A Weblog of One Weridly Qwerd Fairy

Mood: paranoid, amused, cynical, disgusted, betrayed
Listening to: Linkin Park - Breaking The Habbit

hey all

hmmm well there isn't a lot i can say really is there?

LOL  i'm ok, everything is amusing me terribly. Just my paranoia either making me correct and perspective or screwing with me.

meh dunno what to say

just people really amaze me sometimes. I know i shouldnt. It just sucks that people you think you can trust and rely pn actually just stab you in the back. CHRIST why the fuck am i surprised?!?!?! it shouldn't shock or surprise me. And i'm not upset coz i half expected it. I'm just... dissappointed like i gave away my faith foolishly

Things are gonna get very interesting very soon. depending on that will alter probabbly my feelings towards people. and my trust with them

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: Very Much alone on this spit of land we call earth in the vast universe
Listening to: Evanescence - Hello

well the title pretty much says it all.

I don't know how i got to this point. I don't even know what point i'm at. Just..... so alone.

So far from anyone. Like theres noone here to help me or hug me or tell me it's goning to be alright.

I can't even pin-point whats wrong. Just everything seems to slip. Like the life I love to lead is a butterfly, i love it and its so nice annd beautiful. But its so hard to keep hold of and so hard to keep at all.

Its like watching a taspestry being slowly unraveling and tryin to pull it all together using string. Like trying to keep everything together with pure hope.

I don't know why i bother half the time. For my own sake? Why? I don't want this, i know what comes at the end. I don't know what i want. It's changed. It used to be the whole future thing. A job with good pay, a family of my own a house you know the usual stuff. Now.... i want peace of mind. I want something to settle. I want contentment in my soul. I want to stop worrying about my past, i want to stop being afraid.

i don't know what to think. I don't know what todo. Keep down and just go with the flow until i work out everything in my head.

How much or our lives do we really live at the bidding of others?

How much effect do we really have over our own lives?

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: Thinking, Paranoid, Annoyed, Not Too Happy, Lonely and Fed Up
Listening to: sum41 - angles with dirty faces

Gee great mood eh?

christ i really just wonder sometimes why i bother to trust anyone. Why do i bother letting people pretend that they care?

It's pretty stupid and niave of me really to think that the people who i care about care about me back. I don't know about any of it, i'm a bit to tired of it to tihnk about it. I dunno what to do or say anymore. Can't do one thing coz it annoyes people but another thing annoyes me.

 

Screwy world.

What all this really worth? I mean all the exams we study for? All the things we do that mean nothing. why bother?

 

sometimes coping just seems like the hardest thing in the world doens't it?

Just keeping your head above water, keeping up with the image you create so noone can tell. Just keeping it all in, not letting it show hurts doesn't it?

Fear

 

Mizz_Fairy

XXXX

 

Mood: content in a werid sort of way, just accepting that things will be
Listening to: Hero - Chad Kroeger

Hey all

i've done 1 hours of RE revision now im taking my break. God i hate revision, i actually don't know how to revise. i've spent my whole life either fluking my way through exams or revising the wrong way.

So i'm now attempting a different proceedure, how successful this will be we shall see by my GCSE results : S o dear god!!!!

O yesterday sure was a swell day! (that was sarcasm by the way) i woke up at 7am, left my house at 8am and met my friend at 9am we wondered around for a bit chatting, cold him generally complaining about being up so early. We hadn't really seen each other for a while so that was nice.

Got home walking through rain, had to do stupid fucking paper round (need to raise £400 so can't give it up till then. i have a saturday job as well) in rain again. Then went to chiropractics. Yay i got to spend 15mins in the car with my mum. I took my mp3 and a book to try to block her out and ignor her insults and basic bullying. Didn't work.

She asked what i wanted to be when i left school i (grumpily) told her. She then laughed at it and told me to "get real" so gee thanks for the support! I then said "fine i'll work in a shop until i die" she then said "fine but i think you'll get bored" Ok so at this point i got annoyed i mean i told her what i wanted to do and she said i couldn't, so i told her what i think she thinks i'm capable of and still she wont leave it. So i said "Fine! I'll commit suicicde" that then procedded in her shouting at me even more.

Then surprise surprise by the time we had reached the chiropractics (this is a 15min journey in the car) she had made me cry and made me dislike her even more. She's so damn manipulative, she really is clever. She knows EXACTLY how to get to me, most people can't get to me either because i don't let them or because they don't know how. But my mum! another story completly. She knows exactly how to get me mad then when i do she gets worse until its just easier to let her break me down and easier to turn away and cry in peace and let her words engulf me.

