Mey's Journal

Mood: Good
Listening to: Extreme MakeOver Home Edition on Tele

I came home after shopping yesterday and felt happy cause I managed to get Sarah some really nice presents for her birthday and I knew she would like them.  I got her a realy nice black Bench jumper, and really good book (she loves reading) and the DVD of Steel Magnolia which is a film I love with Shirlley McLain, Julia Robert and Sally Field.  If you haven't seen that film, get it.  You'll love it!
Anyway I came home and Hubby was there, moody as ever.  He tried to talk to me and I kept saying that I wanted to wait till we'd see the counsellor.
I really felt sad cause he is begging me to reconsider and tells me that he will change.
He told me that 2006 for him had started really well and he felt really positive about it all and then I dropped the bombshell on him and now he felt helpless.  I must admit, I have never seen him like this.  We have had our arguments in the past but this is really serious.

He then asked me how we would split the house and who would get the kids etc etc...  I havent thought that far yet... not properly anyway.  I realised that although I told him he could keep the children as long as I could see them everyday (I thought I cannot possibly take everything from him!!).  I knew that if we did this, it would be a temporary option but I felt that with this option maybe the children would not feel too disrupted if they stayed in the house.... Who am I kidding.  They will be all over the place poor things.  I love them so much I hate myself for doing this!!

Anyway, I was not looking forward to an evening with him so I asked him if he minded if I went to Sarah's for the evening.  He said no...he actually said that it might be best if we didn't spend the evening together cause we are going in circles with our discussions!

I went upstairs to get ready and he came too.  And once again he started asking questions about what will happen and asking me if I would change my mind.  Then I went mad... I was so tired of the same questions so I simple told (I was shouting a bit!) him that it was wrong of him to expect me to be unhappy for his sake.  I can't exactly remember what I told him.  It was in the heat of the moment and it was coming out of my mouth!  Amazingly he thanked me for being honest with him and for telling exactly what was what.

When I left, he didnt give me grief, or ask me what time I was coming back ... nothing like that.  He simply said have a good time....how refreshing!!!
I arrived at Sarah's and Donna was there which was great cause we always have a great time when it's the three of us!

I broke my new year resolutions and drank wine and smoked cigarettes and ate chocolate...it was a proper girls night in, with music, laughs and simply having a good time.  I called Hubby after a while and asked if he was ok.  He said he was and I said that if we both worked at it really hard we may be able to salvage something.  He was glad I said that and I felt for the first since that whole thing started we were at last getting somewhere.
If he starts acting like an adult and not like a possessive hubby, it'll make things much easier.

This morning he let me sleep which was nice.... I had a bit of a hangover...which was nice in a weird way.  I really enjoyed the few glasses of wine I had.  It really chilled me down and I needed to relax!
We had a good morning.  He was fine with me and so was I.  The kids were lovely and I know that if I am to make things work as best as I can.... I'll do it for them.
However, for them to be happy, I need to be happy too.  I am not saying everything is honkey dorey....but I'll work at it as hard as I can to make things as easy as possible!
Have a good sunday
Mey
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