Planet Nergeedor

I can't sleep, big shock. Try not to get too freaked out by it...

I'm in a really bad mood. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to go to sleep for a few days, but guess what? I can't sleep.

 

there was this movie on and a girl was crying over a man and I say:

 

me: don't cry girl, get a baseball bat and bust out his knee caps

47 year old: men are dogs

me: and I'm the mother fucking euthanizer

47 year old: (looks at me like I'm crazy)

 

I also screamed at two people today because they keep asking me what I want for my birthday and I keep saying nothing and I just snapped. Ha-Ha. Yeah I do that some times. I was all "I said I don't want anything. Stop harassing me!" ...the thing is they asked me what I want after they're talking about how they don't have any money for 20 minutes. I'm convinced that I'm adopted. Ha-Ha. I'm always saying to my parents "Where's my real family at?"

 

I don't know what I'm saying, this is just completely random. Well, I'm always random but usually, never mind. This is my insomnia, pissed off...never mind again.

 

my tummy hurts (in my baby voice), probably because I've been damn near drinking hot sauce. I think I over do it with seasonings and spices because when I'm singing I can't touch the stuff.

 

I've been less annoyed since I stopped watching the news. Yes, my dear friends, ignorance is bliss! I was getting something to eat and the news was on and heard that my boy died. You know the man who played the father in "A Christmas Story." DAMN IT. Well, eventually we all have to go.

 

I'm gonna get back in bed, maybe I'll drift off.

You know how they say that drug addicts dream about drugs? And remember I told you entertainment is my drug of choice? Well, I think that's true because I dream about entertainers, movies, performing on a regular basis. Usually the last entertainer I see is the person I dream about. But last night I dreamed about people that never cross my mind and I dreamed about VD but that's 'cause he was on the Parade cover Sunday. Anyway, this is what I dreamed...

 

I hear two men talking outside my window, so I go outside and my neighbor is holding up this drunk man who's wearing a hoodie. I go and try and help the guy, he is beyond drunk, I mean he is just fucked up, I struggle with him, get him into my house, drop him on a bean bag (in reality I don't have one of those) and he flops back, I finally get a good look at his face and it's Vin Diesel. He was slurring his words and kept trying to grab my boob, then magically the TV is on and it's some big scandal about him. I can't remember what happened, something bad, so I let him hid out at my house, then magically I'm in a book store in Japan, I tap a woman on the shoulder and say "excuse me. Are you Cree Summer?" she says yes and I tell her how I'm a big fan blah, blah, blah. Then the next thing I know, I'm sitting in a Japanese whore house across the table from me is Kalise (SP?). Her hair is dyed green but it's still dripping wet and some spots aren't dyed. I have my head laying on Keisha Coles' shoulder and she's whispering in my hear "look at her hair, I know she doesn't think she looks good like that blah, blah, blah..." then I look at KC and her hair looks exactly like Kalise's hair. Then I'm outside of a gym working out with two little boys and one of them gets in my face and says something to me (can't remember what.) I'm making fun of this dude because he's really built and he's has no weights he's just lifting the bar and he's struggling to do it.  And then I woke up. I believe I said something like "What the fuck?" I dreamed something else also, but that's way TMI! Ha-Ha.

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Remember I told you that Lt. Ford's (the monkey) dog tags fell off? Well, the thing hasn't "moved" since then! No kidding. (Okay so how much of a nut case do I sound like?) Ha-Ha!

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Let's see, I've got books, movies, music, games, paint, piano, pens, internet and guess what... I'm bored! Beyond bored! And I'm cold, and I'm hungry but I'm tired of eating (by the way, my stomach looks like I'm 15 months pregnant, no kidding). I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to go somewhere, I want to do something different. But what? Oh maybe the museum. There's a painting there, I'm not gonna tell you what it is, it's a very famous painting. When I was a little kid, I would just stare at it because that's what I thought being loved and safe should feel like. I found a place online that has prints of it, but I have a hard time paying 50 bucks for anything! I'm gonna go a head and suck it up and buy it when I get some extra cash. I think I am going to go to the museum though, not today maybe tomorrow...

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I made an OLDBOY sims house, had lots of fun! I had two men and a woman locked up but she died (okay maybe I put her bed in front of the fire place and it "accidentally" caught on fire. Ha-Ha) so now I have two women who run the business and the two guys are the prisoners. The front of the house looks like a waiting room and there's an office to the right and then the holding cells are in the back. Fun stuff! Maybe I'll go and do that. Maybe not, I'm in a strange mood.

TMJ and Tinnitus. That's what's wrong with my ears. I also have poor hearing in my left ear, so I have to get it checked again in a year. I've been complaining to doctors about my ears and they all said "Your ears are fine, blah, blah, blah". My regular doctor sent me to a specialist and this guy looked at my test results, examined me for 2 seconds and told me exactly what is wrong with me and what to do about. Sadly there's nothing I can do about the tinnitus, they just gave me some papers on things to do to cope with it. It angers me that some doctors think that they know everything, so if a patient comes in with something unfamiliar to them, they just write the person off. I'm not concerned about this as long as I don't lose all of my hearing! I don't know how I could function without music. It scares me to even think about that possibility.

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I don't know what the name of this movie is but it was on BET last night. The acting was questionable, the story was questionable but two things cracked me up. The first was this chef who said in a French accent "She's not very bright, which means she's stupid." And the other thing that cracked me up, was the fact that this was a Christian, religious, come back to the church, your life is meaningless without God type of film,  and all of the commercials were advertisements for porn videos! Ha-Ha. Advertiser know who's really buying the porn and it ain't the atheist. Ha-Ha. You know it's true! Ha-Ha.

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I get online and all of my emails have been opened! What in the world?