It sucks. Shes meant to make me a better and happy and well-adjusted person. She doesn't give me any space. She'll give me space and freedom then i think its safe so i talk to her, not about personal stuff but enough for her to gain my trust somehow. Then she attazcks. Ruthless, merciless and cold.

It's mainly my future, my school, and my character she attacks. Then a few personal favourites of hers are my job, my tidiness and again my personality.

 

Then what annoyes me is when people hea me having a go about my mum and bad-mouthing her and tell me it's very nice "shes your mum. "she brought you into this world" etc. I've had 16years of being told i'm not good enough. Yea she's my mum thats why her comments hurt me. And yea she brought me into this world but hey i never asked!

People who critize me for the way i feel about my mum (loathing, hatred and mistrust) usually are the ones who know nothing about the sort of relationship we have. And their mums are usually these really nice people.

 

*big deep breath* Well aside from the whole "mum" issue which shall always be there everything else is ok. Got to get revision sorted christ its annoying / worrying me so much grrrrrr ok ok calm.

I have cleared up a lot of stuff in my head and heart. I kinda feel like I'm looking at everything in a much clearer way. I know know how i feel about a lot of stuff and a lot of people.

It's all better really. I really think everything will be alright.

In the end, it's gonna pull together.

And I will keep my promise to Chloe.

It's all gonna turn out good in the end : )

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx     

Mood: Analytic
Listening to: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris and Jesus Of Surbia - Green Day

Hey

yea ok so i last wrote, o christ i don't know, it's not as if you particulary care do you? i mean a load of random strangers don't really care about when we played mini golf and this and that etc etc.

It's all just water really.

I relised that walking home from the beach, that everything is water. It runs through our fingers fast no matter how much you try to hold on. Or maybe thats just me, maybe its just me. Maybe I'm just incapable of keeping good things in my life.

Or maybe I'm just scared.

Maybe I'm too scared letting good things stay. Too scared that they will just keep my hopes up worse to let me down worse. Maybve I'm just cynical through and through and don't believe things could stay good in my life.

 Great! Maths revision tomorrow! great fucking fun!

joy to the frigging world

i need CHOCOLATE or anything sweet to take my mind off it all.

Screw it

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: meh
Listening to: Midnight Show - The Killers

Hey all

so i do believe maybe a wee update on meh.... life stuff.

Ok, well Dixon, Mike and Alex are off to French Alps skiing.  Yesterday we spent day in bounremouth, a new child joined our small "ranks" name is Nick.

We pretty much spent day at the gardens, had lunch in bella italia. Ahh played Grenades in gardens lol fun. meh don't really know what to say.

Had work today meh good day.

errr i dunno really. I'm just a bit tired and just had a strange conva with a friend so a bit confused i don't know why they just seem a bit not happy with me. But i've done nothing wrong

hmmmmm

i don't know

WOOOOOHHHHHH this is a short entry!!!!!!

 

Da Lil Fairy

xxxx

Mood: Good :D:D:D:D:D
Listening to: Thank You For The Venom - My Chemical Romance

Hey all

For once (o dear lord it must be a werid miricle!!!) i am actually good, alright, so-so, fine, good and dandy lol call it what you want but thats how i am.

I saw Char W on the way home bless her she was such a swetie (I'm decidin if she was also a complete lier too lol). See there we are a perfect example that there some people in this god-forsaken world that are just nice through and through. I don't see her in months and when i do, she listens jokes shes a good friend to me, better than some people i see a lot of. She listens, do you know how rare it is to find someone who will listen to you when you speak? Someone who listens to you and doesn't judge you? Someone who listens to you when you need them to, not just when they feel like it? Someone who knows when somethings wrong by just the way you look, not by tears?  

So rare to find people like that, i guess i should consider myself highly lucky that i have about 4-5 people like that. People i can tell anything to and i know they wont judge me and will support me even if i make the wrong choice.

i feel sorry for people who don't have anyone they can trust, It's a give-take thing, You give your faith and risk them betraying you and saying not what you want to hear and you get trust and loyalty.

Well away from this subject coz i could go on forever about it. So I've done all my RE cw. THANK THE TWISTED LORD ABOVE IF THERE IS ONE!!!!!!

lol still have ICT but not much to do. Just some bits of hw now and some  revision to start.

