A Weblog of One Weridly Qwerd Fairy

Jun 12, 2005 at 21:08 o\clock

who gives a flying fuck. fucking scab should curl up in a ball and die. fuck her the fucking whore

Mood: well gee as cheerful as a fucking beaver. apparently im a miserable sod
Listening to: slipknot obviously!!

I push my fingers into my eyes
Its the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
But its made of all
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It works it's way inside
If the pain goes on...

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I’ve waited as my times elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate
I wished for this
I bitched at that
I’ve left behind this little fact
You cannot kill what you did not create
I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say and then I swear I'll go away
But I cant promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You are left with me cuz you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on
I'm not gonna make it!

Put me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces
Then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I’ve found out the hard way
Nothing is what it seems

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It works it's way inside
If the pain goes on
I’m not gonna make it!

Jun 4, 2005 at 09:49 o\clock

I Promise


We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there
Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse
And someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church
We're hanging out with corpses, we're driving in this hearse
Someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul

May 31, 2005 at 14:45 o\clock

My Bittersweet Migrane

Mood: detached, adrift, alone
Listening to: nothing

yea well yes ummm hey hi and all that shit.


i dunno why im writing on this really i've got other stuff to do and etc etc and that sorta shit but meh i just............ i dunno.


i should go anyway




May 24, 2005 at 13:49 o\clock

Fucking Nerves

im sitting here in the art block, so nervous about my exams.


first exam at 1:15pm. German listening. well meh it is only german i know i know but stupid mathers has put me in higher tier. sucks really does suck. so ive got to get a C to pass. my oral wasnt too great, my listening isnt too fab, so it means ive got to do good on reading and writing for meto get a C.

Re after german. 90mins for me to write about judaism. meh not too great but i figure if i just try to get into the flow of things and write as much hebrew as i can. ill be alright. im mainly saying that for my own benefit. just to reassure myself.


calm......... calm.......... ahhhha ok so im calming down a lot. lol god im such a srewed up mess.


meh well theres nothing else im willing to write on here.




May 14, 2005 at 20:38 o\clock

The Skies Darken, The Air Turns Cold, You Fade Into The Haze, And So The Terror Unfolds

Mood: indescriptive
Listening to: Chaptor 4 - Avenged Sevenfold

i know i havent blogged in a while i dunno what really started me to blog today i guess cos i have nothing better to do.


well at the moment theres a lot going on but its highly personal so i wont write bout it.

Jeez! i dunno what to say, at the moment my life is pretty much focused on certain points, brought to my attention yesterday and thursday. o well, ill live and even if i don't so what? its hardly as though my death would be a loss to all mankind now is it?


anyway yea so get to leave school soon. finally, it will al be over. i was buring some photos today and it hit me i'll be finally leaving the bad memories so much better. so many things will fade away. so many scars are healing and being acknowledged.


*yawn* i should phone alyse. meh will do it now.




May 4, 2005 at 20:55 o\clock


Mood: good
Listening to: swwet child of mine!

hey all

havent written in ages

i know ill write properly again real soon. sooo errrrrmmmm quickly i guess......


errrrrrr...... dont know what to say. im good, im happy, im relaxed. errrrrrr ok other blog now lol




Apr 29, 2005 at 21:15 o\clock

Back From The Undead

hey all


well yea i know i haven't written in here in a while but its hard to let your creative juices flow if you feel restricted.


so brief and very bsic update as my proper heart-felt entry will be for the other blog.


meh dunno what to say really.......


meh im just sorts shopping online and stealing loads of songs of kasper at the moment.




Apr 20, 2005 at 22:08 o\clock

Nothing tears the being more than deception,unmasked fear

Mood: tired.......*yawn*
Listening to: zilcho

hey all


*yawn* so very tired even though its not late and i've done barely anything all day. o yea!! those stupid pills to make you calm lol.


so then so then. i have details sorted for saturday, the camping "thing".

errrrrrrrrrr *yawn* arrrggghhhhh so much homework. even though not in for tomorow. am tempted to just fall asleep right here.