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I had a dream that an albino anaconda was in my bed and I was terrified of the thing but I just stayed in the bed and kept trying to push it away. Now in real life, I would have been out of bed so quick that the anaconda would think the he just imagined me there. Who in there right mind is gonna just try and push away an anaconda? Child please. I don't roll like that. I have the strangest dreams.

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I can't stop thinking about Ronin. I really got a kick out of that episode! The way he punched Michael in the head. Ronin has serious anger management issues! But if you think about it, he knew Michael wasn't "cured." I keep seeing him jumping through the stargate and landing on the ground over and over again in my head. I woke up this morning smiling about it. Man that was some funny shit! I LOVE THIS SHOW!

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Well, that's all for now my little pookie wookies. Be good and have fun!

Last night was so much fun! On SG1 when Tealc swings at Mitchell's head without warning, I completely lost it. And when that fool says he thinks they were shrunk. Oh man, funny stuff! ...And of course on my dear sweet Atlantis ... Ronin stole this weeks show! When he jumped through the Stargate and landed on the ground. He was hilarious! "...I'm waiting for you to give me a reason to kill you..." How can you not love that! And when Teyla and Michael were sparring and Ronin comes out of no where and is just choking the shit out of Michael. I couldn't not stop laughing at Ronin. As far as the story goes it was fun but I figured out what was going on in a nano second. They should hire me to write for 'em. Oh we would have sooooo much fun with Ronin and Ford would be back, permanently!

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You know what I think I may have said this before, I can't remember with all of the yammering I seem to do. Anyway. On The SIMS 2 when you use the metal detector, the sim is happy with what it finds unless, it's "The Urbz: SIMS in the City," then the sim groans, throws it on the ground and stomps on it. ...Yeah I feel the same way about the Urbz, it will be traded the next time I go video game shopping.

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I can't even deal with people any more. Not even the nerds. I mean every time I go to a gamers site, looking for info. I have to read dumb fuckers saying things like "They're are no girl gamers, girls are into game cube and ps2, I don't know why girls even like those girlie games, they're not into fighting, and guns"... Okay guys the last time I checked, I own a fucking XBOX and the only game without guns and swords and blood shed that I own are Sims, that's it (and my SIMS aren't exactly living a good decent life, graves are everywhere.) My favorite games would include "Escape From Butcher Bay" Mortal Kombat" "Ninja Gaiden" "GTA" "Jade Empire" "Rune" etc, etc, etc. ...I have shut many men down. Because they assume that I'm a girl so they have to show me which buttons to press. What is wrong with men? If a woman is better than them at anything they get pissey about it. I mean I've had more than one guy throw down the controller, and give me attitude or they start screaming that, "it was just a fluke." No dear, it was skill! Ha-Ha. ... Remember that episode of the Cosby Show where they're in a card tournament, the men vs. the women and Claire says"

 

Claire: Good luck

Cliff: thank you

Claire: well, aren't you going to wish us good luck

Cliff: no, it's not luck, you need skill, so I wish you skill

 

...Then Claire and her friend wins the tournament. Then Cliff and his friend act like big babies!

 

I don't know what's wrong with men. They want to be around me because I like to do the same things they like but, God forbid I'm better than them at anything, they have a shit fest. DAMN. A woman can't win can she? Either she has to pretend to be less capable or have men not talk to her for two months 'cause she beat 'em at a video game. (You know I ain't pretending to be anybody but myself!)  And this is just stupid fucking games, don't even get me started on important things. What's a girl to do?

 

And then I have guys who after me kicking their ass ten times are irate. "It's something wrong with this controller, switch with me."  I'm like "Okay, here, but it's not the controller, with the problem..." then I beat them again and it's "Oh, well I've got the flu so I'm not as quick as I usually am"  "I didn't sleep well last night" ...I actually had one dude who was ready to physically fight me over some bullshit ass game. And don't think that I'm a bad winner and rub it in their faces when I win. I'm a very mellow person, maybe I might say "Bim Yam, Sit Down" or something like that but damn, it's just a game, the world will not come to an end if a girl beats you! Ha-Ha!

 

Men are fucking insane!

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Well, I'm off. Not just in the head either!

Thanks Jackie. My b-day is actually next Friday, so I'll let you know if I get something. I don't want anything though, I mean if you have to talk about what you do "from the kindness of your heart" then it's not coming from kindness, you're just looking for a pat on the back for doing something "selfless" for the "out cast" of the family. And you know what, J? I've told them as much! Ha-Ha!

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I've read about people who have vivid dreams. I'm telling you I have the most bizarre dreams and they're so clear, sometimes I can't remember, but sometimes I wake up and remember every detail. ...Every year on Valentine's Day, I watch "Duel In The Sun," so yesterday I was thinking about how ever man should watch that movie to see what happens when you play with a woman's emotions. Ha-Ha. Anyway I go to sleep and dream that I'm in my living room having a shoot out with Kurt Cobain (sp?) and Rob Thomas. I end up running to the basement and start building walls and my sister pops up in there, I'm holding hair in my hands and I'm yelling and screaming at her because she won't braid my hair and then I just bite her. Very weird dream. Especially since it's a superstition that if you dream of hair someone is going to die. Well, it wasn't real hair so maybe that'll counteract the dream! Ha-Ha! Just kidding. I don't even wear weaves that's the most bizarre part! Ha-Ha. And there I was in my dream flipping out over some weave. What the fuck is going on inside my mind? Ha-Ha.

