Planet Nergeedor

I don't understand ebay! Most of the "Memorabilia" are cheap imitations, like the "riddick goggles!" for 125 bucks...I wouldn't pay that much even if they were authentic, I don't care if Jesus wore them!...Then they have obviously homemade movie set items... I love how people have taken photos of celebs from the internet, shellacked them on wood and are calling it memorabilia...I guess my untrusting nature is what forces me to look at everything under a microscope...Good for me, bad for business...You should read some of these scam letters I get. I save all of my junk mail, because it's funny as hell and I respond to a lot of them. Like the psychic who wanted to sell me her powers for 19.99...I wrote her back and said something like "I didn't put my name on this because you're psychic and know who I am"... Hey if they are gonna annoy me, I feel I have every right to annoy them back!...I never put my name when I respond! The church groups that ask for "seed offerings" I fill out their forms with shit like:

Name: Lucifer P. Satan

Address: 666 Hell's Pit, Hades...anyway

 

I love the letters I get from secret societies that have money for me but I have to pay them money first, to show that I trust them...I couldn't sleep at night if I robbed people like that. Fucking Assholes!

 

I should start my own secret society...that's be fun! (Yes, I'm this bored!)

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The Soup -- another clip show that I love, it cracks me up!

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I haven't been sleeping at all. I sleep for two hours at a time and then I'm wide awake.

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I said I'd tell you about being chased by animals...

 

1. I'm at the beach, minding my own business eating potato chips. I drop one and a couple of birds flew down and started fighting over it. The next thing I know dozens (well maybe 10 or 11) birds are swooping down near my head, so I dropped the chips and ran into the water and they went crazy over that bag!

 

2. We heard something in the walls, figured it was a rat (we don't have cute little mice), so we put out poison The power went out, I go down stairs with a flashlight and two red eyes are staring at me in the beam and then suddenly the motherfucker starts charging at me. The poison didn't kill it, it just got high! Ha-Ha.

 

3. I go and check the mail one day and I saw a few bees flying around, nothing unusual. I open the mail box and suddenly they're every where so I drop the mail and haul ass but one caught me and I swear I thought I had been shot or something when It stung me. I've never seen that many bees in my life and I don't want to see anymore.

 

4. Dogs...I've been chased by so many dogs. There used to be a wild pack of strays around here and I had to walk to the freaking bus stop and they would let me pass. They were thugs! People say "oh you shouldn't run." I would love to meet the nutcase who is going to stand there while a pack of evil dogs are running full speed towards them. I wasn't trying to wait and see what they were gonna do! I've only got one ass and I'd very much like to keep it!... I would however...I'm gonna stop! I don't know what's wrong with me lately! I can't believe I was gonna say that!...I think it's the lack of sleep.

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Things I say for no reason:

 

Sake' (not sure if it's spelled right)

 

What the deuce? (from family guy)

 

The same thing we do every night Pinky...no, try and take over the world (from Pinky and The Brain)

 

It's a sick sad world (from Daria)

 

Day one Vivian, day damn one. (from Fresh Prince)

 

I didn't come here to play who's the better killer (from TCOR)

 

That's a rumor! We do not know if I slept with Lady Eloise, I had a chitchat with Lady Eloise. (from Boomerang)

 

...Then I'd say you's a Got Damn Lie, 'cause that shit never happened! (from Chatline, or room?)

 

I consider myself a good judge of people and that's why I don't like any of them... (from the Roseanne show)