 

Meh well i better get all the stupid maths done and out the way.

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: alone
Listening to: Down - Blink 182

Back

WHOOP-DE-FUCKING-DOO

meh i just i don't know, there's no way to pin-point it. No words i can say to make anyone understand what I'm trying to say.

Even if i do just say it the best way i can it'll just sound like I'm insane and a bit pathetic. It's not worth me trying to say it to anyone.

The very few people who would give a dam I've already expressed it as best as i could do and i found they felt the same way. Noone else actually would give a shit even if i told them how i felt so it's not worth the bother in me even considering asking for help.

O fuck it

it's just not within my human abilities to live life as the human i am. I don't know how everyone else seems to do it without showing much signs of stress or sheer desperation. One question thats constinly plaguing me is this "Is everyone else like this?"

*sigh* i don't know if i have enough energy to try any more. I odn't know if i can be capable of anything more than just throwing everything into my work and forgetting about everything and everyone. Like putting my mind in a hibernation for two months, just switch it off.

I don't know what the fuck i'm going on about. There's just so much i want to write down but I'm restricted because of course i'm not annoymonous so i can't delve too deep into the oblivion.

I guess i should leave it at least an hour before i write more again.

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx       

Mood: stressed, lost, alone, cold, slipping
Listening to: Extrodinary Girl - Green Day

Hey all

well isn't life fun?! isn't it all just an absolute blast?!

God I seriously have a VERY small list in my head of things in my life that don't suck. The things that don't suck:

* best mates and people who aren't best mates but they treat me well and  actually seem to care and give a shit

* FREE texts (i was desperate for non-sucking things!)

* i know it sounds like incredibly gross, sad and disgusting but mike actually

* music

*the list sorta stops here

yea thats about it really.... *thinks* nope can't think of anything else. I'm not including all my friends just the ones who actually seem to listen and care for me, not just when their lives are great but all the time despite their own situations.

Meh I'm kinda screwed as i have three piecces of coursework in for tomorrow, homework more than likely, haven't started revision and i have just about a hundred other little things to do like talk to certain people about stuff, get some things done just a load of little things i don't seem to beable to have to do.

 

Write more when I've had a lot more cafine and got this nervous breakdown out of my system

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

 

Mood: meh stressed but not badly stressed
Listening to: She Fucking Hates Me -Puddle OF Mudd

hey all

well i am actually very very well. schools stressful and worrying me with it's ever looming exams :S:S:S but otherwise most other areas of my life are good. Lets take a looksie:

Love = yea good

School = *has breakdown and runs off* arrgghhhhh!!!

Friends = one section is good and the other is meh but i'm caring less and less about the "mehe" section. Sometimes you got to know when to stop and let go.

Home = LMAO hmmmm will that ever be good?.... nope pretty much

Work = so far so good, (i know its only been one day but i don't need to be jinxed!!!!)

meh there are a few other small areas, but meh they i just cannot be bothered with.

Today i thought A LOT about how i could possibly get out off the stupid stupid kenya trip. I don't want to go i'm gonna miss my mates, my music, my phone, my comp and the parties etc. But on the other hand i guess i'll appricate them a lot more when i get back (although i already do appricate them tons for being who they are), i'll get quite fit anf tanned, it's all gonna help those less fortunate and lol a personal resaon is that because i wont beable to use my straighteners a lot my split ends will get better lol.

o god it's all so unfair (lol but it really is) there are so many moments i think "dam! if onlyi  had a time machien so i could go back and kick myself when i thought that would be a good idea" meh

so i have to raise £400 for kenya, i have to revise for my GCSEs, see the only people who give my life meaning my mates and just arrrggghhh deal with every other little thing that'll come my way.

And they say the teenage years are the best of your life! phuh! grrrrrr and aarrrggghhh!!!!

O well weekend was interesting... Friday utter SHIT!!!! Saturday had a good day at work, went o the movies was good and sunday was really nice went had alil picnic in the gardens in the sun ahha so nice just to chill with decent weather food and friends.

Well i'm off now coz i'm cold and want a jumper type thing

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx     

Mood: Non-Caring
Listening to: My Immortal- Evanescene

Hey all

so lets start at the very begining (after all its a very good place to start)

So we went bowling, originally then to Jemmas. Sounds nice and fun and a happy little gathering? Well it wasn't. it was to decribe as best i can UTTER SHITE.