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Since I'm not delusional I know that I'm never going to be "mainstream" in the entertainment industry so, I'll never be on "Inside the Actor's Studio" sooooooooooo, here are my answers to that questionnaire:

 

What's  your favorite word: Can't say because it's the basis for a project that I've been working on for the past two years (It's not my book, something else)

 

least favorite word: promise (it's all lies I tell you, all lies)

 

What turns you on: Good music

 

What turns you off: most of the stuff that gets air play

 

What's your favorite curse word?: Fuck and any variation of the word fuck.

 

What sound or noise do you love: children laughing

 

What sound or noise do you hate: These loud ass birds around here, especially when I'm trying to sleep! It's not some cute little chirping it's like CAWWWWWW, CAWWWWWWWW! Fucking birds...

 

What profession other that your own would you like to attempt?: Hell if I know.

 

What profession would you not want to attempt?: A Politician, which I'm sure is some ancient word that means "Big Ass Liar" Ha-Ha

 

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates: Oooops, my bad. I forgot you were down there.

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Tonight's episode of Atlantis is something about the wraiths so hopefully they'll throw me a bone and slip Ford up in there somewhere, even if it's just for a second... I have an attachment to Ford. When I first heard about Atlantis I just went on a rant about "why in the hell are they making another stargate, SG1 is good enough, I'm not going to watch the crap, blah, blah, blah." Then I see the promos and I see Mr. Francks and I say "Okay, so maybe I'll check it out" I was really happy to see McKay in there and Ford just made my day. First he says something like "Does anyone here speak whatever these people are speaking" then when he and Shep. are standing in front of the Stargate and Shep, says "What's it feel like" and Ford says "Hurts like hell, Sir" then he smiles, jumps into the worm hole screaming "Woo Hoo!" love that, then when he's trying to name everything. I just love the Character and Rainbow Sun Francks seems like a very funny person I just died when I heard him say "I'm on the set of Atlantis, and I hope they give me two guns, I'm coming for ya!" ...Fun stuff! This show is so great! And the fact that I wanted to hate it, but now I like it better that SG1, I love that fact, the characters are great (minus weir, she gets on my nerves for some reason! Ha-Ha.), love the stories. I just can't get enough!

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WOW! I have been eating everything in sight. And I've been drowning everything it hot sauce, I can't get it hot enough. (And guys don't go sending me messages talking about you can get it hot for me. I know your minds went there, perves!) I mean I think it was Sunday that I ate an entire pan of rice crispy treats. No real food mind you. Then the next day I ate nothing but chicken dripping with hot sauce. That's it nothing else with it. Then the next day, I ate EVERYTHING I could get my hands on, and I can't blame this shit on PMS! People always tell me I eat like a pregnant woman. Ha-Ha. To state the obvious, I've got issues.

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Anyway, let me get the hell up outta here. Bye-Bye!

These are strange times! Today a woman just walks up to me and says "Hi!" very friendly. And I look at her and say hi back. The thing is she was an older white woman and my entire life older white women didn't acknowledge my presence or they grabbed their purses or something, here lately every where I go white people are being really nice. I'm talking about the older generations, white people my age have always been friendly for the most part. It's like this town has done a complete turn around. Very weird! You have to be a black person from a small southern town to understand why this sudden change in behavior is freaking me out. Something aint right! Ha-Ha.

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So as you know I'm going through a very lonely period and I've been trying to distract myself from my emotions, but they were out of control today! Last night I had a dream, I don't want to give you TMI but it started off with me getting down with one of the Ying Yang Twins, I fall asleep (in my dream) and wake up next to Rainbow Sun Francks and he says "I'm moving to L.A. you should move there with me, you need to be around people in the industry so you can shop your work around, blah, blah, blah". Suddenly I'm in a car garage and Marques Houston comes out of the back room and I start rubbing his chest and arms and then Young Rome and LDB  show up, we start talking about their Immature days and they just suddenly break into this dance where they're doing very suggestive things with baseball bats. Then every male entertainer, writer etc., that I find attractive shows up shirtless and they all surround me. So I wake up and I'm like "Good lawd, I gotta go get some movies so I can get out of my head." On the way to the video store I see four sweaty mechanics working on a car and one of them wipes his face with the back of his hands and for some reason my mind processed all of this in slow motion. Then a little while later I see some construction workers. blah, blah, blah. I get home, take a pizza cutter and start cutting a frozen pizza, I start thinking about the mechanics and construction workers, I completely zone out thinking about them and sliced right into my hand, so blood's gushing every where, I'm running my hand under water and it wont stop bleeding, so finally I get a big wad of paper towels and press down as hard as I could for about five minutes and the bleeding finally stopped. You know you've been single for way too long when you cut your hand open 'cause you're day dreaming so hard... Ha-Ha! I can't help but to laugh at myself some times!

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Recent movies:

 

Doom -- The only reason I won't say I hate this movie is because of Karl Urban and we know why I'm so fond of him!

 

The lord of war -- was boring, but funny on a few parts

 

Smile -- it was okay but the ending implied that if you look like every one else you'll have a better life, I wasn't too fond of that idea

 

Bubble -- I thought I was watching a movie about this town, very accurate small town depiction, I lost it when the lady says "I don't know what happened" and I burst out with "You choked the bitch, that's what the fuck happened." (I crack myself up, but you know this already!)

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In 8 or 9 days I'll be 26! Can you believe that! I told everyone that I don't want anything and not to buy me anything. I hope they listen! I don't want to have to hear them on the phone saying how they don't have any money because they had to buy me something! I'm just gonna watch Atlantis or something the whole day.

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Anyway as you can tell I'm not in my normal "can write all night, every night" mood so maybe I'll be here tomorrow, maybe I won't, who knows. I've got movies to watch. Have fun and be good!

