Mey's Journal

After the concert I was so excited but also quite sad cause it was all over.  I went to my friend's party afterwards but only had a diet coke.  I was sobber while everyone else was plastered.  Me....SOBER... now that's a little red cross to be put on the calendar!
Anyway I went home and uploaded the pictures of the concert I took and just sat there quitetly reminding myself of how wonderful my night had been.
Then I went to bed cause I was really tired.
When Hubby got home at 4am he got into bed.  I was awake by then but pretended to be still sleeping.  And he was turning and tossing and breating loud.  I knew something was wrong... So I talked and said: 'What is this.... too much drinking...can't sleep or is it something else'
And that is when he started having a right go at me.  He told me he had a chat with Sarah earlier and she had told him I was a real flirt when I go out with the girls and that when I get drunk I am out of control...it went on and on and on....
And I thought.... that is impossible.  Sarah would never ever do this to me. 
I wont go into details cause it really upsets me.  I realised after being talked to like I was a slag out to get laid (sorry if I am blunt) that Hubby had exagerate a million times what had Sarah said.  And it made me realise that he always does that.  He always says things to try to catch me out.  He is so insecure that it almost would be acceptable for him to know I had been bad... which I know does not make sense!
So on Monday we had a huge argument (by the way I spent my Sunday crying on the sofa while he took the kids out, and I was wondering why on earth was I still married to that jerk).  I told him on Monday that if he didn't change I did not see anything that would keep me carrying on in this marriage.  Apart from the children.
He promised he would change and I kinda thought I hit home with the argument.  I really thought he was gonna change and things would be better.
It didn't last 24 hours.  On Tuesday he started again accusing me of things I haven't done etc etc.
On Wednesday I decided not to forgive so easily and told him that I had enough.... I spent the day being really cold when he called me on the phone and just simply saying that I had enough.
Now we are back to let's try again episode.

The thing is now, everything is a bit different for me.  Before, when we used to argue I knew it would blow over after a while.
Now I know that the cup is filling and the clock is ticking.
If I get anymore of this abuse, I will definately make a really difficult decision IN MY FAVOUR!

I gotta go
Have a nice day
Mey
-x-