Mey's Journal

Could this week get any worse?!

I had to go home early today cause Hubby had a car crash.  He is fine but a 17 year old kid smashed into his car on his motobike and had to be taken to hospital by ambulance.  Hubby was well shaken up and he had to go through police statement, breatheliser etc etc.
When he called me he was waiting for the ambulance as the accident had just happened and I was just at work.  He put the phone down and I was left at my desk wondering what the hell happened as it was a bit confusing.  I told my work mates about it and they both told me to go home but at first I said no. I needed to work to keep my mind of things.  I called Hubby's brother to see if he knew more and he told me that he was on his way there.  He told me not to come but to stay calm and he said he would call me as soon as he knew anything more.
So I was trying to concentrate at work and both my work mates told me to go home cause I was just useless in my state!
I drove home and waited.  My phone rang and it was Hubby's brother telling me that he was fine and the kid had been taken to hospital and that we'd know more later.  So I texted Hubby and said 'They've sent me home, call me x'

About 40 minutes later he called and he was quite cold with me.  I said to him I was hoping he would come home cause he obviously was in no state to work as he was in shock and after the last 2 days he certainly was in no fit state to think straight so he might as well come home and try to rest.  He dismissed my suggestion and said he was fine then hang up.  I guess I could not expect him to be all nice and lovely with me after what I am doing to him.

A couple of hours later I put my coat on to go to school and pick up Jack and as I was just walking down the road, Hubby turned up in his car (badly damaged on the side from the impact).  I asked him where he was going and he said he was coming home so I asked him if he wanted to come with me to pick up Jack and he said yes.
On the way to school as we were walking down he told me he was expecting me to come and see him on the scene of the accident.  He said he really needed me there.  So I explained that his brother had told me not to and that I went home thinking he would come home and that I wanted to be there for him.... I think that made him feel better.  So much so that he started asking if I would reconcider what has been happening in the last 2 days and I just shook my head... I told him he is just pushing it too much and that what is doing will not lead to anything but the opposite of what he wants.
I said that we will work at it and try to make things as easy as possible but he has got to stop being so insecure!!

Anyway.  He has been ok this afternoon.  Sitting next to me and wanting a hug then remembering that maybe he should not push it!!! 
It really breaks my heart to do this to him but I am not prepared to pretend any longer.
God knows what the future holds... we just have to take one day at the time and see.
Just wanted to thank you all for your great messages of support.  Means a lot to me. Thank you.
Mey
-x-