A Weblog of One Weridly Qwerd Fairy

Mood: Well as you read it becomes BLATENLY obvious
Listening to: there's music but it's not registering in my head

Hi.

Meh well i guess from the title you can tell i'm not in a great mood.

 

In fact it may be a slight understatement to say I'm pretty dam down.

Ok gloves off time I think.

Basically (and I'm probabbly a complete utter fool for fucking posting this on the web but a) you guys don't know me and b) if you do know me than maybe a few home truths wouldn't hurt) about well..... let see around the time of my 15th birthday so over 1 year ago i started to  get really down. Truth be told i had been since joining my secondary school (you know high or grammer equilvilent)

Anyway i got very low, i did some stupid stuff that i am not proud of, and i know it was all stupid stuff but i wasn't thinking straight, i wasn't clear at the time. My perspectives on myself and life etc were screwed up.

Well to cut a long story short i got over it, with a lot of hair a lot of self reflection and support from my close friends i got over it all.

Thing is its so hard  to get over something like that. especially if it goes on for a long time. It was worst when i was just turned 15, but i had being stupid stuff for a while before that. But well not as often and as bad.

 

Today was a fine day but i came home in the car with my bf on one side and my friend on the other. I was listening to music i like but stilli felt like i just wanted to burst into tears and curl up in a little ball away from all people. I oculdn't obviously (Also coz i HATE crying in front of people. After spending so long trying to make myself strong inside then to go and cry in front of people makes me feels vunerable. Like they could hurt me so easily) It was a fine day but i don't know. I just felt so low when i got home.

 

If you've ever been in that situation where you've gotten over something like that then you relise that it didn't go. In fact it's still there, deep inside. It's there. If you've ever been in that situation you can appricate how i'm kinda feeling at the moment.

Fear, worry and just general saddness. Thing is I sort hang around with a new group of friends at the moment. And if i go back into the person i was i don't want to burden them or my bf with the person i turn into.

I can't let myself go there again.

 

Christ fuck i'm sorry this may seem all a bit self pitying and morbid but I'm just screwed in the head and getting it all down on paper helps.

 

It'a got to be alright. I can't fall again. I've got 3months til my GCSE exams, I have great friends, I have a nice bf. I love my friends. I can't fall. i can't screw the few good things in my life up. I can't screw up again.

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx 

Mood: GREAT! really groovay dude
Listening to: well look at the title and have three guesses :P

HEY ALL!!!

listenin to Guns n Roses. LOVE 'em!!!!! really so great DESPITE whatever Zacharias may say about them :P

Anyways!! so yea all meeting up at Bounrmouth (Oh My God we NEVER do that!!! lol meh its like some werid tradition now)

meh singing along to Guns n Roses (i really really can  not sing, but o well) and of course on those amazing guitar solos the ole air guitar does tend to creep in!

i MUST remember to give my Blossum her dvd (Donnie Darko) and cds (Slipknot and Korn) back to day.

meh meh meh meh meh meh meh is all really i have to say.

 

god i need music! i do not have enough music, i think its one of my addictions (along with COFFEE saviour of my life)

 

well over and out for now people

 

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx

Mood: vaugly depressed and shit really
Listening to: Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American

Heyyyyy!!

haven't written in this for ages and ages!. meh well have been busy with school (sucks) and writing (no i'm not writing a book or anything) and seeing people etc etc usal stuff

 

well i'm stuck at home alone today, meh because my friends are too rich for me to join, or too busy seeing certain people  *extreme coughin attack*. so evil evil friends.

meh

meh

meh

sorry don't know what to type. my week i guess i could start with.

well super fucking stressed because of school work. so that pretty much had me tearing my hair out, especially since im so fucking sick of teachers and friends telling me about results and how important it is. and my mates goin about how worried they are when they are all really smart and therefore they must KNOW they'll get in. me the thick one just worrying silently.

my mum keeps ging on about one moment its "these are very important, if you don't pass these exams thats it you'll end up on benefits" etc etc then moment later when i start to getting stressed then she goes on "ohh don't worry it will be fine, don't be so stressed"

meh meh meh meh meh meh.

life is so so screwy at the moment. meh its all so fucked up, school is stressful, my mates sort of area is well meh really its ok i guess not great but bearable, love life is.... hmmm meh really well i guess we should leave that area alone, i was born at a certain time so my love life will NEVER be good, its a curse. i will always be fucked up in that section. And home life is same as always "meh" lol.

woh i think this is like the most i've written on this ever.

well i may add more later dependsing on how i feel etc.

 

Mizz _Fairy

xxxx 

 

 

Mood: Hung over
Listening to: Evanesence - Going Under

hey hey

well so meh last night went to party at Chris Dixion's house (bless hes so sweet, lol meh most people are sweet though....).

this is what i hate about getting drunk, i remember nothing, so then have to have people tell me what happened. meeh... (hence the paranoia,i get paranoid that i did or said something stupid)

ok so this is what i remember by myself, i remember everything up to the vodka shots. After that i remember drinking water, being in the greenhouse, sitting in the living room, sittin on a chair with David calling him Clarence, errrrrrr going upstairs and talking to my friend in the bathroom (and falling into the bath lol)

i've been told some other stuff, that "apparently"i was flirting badly with everyone, huh! lol (i do get quite flirty when i'm drunk, i shouldn't get so drunk)

i don't remember much else, oppsies! o well!! i didnt snog anyone except my bf so thats good! lol

tired, paranoid and in need of some sorta food

Laters people

Mizz_Fairy

xxxx