So i guess i could give you alist of who was therre but i can't be bothered lets just put it in simple terms and say that some people are well, how do i  put this rather on the attention-seeking side of things.

just relised that now i know these people have bitched about all the people i care about in my life.

i don't care anymore. ive got 2months to my exams, then i'm going to be in six form, i'm sick of people having some sort of problem with me or something against me. i no longer care.

o well thats life i suppose, im going to the movies tonight with a few people that should be ok.

i've got to get my perspectives striaght now

ive also GOT to stop smoking, its upsettting my best mates. i hate seeing them sad so i have to stop this. its justs o hard. if anyones has given up smoking please tell me some tips please.

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: good good godd (wow thats a lot of good)
Listening to: My Chemical Romance (Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge) Whole Album

yay!!!

got good grades in english and i get an mp3 player nice!!!!

 

hehehe *giggle* yay!!, hmm this information can be used to my advantage..... do REALLY absolutly spiffing well in GCSEs (god knows why i said spiffing but i did lol!) and keep hinting like a mad person for a good mobile, not my stupid brick (i did write on it in black marker "BRICK")

im actually looking forward tomorrow, i get to see my mates and im looking forward to seeing mike as well.

off now see if ders anything good on tv

 

Yay

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: Good (wow a phrase rarely used here!!)
Listening to: Maroon5-This Love why i don't know

Hey ..... meh lol

 

so todays big ole moan-type thing is basically about how much everything has changed since year 8. i mean wooooh!!!!!!!!! you know four years, four years of my high school.

ok so lets do a bit of comparing, four years ago...... well i was a hell of a lot shorted thats for sure lol! but on a serious level (OMG can't believe i have just that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) i have changed so much, for the better. true i'm cynical, pesimistic and maybe i do havew intimacy problems but better be that than a push-over who lets her friends treat her like shit right? better be a cynic than someone who doesn't believe in herself at all, who doesn't believe in her own survival or life?

yea its been hell at school, i've learnt a lot about myself and i've changed. I'm comfortable with the person i am. Sure life is no bed of roses but it never will  be (dam my cynicism!!) it's always gonna be a bit bumpy and screwed but i'm happier than i used to be.

 

i think this might be one of the first cheerful enteries i've written lol.

extremly bored last night and tried to write a vaugly cheerful poem, it SUCKED!!!!! like really proper full-on SUCKED, it ended up being about my SOCKS!!!!! that is how cynical and pesimistic i found out i was. i knew i was slightly as mike keeps telling me (so charming lol) so there we are, most cheerful subject i could write about my sock!

i'll write more later right now meh stuff

 

Mizz_Fairy

XXXX

 

Mood: stressed
Listening to: Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

Hey All

just whilst writing those two words i relise that i ALWAYS pretty much start off with "hey all" and i also write "reflective" a LOT. maybe i'm a very relfective person, who knows! certainly not me thats for sure!!

 

well last night i had a big conversation with my amazing friend Soapy!!!! she just about plain ROCKS! i love her!!! she has taught me to see the error of my perspective on a few things that had been viewed without reality for a while. Now i've had my reality injection and listening to Jimmy Eat World - The Middle i can see clearly.

That's the funny thing about life, we have to learn to let go and let in things that we never thought we'd let go and let in. it teaches us to understand ourselves better, and it taught me about despite my realistic (some say cynical) atittude i still view some things in much more of a fantasy way.

 

so we had our six form taster day today. i'm gonna drop photography and take (maybe stupidly) maths. I really have to start putting my all into my work. my predicted grades aren't bad but they are certainly not good. all are average i guess but there's a few subjects i was hoping to gettin over average for. maybe i'm being far too optimistic (never thought i'd say that about myself!)

well gonna put in the work then whatever i get i know i worked hard for. of course my marks wont be great, i wont be the best out of my friends, but hopefully i wont be the worst either. just the middle, thats me. plain ole middle, the middle almost invisble, thats me.

meh anyway

i have two pieces of RE coursework to hand in tomorrow (i'll try the sweet and innocent approach see if i can get an extension) two pieces of ICT to hand in like tuesday (no getting out of that SCREWED!!) child development homework (i can do it!) SHIT!!!! FUCK i have german homework as well!!!! FUCK IT ALL!!!!!!

arrrgggghhhhhhh

stress stress stress!!! maybe another cup of coffee. (that would be my third in 40mins) i wont smoke, i shall not smoke. despite the levels of stress i wont give in to the cigerettes, or the drinking and now i'm giving up pot (all for my friends!!! geez you guys better appricate the sacrifies i make. i don't care if my life expectency is shortened screw it)

