Gremlins Run Through My Mind Picking Me Apart
Mood: calm but hyped, paranoid, wistful
Listening to: My Chemical Romance - Hang Em High
hey all
well from the title you would expect me to be down but i'm not. well i was but well meh i don't wanna talk about that bit inbetween.
hmmmm well yea i dunno really lol just trying to sort out through my head when i'm gonna do some revision.
i cant seem to, i want to do something but i cant because my comp is a load of shit so its annoying me. I don't know. maybe because i think that this is like my answer. Even though it started off as just an idea.
some ideas stick though, some stick hard and fast.
sometimes you think the idea is "the answer" you know the one to well your problems. I know some people who think having a boyfriend is "the answer" maybe it's different depending on how deep the problems lie and whether they could be that easily fixed.
My "answer" is really quite meaningless, it's just strangely obvious really and there are other ways but i think the one in mind is best.
so anyway yea my fab day! meh well english boring, ict boring, maths meh mildly interesting, science boring, psychology amusing nothing else. Once agains forced to go to out with my mum (only to the bank but thats far more than i can usally bear!) so yea gee what fun! i got to listen to her go on about revision (o yes my life just REVOLVES around that!) and the "usual". This includes the fact i am useless, the fact i am stupid, the fact i should try harder, the act i have an 'attitude problem' the fact that basically my character sucks and everything i do is wrong. O and also everything i say proves my 'attitude problem'. Get shouted at when i laugh or smile, get yelled aat when i'm not a great nood and i'm quiet.
o well maybe one day i'll something right but until then i'm just gonna ignor her sadistic comments and get on with my stuff.
o god meh stupid GCSEs, god shit i have a ever-increasing paranoia that everyone else has been revising since like Febuary and will all sail through exams. Me i will end up getting so fucked up about them i'll screw them all up. shit really i need four Bs. I can get two Cs alrightish with little revision. But i have another three subjects i need to get C/Ds in which may be harder. so ideally in a perfect worls i would get:
Maths = B
Science = B
English = C
Psychology = B
Child Development = C/D
French = B
German = C/D
ICT = C
RE = C/D
if i got those grades i would happy and content. my parents probs would yell a bit. They don't seem to relise i'm not a A* student, i am in fact rather on the thick end of the intellegence scale.
the ones i want Bs for i just need to fuckin revise hard. the ones i want C/Ds for i just need to start looking at what the hell i was meant to be learning.
I'll sort it all out in the end. I'll get them over with, i'll get kenya over with then i will have a great summer complete with seeing my friends and boyfriend all the time and getting a lip piercing : D
Thats my plan. hopefully it wont fuck up. Now i just have to go downstairs and have a cup of tea.
Also if you take a few too many pills that are herbel and meant o relax you it doesn't harm you right? nah didn't think so. i'm not gonna OD on anything! just took like double or triple the daily amount suggested but they are natural so i am fine : )
right may blog later
Mizz_Fairy
xxxx