I've been having a hard time lately, so I've been trying to stay out of my head. I've been on a Sims spree, the past week I've played it from the time I get up until I go to bed. Every year around this time I lose my mind. My birthday is next week and I'm dreading it! Just another day for me to feel like crap on. At least it's on a Friday and we all know why I love Fridays! SCI FI Fridays ... of course! My mother asked what I wanted for my birthday and I told her a puddle jumper, not really expecting that one! Ha-Ha ...

 

Speaking of my mother, I almost knocked her over! She starts coming towards me and I thought she was trying to fight me or something so I push her as hard as I could and she says "It's not nice to push your mother away" and I say "why are you rolling up on me" and she looks at me like I'm crazy and says "I was just trying to hug you" ...Okay well what kind of reaction did she think she was going to get when she's never hugged me in my life? How was I supposed to know that's what she was doing? I thought some shit was about to go down. Every one in this entire city has completely changed their personalities. If I go into people's attics and garages I bet I'd find empty pods. This is some serious Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Body Snatchers type of shit.

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What is wrong with people? Asian women are some of the most beautiful women on the planet and they are hacking up their eyes to look more western! (The men are too!) ...Have you seen the women in Hollywood lately? they're all plastic, scary looking skeletons! Some don't even look human any more! ... I guess people see themselves differently than others do! ... And then these butt implants, what in the world are people thinking? What are they going to do when the J.Lo, Beyonce booty is no longer fashionable? The skin will be stretched so they can't have it removed! I wonder what our decedents (if we have any) are going to think when they start digging up our bodies and find all of this plastic and shit inside. I am completely against kids getting their ears pinned back. Our children are not going to be capable of being strong if they conform every time they have an issue that other people make fun of.   The only thing I think I'd have done is if for instance, after a 200 pound weight loss  a massive amount of lose skin was present. I think that is medically necessary. I've seen people on tv who lost that much weight and they had infections because the sagging skin remained wet. So things like that I believe are medically necessary. The only good thing about the worlds obsession with plastic surgery is that it has advanced and people who are disfigured in accident's and things like that have more options.

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Why in the heck did they remake 'The Pink Panther"? And cast Steve Martin of all people in the roll, I've seen some clips and I'm just not interested in watching.

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One of My favorite movies ever is "The Heiress", I love how she turns on them in the end. When she's asked "Can you be so cruel?" and she says "Yes, I can be very cruel..." the sound in her voice is so amazing when she says that, it's almost like "What'd you think I'd do?" love this movie, sadly I don't own it (can't find it!), but TCM plays it so I get to see it occasionally!

 

I want to rent some movies but I am broke as hell! So I'll watch some of mine. I'm very 'ocd' about movies,cds and books, every thing is alphabetized, lined up neatly. I  think I get some sort of high from buying movies, especially if I get them at a lower cost!

I'm talking to this girl and I say "she's stuck up"

A few days later the girl I called stuck up comes up to me

 

stuck up girl: Did you say that I'm stuck up?

me: yeah

stuck up girl: Why'd you say that about me

me: because you're stuck up

 

I guess she was expecting me to do like other women and say "Oh, no I didn't say that about you, she's lying!" ...If I say something about you one day, I'll say it again the next.

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I had let a man use my computer and he wasn't bright enough to delete the cookies and history so I found out the websites he visited when I deleted them, I was disgusted to say the least. Any way to get to my point... I had to block instant messages for months because he pretend to be me while chatting. It's like the movie 'Closer' you never know who you're talking to online! I wonder what their reaction would be if they knew?   So someone is fucking with me again. I have to change all of my online passwords, again! And I'm probably going to block all messages again, from my screen name. It's probably one of those dudes who is doing it! Because I blocked them personally. Now I'm running my spyware, virus wear every time I log off. I kept having the same spyware on there until I updated so I don't get those warning messages any more. I found a weird email that was sent from one of my screen names also (This isn't the first time either). Things have been deleted from bloggio also, my favorites and preferences. I don't think it's bloggio. ...I don't think they're doing it for financial gain because if they saw my bank account they'd feel sorry for me and add money! Ha-Ha. It doesn't matter though, there really isn't anything on my computer that's private, no bank info. or any thing like that.

 

I actually had no control over my old computer. It would go to websites on it's on, and I kept turning off the remote wake up, but it kept doing the same thing so finally I disabled the feature from the start up menu instead of inside the os. I also would unplug the phone because it would try to sign on by itself always under the same screen name. I don't keep my passwords saved so it couldn't get on. It was just a big hassle! You can't do much without this os, but I'm going to switch to another operating program because os is targeted so much. I think like this one news anchor that said he thought the spyware and adware companies hire people to release viruses to get people to purchase their products.

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This weeks Stargate Atlantis Episode didn't do much for me. It was a Weir heavy episode. I'm not a Weir fan, she's just too dry for me, no flavor at all. You know what? They should have Weir and Ronin get together, she needs to loosen up a bit. Ha-Ha.

I've banned myself from watching tv channels that piss me off. Instead of surfing I'll only turn to the channels that I like. (TCM, Sci Fi, History, A&E, CN, etc.) This is why I need to only watch movies! I'm staying away from news! Exactly how much does a fact checker cost?

 

On one channel (this was 4 or 5 in the morning) some religious program was on. The lady says she can't walk without her crutches and that she's in constant pain, so the Minister pushes her down on the ground and screams "You are healed in the name of Jesus!" ...This lady gets up starts crying and screaming and running up and down the isle. Then they start saying for a small donation you can get this special healing cloth and God wants them to be healed...Who believes this stuff? I mean the way she was running she could compete in track and field and win!

 

I happened to stop on another church channel and I look and I'm  "why the heck are they playing Moral Orel on here?" It wasn't Moral Orel and I don't know the name but the main Character's name is Davie and he looked just like Moral Orel. It looks pretty old school, but it was hilarious, to realize that Morel Oral probably came from making fun of that... I'll never know for sure though!