 

ok work time

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: meh you'll see as you read
Listening to: The Leaving Song - AFI

hey all.

again

well maijn reasoning i'm doing a second entery for the day is because on the way back in the car with my mum i found out something i'd never known in the course of my life.

when i  was about 8years old my godfather died. he was best friends with my mum. And his wife is my godmother, and their two boys were the same age as me. all my life i'd thought he had died due to cancer.

tonight i found out the truth. he was an alcoholic, he hung himself in the garage.

not only that but the youngest boy Jonathon who is 1year younger than me (so at the time he was 7years old) found him. he and his brother Thomas (1 year older than me) were home alone with their dad while their mum went to a neigbours house. And then their dad hung himself.

my mum told me and i didn't know what to say (other than a very unippropirate "CHRIST!") i had no words. thing was it was like i could feel his desperation. i could feel this mans pain and desperation. a man who has been dead for 8years.

is this because i know where he's coming from?is this because i know what it takes to drive someone to that point? is this because i know what goes through a persons head when they begin to contemplate it?

life does some crazy shit to us.

it twirls us around and breaks us, it can tear you down and build you up.

it hurts while time heals.

suicide.

the word, just i don't know. makes me defensive and want to run away. the whole subject i despise talking about really, i guess because of fear. Fear, thats why it scares the crap outta me.

i guess its just i dunno. i swear i'm some sorta mental case.  this is probabbly gonna sound like the strangest thing to everyone else but i'm too dam reflective and down to care.

but does anyone else ever look up at the stars and let everything just roam out into the great abysse. Like all their thoughts and worries?

meh i thought maybe not.

i think i'm just mental.

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: Vaugly Reflective, Meh-ish Really, And A Bit "Screw-It-All"
Listening to: Welcome To The Jungle - Guns n Roses

Hey All

 

so then, well. i was gonna write in here last night but i was kindas upset so i thought maybe unless i wanted to ramble on with depressing crap i shouldn't.

meh

so my weekend..... my fabbo weekend!

well lets start on friday night. went to chris dixons house with ross, mike, dan, lewis and jason. we waxed (yes waxed!!) jasons back. it fucked up (poor him!!) so he then proceeded to spend the next four hours in the bathroom shaving and bathing (im assuming!). meh other stuff happened. meh just play stationing etc etc.

saturday, ahha my day of fun fun fun began at 3am. i awoke, and threw up three times de-light-ful!!!

then i proceeded to sleep, ahha sleep what a wonderus thing it is.

meh then after large quantities of sleeping i went to alex's house. hmmmm yes..... i don't know enough about that night to tell anything. every so slightly drunk lol.

ANYWAYZ!!! sunday, ahha sunday. the relaxation of my fucked up week ahha sunday, sweet sweet sunday!

meh was the usal of bournemouth (of the variation of our lives!) went there, had a laugh with bouncy balls. meh we beat up dixon (well deserved evil evil boy!)

meh meh meh

and so ended the weekend, well ok so it didn't end there but then it then got bad, i'm not gonna go into it because i'm stil making snese of it all in my head but basically meh i guess just some stuff i should have sorted out a long time ago got.... sorted out. and like any on-going issue it was hard to deal with but i'm glad its over.

 

Anywayz! yea so today monday. Oh what a fan-bloody-tastic day i had!

absolute joy. meh. i hate all meh but i don't pheh!

i dunno.

just meh evrything ya know?

meh screw it all i'm gonna listen to good music and pretend everything outside my house (with the exception of my wonderful people i love) doesn't exist. somuch nicer that way

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

 

 

Mood: Thoughtful, Peaceful
Listening to: lots of different songs. Anything metal-ish upbeat with depressing lyrics

Hey All

im ok, strangly at peace despite the fact i did something very stupid.

i sent a text to someone by accident. Thing was the text was about them. wasn't about them in a bad way but i have a feeling their opinion of me may be changed ever so slightly. im not sure if changed for better or worse.

Well i'm pretty much taking the whole "its-happened-now-'ll-just-have-to-deal-with-it-as-best-i-can" approach.

