up a chair 'cause this could take a while...

-J. Velasquez

 

People really think that I have this great life. Girls have told me that they're jealous of me and I hear constantly "you're lucky because..." If people really knew what my life is like no one would be jealous of me and they'd thank God that they aren't me. No one knows the hell I've been through...I have completely blocked out 99% of my life. I know about my life but at certain points my memories go blank. I guess the mind does what it has to, to allow the body to survive. I walk around all the time saying that I am a highlander, but no one knows why. Basically I should be dead. No human should have survived most of the things I've been through, but I just wont die...Every single time in my life that I've tried to have close friends, I've had the "We'll never be real friends if you wont open up to me" conversation. I sit down and tell them about my life, then they tell me "wow you're so strong", then they have a complete emotional break down (I end up comforting them) and they stop returning phone calls and eventually never speak to me again. That has happened to me countless numbers of time. So now I just keep everything to myself. It wouldn't hurt as much if people stopped talking to me because they didn't like my personality or I did something to them, but having people constantly turn their backs on me because of things that I've been through, is so hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.