 

And they have children watching some weird shows! I wonder if I was a kid now if I'd watch those shows. Our poor kids! Ha-Ha!

 

I know I said this before but Hi Def really creeps me out! I'm not used to people on tv looking that way!

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I swear that the same people who did the voice overs for Iron Chef, did the voices for 'OldBoy' and about five different anime shows... I really don't like dubbed movies because part of acting has to do with the voice. I'd much rather read the subtitles!

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I think I have dementia or something. I was reading something I wrote in my entry a few days ago, I wrote one thing when I meant another, I know you were probably thinking "What in the hell?" I'll change it another day. I was talking about 'Prison Break," kept saying Michael Scakle (sp) when I meant Michael Scoffield(sp). This is a regular thing with me now! I go to the bathroom and forget why I went in there. Above I was writing the word 'ground' and I spelled it 'grown.' I've been misspelling a lot of words wrong. I meant to grab Lysol and instead I grabbed contact solution.

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So I calmed down a lot. I swear I completely lose my mind for 4 or 5 days out of every month! I don't even have mood swings, I have personality swings. I was so mad! I can't even explain how mad I was. And over something so stupid! I mean I was wronged and should have been mad, but not THAT mad.

...I've read about different vitamins and herbs that can help with PMS but the way I flip out, I don't think anything short of prozac will help. Ha-Ha!

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I'm not feeling so hot, I've got a fever and I am tired even though I got a little more sleep then I usually do, so that's enough of my rambling for today!

 

I found the weapons of mass destruction: RELIGION!

People use religion as the reason that they are being violent, when we all know, people are violent because they want power, it has nothing to do with religion! Throughout history every war has been fought for control and power. Any one with any sense doesn't read religious material and decide "Oh well, they killed in here to get what they wanted so it's okay for me to do it." Keep it real! Don't hide behind religion. Say the real reason you're doing what you're doing. You'd think that people would learn from history that there is no way that all people can be scared into doing what you want them to do. I'll never back down and believe something that I don't out of fear, the reality is the only thing they can do is kill you. That's it! If you think about it, we all have to die some way! But this is the way of humans and this will always be the way of humans until we're extinct!

 

A building isn't the church! The people are the church! Worship can and will take place any where!

 

That Island I want to live on looks better and better every day! Seriously, all I need is a dvd player, a cd player, chocolate (women understand that one!), a toothbrush, and books! Maybe a few new dvds dropped from a plane a few times a month. That's it!

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I was so angry yesterday that I didn't know what to do with myself! The past 3 months I have just tried to "turn the other cheek" "let things go" and last week I said, "I can't take any more." And then the smallest thing was my breaking point. I mean I completely over reacted, well no I didn't over react, I just could have reacted in a different way. But you know I am not going to stand for any more poor treatment. Not that I stood for it before, but, you know what I'm saying! I'm just past the point of return. I don't think that I'll EVER trust anyone! I always say "Trust no one, suspect everyone. And make sure you get a receipt." People especially those who have money have no reason to do the right thing any more. I'm just one little person, I can't do anything about it, the only thing that I can to is complain about it.

 

When I first started this blog I was in a good place mentally, and now I'm angry, and fed up, and I'm probably going to go back to how I was before. I think I went a year without leaving the house, that's probably why that prison rumor got started. I said I was going to do something for my birthday since I never do, but right now I don't want to do any thing. Who knows how I'll be feeling then, hopefully better.

 

 

 

 

I'm so sick of people thinking that they can treat me any way they want to and that I'm just going to "be the better person," "let God deal with it" ...No. I'm tired of people trying to screw me over. I try to reason with people and give them second chances but they just act like fools so then I have to either let people treat me like trash or fight back and if I fight back, they usually see my side of things but then I have to hear that I'm mean and unforgiving ...I'm tired of people taking my money and thinking that "it's such a small amount that she won't do anything about it" ...I'm done with letting things go, because the more I let things go, the more things come into my life that I have to let go. I have too many real problems to have to deal with this type of bullshit. I can't even be sick in peace! I mean today I'm having PMS (Psychotic Menstrual Syndrome), I'm feeling bad, I couldn't sleep, and then I have to deal with people who can't do a simple job. Being Nice and Reasonable gets you no where in life, especially if money is involved! It's not the money, it's the fact that people can think they can treat people any way they want to and that the person is just going to "let it go." Without customers, regular customers you have no job! I can't even talk about this without being livid! I HAVE to stand up for myself, no one else is going to!

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Recent movies:

 

Audition -- Oh man, this bitch was crazy as hell! I mean one man does something to you doesn't mean you have to go around a mutilate and kill men! She played that part too well! They'd better search her basement for bodies! ...I had to scream at the tv on one part. The man's son comes home and finds him on the floor, fights the nut case woman and then goes to his dad and says "Dad are you okay", so I end up screaming at the tv "If you had needles in your eyes and your foot was gone, would you be okay?" ...this movie was fun though

 

Two Sisters -- This was a fun movie even though it was easy to figure out.

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I have to go now, it's almost 8:30 pm and I still haven't ate anything, which is making me even more irritable!

 

 

 

You know, I try really hard to mind my own business, but if people are gonna be assholes to people just because they can, how am I supposed to hold my tongue? ...I know why they stay away from me, it's because they've read my blog and know that I'm "The Word Samurai" and have yet to be defeated. People 40 years older than me still acting like they're 12, I should insult 12 year olds like that! ...Really pissed off!

