Planet Nergeedor

I can't sleep, even though I am beyond tired. I tried reading a book, but my mind kept wandering off. I tried to watch a movie, but after 15 minutes of trying to decide what to watch, I gave up. I said before that my surroundings reflect what's going on inside my head and lets just say that it looks like a hurricane came through here. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm sleepy, tired, bored, lonely, depressed, and angry.

 

Maybe I should take Black Widow out of retirement. There's Sims that need killing. Ha-Ha. Hmm, I don't seem to be up for that either. I don't know, I keep thinking of things that usually cheer me up, but I lack the desire to do anything. I'm completely drained. I haven't even re-hung my paintings. When I was about 20 or 21, my whole life fell apart and I felt exactly the way I feel now only worse and I didn't leave the house, I didn't do anything, I just laid in bed. I didn't even cry, I was like a zombie or something. See This is what I'm talking about, I just laid my head on the desk for about five minutes, I'm completely drained of energy. It's official now, I'm a mess.

I'm just sitting here minding my own business and then I think about the dream I just had (in my dream, a ghost told me it was going to kill me and I couldn't move or speak but I managed to get out two words, fuck and you. Ha-Ha. Yeah that sounds like me.) anyway, I think about my dream and every thing comes flying of the wall, a painting, a spice rack that held perfume bottles (none broke, thankfully). The only thing that stayed on the wall was my MC calendar everything else suddenly came off the wall, the picture hanger is in place and it's not loose or anything. I mean the stuff didn't just fall, it came away from the wall.

 

Now something just ran under the desk, all I saw was a tail so it is either a rat (we don't get the cute little mice, we get rats. Ha-Ha) or it's a big lizard. Yet again I'm under siege.

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My little rant yesterday happened because, I'm having some memories and I'm a complete basket case right now. I've been eating, crying, listening to music, crying, eating, using the jump rope. I'm all ready dealing with so much stuff, now is not the time for my repressed memories to surface. Can't handle it right now. I feel worse than I did yesterday, but I'm more calm today. I don't know what to do with myself.

 

Maybe I'll go watch Pitch Black, Riddick always makes my boo-boos better. Ha-Ha!

Anyway. I have to get away from this desk, the last thing I need is a heart attack and if that thing runs over my foot, that's exactly what's going to happen.