I don't have much to say really. Except something quite sweet and funny that i wont write but if you ask inperson if you know me then i may tell you, all depending. But all i'm saying is <3 :D awwwwwww :D <3


ANYWAYZ!!!! am meant to be doing hw. fuck it. i have other stuff to write actually shit must do that now!!!


blog tomorrow




Apr 19, 2005 at 20:52 o\clock

Gremlins Run Through My Mind Picking Me Apart

Mood: calm but hyped, paranoid, wistful
Listening to: My Chemical Romance - Hang Em High

hey all

well from the title you would expect me to be down but i'm not. well i was but well meh i don't wanna talk about that bit inbetween.

hmmmm well yea i dunno really lol just trying to sort out through my head when i'm gonna do some revision.

i cant seem to, i want to do something but i cant because my comp is a load of shit so its annoying me. I don't know. maybe because i think that this is like my answer. Even though it started off as just an idea.

some ideas stick though, some stick hard and fast.

sometimes you think the idea is "the answer" you know the one to well your problems. I know some people who think having a boyfriend is "the answer" maybe it's different depending on how deep the problems lie and whether they could be that easily fixed.

My "answer" is really quite meaningless, it's just strangely obvious really and there are other ways but i think the one in mind is best.

so anyway yea my fab day! meh well english boring, ict boring, maths meh mildly interesting, science boring, psychology amusing nothing else. Once agains forced to go to out with my mum (only to the bank but thats far more than i can usally bear!) so yea gee what fun! i got to listen to her go on about revision (o yes my life just REVOLVES around that!) and the "usual". This includes the fact i am useless, the fact i am stupid, the fact i should try harder, the act i have an 'attitude problem' the fact that basically my character sucks and everything i do is wrong. O and also everything i say proves my 'attitude problem'. Get shouted at when i laugh or smile, get yelled aat when i'm not a great nood and i'm quiet.


o well maybe one day i'll something right but until then i'm just gonna ignor her sadistic comments and get on with my stuff.


o god meh stupid GCSEs, god shit i have a ever-increasing paranoia that everyone else has been revising since like Febuary and will all sail through exams. Me i will end up getting so fucked up about them i'll screw them all up. shit really i need four Bs. I can get two Cs alrightish with little revision. But i have another three subjects i need to get C/Ds in which may be harder. so ideally in a perfect worls i would get:

Maths = B

Science = B

English = C

Psychology = B

Child Development = C/D

French = B

German = C/D


RE = C/D


if i got those grades i would happy and content. my parents probs would yell a bit. They don't seem to relise i'm not a A* student, i am in fact rather on the thick end of the intellegence scale.


the ones i want Bs for i just need to fuckin revise hard. the ones i want C/Ds for i just need to start looking at what the hell i was meant to be learning.


I'll sort it all out in the end. I'll get them over with, i'll get kenya over with then i will have a great summer complete with seeing my friends and boyfriend all the time and getting a lip piercing : D

Thats my plan. hopefully it wont fuck up. Now i just have to go downstairs and have a cup of tea.


Also if you take a few too many pills that are herbel and meant o relax you it doesn't harm you right? nah didn't think so. i'm not gonna OD on anything! just took like double or triple the daily amount suggested but they are natural so i am fine : )


right may blog later




Apr 17, 2005 at 21:41 o\clock

Kick Me In The Face, Kiss Me On The Lips, Changable Life

Mood: meh just more head sorting
Listening to: Metallica - Hero Of The Day

hey hey


not much of great interest to say. Forced to spend enitre day with parents in london with parents today with no credit and only my mp3 for company.

sucked really did, and of course i got yelled at, not sure why i think it might the way a breath. Wrong according to my mum, maybe she'd prefere it if instead of converting oxygen to carbon dixoide i just didn't!


o well last night met rob,mel,mike,alyse and dan mucked around the park pretty much mocking the little chavs "playing" football. O yea got hit on the head by football o well no point going on bout it.

And had a interesting convosation (alyse knows what i'm refering to) well it got all sorted out and some things that were said surprised me a hell of a lot. Not cos i didn't know what would be said, i knew basically what it was gonna be about but i didn't really understand why. And i still don't, it's been explained but i find the reasons well..... i guess a bit mind-baffeling.


mmm well i guess a lot of that is probs just because of my view on myself o well.


i've become kinda mad on these lyrics:

"late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel lift me up
and i open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white
they flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and i am gone

now i lay here owing my life to a stranger
and i realize that empty words are not enough
i'm left here with the question of just
what have i to show except the promises i never kept?
i lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets

i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound

look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares
it gets me down but i'm still gonna try to do what's right, i know that there's
a difference between sleight of hand, and giving everything you have
there's a line drawn in the sand, i'm working up the will to cross it and


rhetoric can't raise the dead
i'm sick of always talking when there's no change
rhetoric can't raise the dead
i'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow

late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel steal me from the
greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands
they've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance


can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound"


i just think they're really great