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I'm watching Sci Fi and A commercial comes on, and I look at the tv and say "Ain't that the boy from Passions?" ...then the announcer said something like 'Passions coming to Sci Fi daytime' ...yep, they're gonna start running episodes. I watched Passions for about 6 months when it first came out, I guess when I was 18 or 19, but when it got hoakie I dropped them like a bad habit. I mean if Sci Fi is trying to get more female viewers or something, they should try Joe F. and Rainbow F. ...shirtless. Ha-Ha. I mean come on! I'm a woman and I watch Sci Fi ... this just doesn't make sense, but Passions is still on the air right? So somebody's been watching it! I hate American soap operas but show me some univision and I love it, they sure do believe in Bitch Slapping and Choking people on a regular basis, love it!

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I had to curse somebody out maybe 2 days ago. When will people learn?  I do not play on the phone! ...And if I tell you that you have the wrong number, DON'T call back ...JJ was right, "it must be something in the water" [long story]

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I happen to have the tv on Fox and I turn it on and a talk show is own, Maury(?) and a girl says, while trying to persuade her boyfriend not to leave her "I'm sorry, every body makes mistakes." And he says "NOT 8 TIMES!" ... I completely lost it. Now if I had slept with 8 men and didn't know who my child's father was, I wouldn't go on tv to tell my boyfriend about it. But maybe that's just me! Ha-Ha. I thought I had problems!

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I haven't read magazines since I was about 18 because they just don't interest me. I happened to read a VIBE magazine yesterday and was disgusted, every page I turned to: ass hanging out of shorts, ass hanging from the bottom of skirts, asses only wearing thongs. There were a few articles about music, actors work and talent, but even those were full of gossip and saying nasty things. I seriously wish I could start a magazine. It would have the entertainer's name, the name of their next project, a description of the project and when the project will be released. That's all I need to know, that's why I hate those entertainment shows, you have to sit there and watch a six minute interview and the last 20 seconds the person is asked about their latest project!

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Well, that's all folks!

 

Sunday's Dilbert was pretty funny!

A woman goes up to what's his name and says, wanna get some coffee and talk bout Battle Stargaltica and he runs away screaming that she's too perfect, then she goes up to Dilbert and says hi and Dilbert says "what's wrong with you" I guess you have to see it. It was so funny to me because I feel her pain, ha-ha!

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WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE? When something really good happens to someone I feel happy for them, even people on tv. But most people I know sit there and down everyone else's good fortune. I LIKE to see people succeed and do well. I'd actually watch American Idol if they showed more of the people doing well!

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...I want to have a lot of money, but not for the reasons people may think. Of course I want things for myself like a house and every thing, but I want to have a lot of money because every one who adopts wants the younger kids and the older ones are pretty much screwed. I want to adopt the 14 year olds, get them through high school and then pay for them to go to college. These kids are just left out there with no guidance and then people wonder why they behave the way they behave! It pisses me off beyond reason when these celebrities go to other countries to adopt when they're are so many children here who need homes. I am a firm believer that you need to fix your own problems before you go up in other countries business! I'm not saying it's bad that Americans help other countries, I'm saying that some people pay a lot of attention to what's going on every where except for their own back yard!

    When I applied for a student loan, I got a letter saying "we think you have made a mistake calculating your income, the information you provided us indicates that your income is well below poverty status, please proved the following documents to verify your yearly income, blah, blah, blah". ...See people don't want to recognize that most of the poor people, the ones who live in poverty actually have jobs. I hate the way poor people are looked at by society like they are lazy and want to live where they live. I don't believe that people who have a lot of money are better than me, but they sure do! And they let me know it every chance I get!

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So my whole "eat myself into a stupor" thing didn't work out! Ha-Ha. I was full after some chicken and pasta. I didn't eat anything else. I think my stomach shrunk! And I ain't mad about it in the least bit! Ha-Ha! (And I only watched one movie, then I just slept the rest of the day!)

 

Speaking of over eating: I wonder if anyone is doing a study on the people who get weight loss surgery? I think if a study was done, they'd find that most of patients are now addicted to something else. I truly don't believe that a person can take in enough calories to weigh 400 pounds because, they like to eat or lack self control. I just think it has to be some form of addiction or coping mechanism. I think they should try therapy  or something to work out their problems, and if they want surgery they should get the band thing that can be removed. Permanent surgery freaks me out! Doctors aren't perfect and one mistake can kill you or ruin your life!

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World's Dumbest things:

 

A person who believes that abortion is murder, who murders a doctor that performs abortions

 

A couple who has kids together that says they aren't ready to be married because it's too big of a commitment

 

People whose religion is made fun of that riot, even though they make fun of other people's religions (I hate the way a few people can make an entire religion look like violent people, when they aren't!) ...I heard a guy on the news say "How would Christians feel if a cartoon making fun of Jesus was out there?" ...We'll here in America I have seen a cartoon, tv show, comedian making fun of every religion there is! Including Jesus, some have offended me but not to the point where I'm going to go out and riot. Some people were trying to have a peaceful protest and then a handful get out of hand and the entire protest is seen as violent!  ALL Muslims are NOT violent people! It's the same thing with Christians a few run off at the mouth about gay people and people of other religions and then ALL Christians are seen as ignorant, hateful people.

 

Christians, Jews and Muslims hating each other, thinking that the other's religion is wrong ...These three religions were all based on the same exact principles! It makes no sense! ...I mean they were based on the same exact scriptures, each religion added it's own flare but if you break it down, it's the same exact thing ...Love God, Love your family, Love your neighbors, Love your earth, and I won't allow your enemies to harm you.

 

There's a lot more as you know all ready, but this is dust.

