Mey's Journal

Jan 26, 2006 at 09:23 o\clock

another down...

by: mey2

Mood: whatever
Listening to: GMTV... and no... it's not for chavs!

Last night hubby came home and he was fine.  Then I mentioned that his mate had to go to Cardiff so his Friday night was cancelled.  He then asked if Sam was not going out on Saturday and I said no.  And I think he was annoyed with that cause he knew she would keep an eye on me...honestly..I feel like a child being watched by the grown ups!!
So once again he went all weird on me, put his sad saggy face on and looked miserable... I just ignored him.  I went upstairs to change the sheets on Tom's bed (he had a little accident last night!!).  A few minutes later he came up and he said 'are you trying to get away from me' and I simply said that no, I was ignoring him cause his attitude was nothing new and I was fed up with it and was not interested to why he was in that mood.  So I just ignore it and carry on with my little life!  I dont think he was impressed with that but to be honest, I could not care less.

He left the house to go and play squash and slammed the door which really annoyed me cause if someone had the right to slam doors at that point, it was ME!
So I rang him on his mobile and was gonna shout at him that slamming the door was not very clever.  But as his phone was ringing I suddenly thought 'No... Be clever... be more clever than that big lump'  So he picked up his phone and I said 'Hi, it's me.  Are you ok... Just wanted to say to try to enjoy your squash session.  Get it out of your system and enjoy it alright... Oh and in the future, you dont have to slam doors, it really is not nice'  and he said 'yeah sorry, I didnt mean to...thanks for calling'... AH who's clever now!!!!!
So I showed him that I was not the Ice Queen he seems to think I am.  I have a heart and I can be clever and make effort to fix things too.
I wonder why I bothered though cause when he came back that night, he started organising for me and him to have snowboard lessons on artificial snow somewhere around where we live.  I really wish he hadn't bothered cause with the cold outside, the last thing I want to do after a day at work is driving 45 minutes for 90 minutes lesson.  So I was not really enthousiastic about it and he had a go at me telling me that maybe he should cancel the whole holiday.
Anyway... I told him I was tired and went to bed.  He came up to give me a hug.  Then he tried to kiss me and it was so off putting.  I dont mind giving him a quick kiss on the lips but he was trying too hard and really trying to have one of those passionate kiss you see on old movies.  I just pulled away and went to bed.  He was not happy but hey... what can I do. Force myself??!
This morning, he had his sad saggy face on and tried to give me a hug again and that really started to give me the creeps.
He started saying that he didn't see the point in carrying on and that maybe he should cancel the holiday... and blah blah blah
Jee... I have had enough of all of this.  I told him to stop being an arse... I am really fed up with him for trying to push it and push it and making me look like I am the one not making any effort.
He's doing everything wrong and even though a lot of my friends and family tell me that with time it'll be alright, I am not sure at all about it!  I feel stuck in a situation I hate.
I hate myself for making this happen but I just cannot carry on like this.
I had a dream last night.  I was with someone else and it was so good.... I enjoyed every bit of that dream and when you wake up and see that it was just a dream and you are still stuck with a misery gut, it is kinda depressing.
I better go and do my hair, put my face on and go to work...!
Have a good day
Mey
-x-

Comments for this entry:

  1. mistwarrier wrote at Jan 26, 2006 at 10:25 o\clock:hi mey. life is to short to live a miserable life and i sure hope you can get this thing figured out and do what you need to do to be happy. i think you deserve so much more than what you are getting.

    \"hugs\"

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