 

As to my title, well i was doing stupid paper round (it kinda makes me pensive, i guess its the mindless activity outside). I got thinking. I mean a while ago after a lot of stupid stuff i sorta rebuilt myself. I made a new me. Its kinda like i buriied the old me somewere deep inside my soul so it wouldn't get hurt. it was so battered and bruised. the thing is it seems like with it i burried a lot of memories. i feel like there's a section of my life i have recollection of. like i was in a coma. I remember some stuff, i remember emotions and feelings and people but no dates or stuff like that. i was wondering, so it is possible to burry things deep within you. But is it possible to find them again. I burried the old me soemwere i can't seem to get to unless i go back to the way i was. the things i used to do. i just wana remember stuff better and understand myself a little better

 

meh christ i sound like some werid mental patient.

 

maybe im just not normal lol ( ahha something i've suspected for a while lol)

meh who knows

im very groovay and at peace. (i haven't drunk anything or smoked anything) 

LMAO i write poetry (shit poetry but still i write the stuff)

basically all my poems are about real life experiences and how i felt. I let my mate Dan read like three. One about the stupid stuff i used to do his response "Thats Sick!" thanks dan cheers mate!

other one about a relationship were it ends (very unimagintivly) "You Fucking Lier!" at this he laughed and failed to pick up on the actual content of the poem just the swearing.

Third poem, about me and my mum (very tense relationship, basic story i hate her) and he laughed at this in the begining then i think he just kinda stopped laughing and read it seriously and then gave it bakc. A little more scared and a little more understanding of me.

 

Meh well i've written the usal ton for today lol

probs wont write much tomorrow as i have to get home, get changed. Then walk back into town, get the bus into Merley walk to Mikes house. THEN get a lift to Verwood. Sleep there then next morning get into bournemouth by probabbly 9:30 so i can start my new job!

this is gonna be expensive and vaugly annoying and will require a fair amount of well timed lieing. o well i'm a fair ole expert at lieing to my parents

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxxx 

 

 

Mood: Fucked
Listening to: Nowt

Hey All

 

Well I can't say much but i have a plan. An evil plan to be sure but a dam good plan all the same.

i can't go into details but basically it makes me glad i have certain resources backing me up so to speak lol.

 

i actually feel kinda ill at the moment meeeeehhhh

I am slowly watching parts of my life slowly pull away from me and slip into the oblivion.

meh.

i have stupid stupid paper round tomorrow meh i hate it so much

 

Why do things screw up so much?!?!?!?!?!

It's so dam unfair

i hate it all

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: Anger/Sad/Calm
Listening to: Thank You For The Venom - My Chemical Romance (i get like really keen on a song for a bit sometimes)

Hey All

 

Didn't get a chance to write about yesterday when it was... well yesterday.

Basically, my day was meh. I guess more on the crap side than anything else. Then when it got to last lesson for some unknown reason it picked up. I guess coz yesterday maths lesson (my last lesson) was just very funny lol.

Went round town with Mike, Jason, Dixion and Ross. which was good coz well they are nice lovely people. Except Dixion who is mean mean mean (lol just joking)

Saw my equally lovely and fab mate like avout three times in town then I had also seen him inbetween lessons and at the end of the day. Which was nice as I don't useually see him. He walked home with me and Mike. Bless him going like right out of his way!

Meh, a few other things happened basically relating to my previous entry. I wont go into the story but lets just say there's some deep-set anger boiling up in me. Anger and extreme sadness and also most importantly fear.

Depending the state of things in ohh i dunno about one week then my sadness and fear will have gone and my anger lessened. But if thy take another direction it will all increase especially the saddness.

But I'm gonna fight against it as best as i can. In this situation there are obvious reasons why i can't fight to best of my ability. It's gonna be dam tricky but I have some amazing friends who are gonna help me. Gotta love em to bits.

In a way I already know the outcome, and in a way I know in the end, the very end I'll be ok. It's just getting to the end (and who knows how far away it is?!)

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx 

Mood: Appricative but not happy more a calm
Listening to: Punk and Disorderly

Just quickly, now i know i LOVE my mates to pieces but i just have to give a quick mention to how truely wonderful Chloe and Cornflake are (just stuff they helped me with last night)

 

They both absolutly ROCK and i love em to bits, the best mates anyone could ever ask for.

 

Thank You For Putting Up With My Stupid Ramblings, Which In The Light Of Day See Were Over-Reactive Of Me.!!!

 

I feel mean that i have said bout their greatness and not anyone elses greatness.....

I shall write about your guys greatness after school

Au Reviour M'dears

Mizz_Fairy

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