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I think this whole politically correct thing has gone to far, no one has a sense of humor any more. You can't say anything without being attacked. If you don't live how people feel you should live they harass you. And if you voice a different opinion from those around you, you're "bitter and angry and the antichrist" ...Lighten up people, stop taking every thing so seriously, laugh at yourself once and a while.

...

This is why I shouldn't watch the news. I should just live in ignorance, because I get upset about this stuff. I just don't understand why people can't let others live the way they want to live, and believe what they want to believe. I'm not delusional, there will always be wars and people hating each other, I just wish people could be civil towards one another. I'd like to walk out of my house and not have my guard up. I'm always prepared in case someone attacks me. People always start with me, so of course I'm going to defend myself, but I don't just randomly get into arguments or fights with people because they aren't exactly like me and don't believe what I believe ... We don't have much longer on this planet anyway, were depleting our resources and no one is going to listen to the activist because of the way they try and force their views on to people. You can't FORCE people to pay attention, you have to give them the info then let them come to their own conclusions. Ya'll better hope Atlantis is real and that someone finds it soon, and that it's still a livable place, because we are going to need some where to go! (I love that show!) Ha-Ha. I feel better, I just needed to vent about the news and the state of mankind. Oh and some people are confused! There is a difference between cynic and asshole. A BIG difference. Maybe cynical isn't the right word to describe myself, I simply have doubts about the sanity of humans, yeah, that a better way to say it. Ha-Ha!

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LIVE AND LET LIVE!

Favorite Line from this week's Atlantis (can't remember exactly):

 

McKay: ...Without that chair there just a bunch of thugs with axes and knives.

 

Beckett: Rodney, axes and knives can kill people!

....

I was disappointed on SG1, I thought they had killed off Sam but she turned out to be all right. Not that I want her killed of, I love her character, but SG1 has started to get a little repetitive with their shows, it would have been interesting. And I thought Claudia Black was going to become a permanent part of the show? Maybe it was just an internet rumor.

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So I'm having an anti-superbowl party for one! I'm just going to watch movies all day and eat myself into a stupor!

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J - clif bars are energy bars. They taste delicious. So the story on the package goes, the inventor of clif bars was on a 100 mile bike trip with his friend, he was hungry but couldn't eat any more of the energy bar he was eating because he hated the taste, so he invented clif bars...In my opinion the ones that taste the best are "Crunchy Peanut Butter, Chocolate Almond Fudge and Carrot Cake" in that order

 

Every time I see Bush I think about Elmer Fudd and Tweety ... "I twhought I taw wweawons of mwass detrwction" (I thought I saw weapons of mass destruction)! ...Do you know anyone who voted for him? Everyone I talk to voted for Kerry ...I'm Pro-life and I even voted for Kerry!

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Someone was baby-sitting today and I couldn't even look at the baby! I almost lost it! People have said things to me like "well you don't need a man to have a baby" ...call me old fashioned but I actually want my kids to have a father. And even if I am dating someone doesn't mean he's going to stick around. I just think things go in a certain order.

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Well, it's 4 am and I'm going to go and cook my superbowl food ...I want to get a head start on my eating! Ha-Ha!

 

 

I used to like Pink's music, but now she has slowly turned into Emeniem (sp?). You don't have to try and tear other people down to make yourself feel better or to build yourself up. It'd be different if she made general references but she's singled people out and that's just not wise of an entertainer! Some fans will pick a side, I know because of that whole Mariah, J.Lo incident, some fans take this stuff seriously! Ha-Ha! She won't be able to complain when someone else comes along and does the same thing to her!

 

(If you don't know about the whole Mariah, J.Lo thing, here's what happened:

 

While working on the Glitter sound track, Mariah Carey used a sample of an obscure song on the song 'Lover Boy' and she did another song on the sound track with Ja Rule and the were singing back and forth to each other. Suddenly Jennifer Lopez comes out with a song using the same obscure sample and Ja Rule is on it with her singing back and forth to each other. (The guy who owns the sampled song said no one had been interested in it before Mariah Carey.) So Mariah hears J. Lo's song and has to haul ass to try and find another song to sample for the 'lover boy' single, which was going to be released soon... I don't know who started it but suddenly Mariah Carey and J.Lo fans were in an all out war. It was HILARIOUS! I'd just sit there and watch people curse each other out. Oh, man! I was like..."these people are nuts"! ...I mean there was a serious battle going on...Same thing happened with Emenem (sp?) and Mariah ...some fans are, ummm, overly, ummm, loyal? That's not the word I'm looking for but you get the point. (cough* crazy *cough) Ha-Ha!

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As you know I took  most of the stuff that was on my wall down, but I'm such a geek that I started to miss my boys! I had to put Riddick and "Super" Ford, back up there. (I'll never know why I'm fascinated with their eyes!) I also have one photo that I "obtained" (cough*  *cough) of RSF, it's the one from his blog where he's holding a cup and he has this goofy expression on his face, it cracks me up every time I look at it! Anything to make myself smile, I guess.

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Even though I have food, I'm still not eating normal. I eat about one real meal a day and the rest of the day, I'm eating Clif Bars! I can't get enough of 'em! And they're filling! I can only eat a half of one at a time! Like to day I had (imitation) crab salad and a Peanut Butter Clif Bar!...So very good! ...maybe my body is craving the nutrients in the bars?

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I don't know what I was dreaming about last night, but I woke up sore, like I had done Tae Bo (sp?) or something.

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I heard about this website a long time ago on the news and I finally checked it out! Oh, man, it's hilarious! It's called "sorry everybody" and it has photos of people holing signs apologizing to the world for Bush's reelection. I was only intending to glance at a few photos but I got to number 480! my favorites were:

 

"Sorry about Bush ... and Paris Hilton"

 

"The sane half of America is just as confused as you are"

 

Guy who's holding his head in his hands "WTF?"

 

"Only half of Americans are idiots"

 

"Please don't bomb the rest of us"

 

"At least you don't have to live with him for 4 more years"

 

"We'll do better in 2008 ...if we don't get bombed and are still here."

 

(these aren't exact quotes, but you get the idea)

 

There were some that had me cracking up, funny stuff. Some people from around the world sent replies saying "We know you tried" and "Half of America is welcome here"..one reply was kind of creepy it said something like "Don't worry, the revolution is coming"... I think this is the web address "www.sorryeverybody.com" (not sure though). Oh man it's hilarious! ...Isn't it great that in America you can voice your opinion about the Government? In some other countries all of those people would have been executed! I guess you take the good with the bad!

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Entertainment First:

 

The first time I heard Snoop Dogg ... I had the tv on BET, was reading a magazine and when I heard "1,2,3 and to the 4..." I looked up and said "What in the world is that?" ... You gotta love his voice!

 

The First time I saw Rainbow Sun Francks on Atlantis ...I said " Who is THAT? Oh my damn, he's FINE!

 

So I consider this my first concert because I actually paid money to see her (and you know how tight my funds are! I took money that I had saved for college! Hey! It was MY money, Ha-Ha!) ... Mariah Carey's    Charmbracelet Tour, I have never had so much fun in my life, the show was amazing and the energy of the crowd was unbelievable...So much fun!

 

First time I heard of Vin Diesel ...I said "Vin What? Who? (looked closer) and said "Not impressed." ...This was BEFORE I saw PB, now you know how I am!

 

My first performance (that wasn't at home!) was, I can't remember what it was for, some Patriotic type deal, sung the Banner, the Beautiful etc...I got the bug!

 

First song I wrote ... I was four and it sucked!

 

First Play ...can't remember! oops! I had to be 6 or 7 years old (that I saw, not was in)

 

First movie that made me cry ... Don't laugh!  "The little Princess" ...Okay, go ahead. Ha-Ha!

 

First time I argued to the point of screaming with someone about an entertainer, I guess I was 12 or 13 years old and it almost came to the point of blows! Ha-Ha! And nope, I'm not going to tell you who it was about! Ha-Ha (has to be the stupidest argument I ever had!)

 

First show I "produced, wrote and starred" in I was about 6 and I was even the set/costume designer, I made tickets and everything...I charged 25 cents per person! ...So much fun! Had no Idea at the time that I'd end up wanting to do that for a career! (Hopefully I'll get paid more than 25 cents!)

 

First Album (cassette tape) that I owned ... Hi Five! (So I didn't actually buy it, someone gave it to me, but still it was the first )... And yes, I thought they were singing to me. Ha-Ha!

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Life's First (of course I ain't telling ALL!):

 

First Crush --- I was 9!

 

First Love --- yeah, I'd like to know this also... Cupid is an ass hole!

 

First Job ---Mc Donald's

 

First Vacation --- Disney World (and last! I don't get out much!)

 

First Major --- Vocal Performance (yeah, there's been more than 1!)

 

First time I walked away from 'entertainment'--- age 16, but it stalked me, kidnapped and put me until the trunk of it's car, until I promised to return to it. Ha-Ha!

 

First Car --- don't know yet

 

First words --- bye bye (Ironic huh? I guess I'll always say good-bye to people!)

 

First time I Celebrated Christmas, My Birthday ...I guess I was 13 or 14 (couldn't have been too impressive since I don't remember) 

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SAY IT ISN'T SO! I hope he was kidding. Wentworth Miller said that they won't be breaking out this season! It's hard for a show to get me to watch the entire first season, second season is nearly impossible, I may have to break up with 'Prison Break' if they're gonna just drag shit out! Ha-Ha!

...

I'm having 'Runner' withdrawals! I can't wait for season two to come out so I can keep rewinding Ford pushing McKay into that tree, Hilarious! Well, I don't know what's going to happen the rest of the season but so far, none of the new episodes have pushed 'Runner' from the top spot.

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Gotta go!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My subconscious is teasing me! I keep having dreams that I have a family. I wake up feeling like death warmed over every time... Last night I dreamed, I had a 8 year old and I had twins, I guess they were about 18 months and they were so cute! And that same guy that I dream about was there too ... Then I woke up in this hell hole, alone. Ha-Ha!

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I've been feeling about 10% better the past two days. Shocking I know!

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Recent Movies:

 

Saving Face -- This movie was hilarious, very fun!

 

Baptists At Our Barbecue -- some spots were funny, it was entertaining but I doubt I ever watch it again

 

Flight Plan -- 98 minutes out of my life that I'll never get back

 

Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance -- Ummm, I'm not sure about this movie. I mean I had fun watching it, but I wasn't on the edge of my seat or anything. I have to watch it again to know what I really think... I can say that the title is very appropriate for the film!

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So I've learned from past experience not to get too excited about any Vin Diesel project because the chances of me getting to see it are questionable, all that being said...Very interested in seeing Hannibal, would love to see him work that whole eye patch deal... You know me and men with eye issues! Ha-Ha!

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I'm really glad that I don't buy into the things people say to me... If I did, I'd be walking around thinking I look like "the black version of Angelina Jolie" ...If you knew what I look like you'd collapse on the floor right now, in pain from laughing so hard...I hate when men say shit like that to try and get you... yeah, I pretty much don't want some guy who is either a liar or delusional! Ha-Ha! ... This is how those nuts end up on American Idol, they believe the bullshit that people say to them!

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I'm almost scared to finish my book, what if no one picks it up? This is probably why I'm not writing a lot. I know exactly where the story is going, have lots of ideas, but I'm just not sitting down and writing...

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Well, that's it for now!