Mey's Journal

Nov 30, 2005 at 09:34 o\clock

Better now...

by: mey2

Mood: Calm
Listening to: Will and Grace on tele

I am so overwhelmed by all your support. Thank you all so much

Monday was a horrid day for me.  I went to work and my friend/colleague Claire saw straight through me and I had to tell her how I felt.  She was really supportive and said to me that I should go and see Andrea that afternoon to hear her side of the story.

I also talk to my friend Neil via email who works in the I.T. department and suprisingly he has some wise words for me too.  He said that when you are angry and upset about something, your mind goes on overdrive and you cannot think straight.  So you should sit back take a deep breath and deal with the situation calmly.

And it is what I did.  I arrived at Starbucks at 1.30 on Monday and ordered a skinny latte, and while I was waiting I was reading OK Magazine and all about C. Aguillera's wedding.  SO I was really calm.
Then I saw Andrea walked in and she looked like a zombie.  She sat down and she talked straight away with tears streaming down her cheecks telling how sorry she was.
She explained that she was drunk and felt lonely but in no way was trying it on with Hubby.  She said she just needed a hug and she admitted that it must have looked dodgy from where I was standing.  She also said she would understand if I never want to see her again and that she would never ever do this to me.
She looked genuinly upset and I did tell her that I had been deeply hurt. 

We agreed that the whole thing was a mistake and that it would never happen again. 

Hubby is still in the dog house but we talk.  He endlessly tells me he loves me and grabs me to give me a hug at any opportunity.  It actually made me laugh cause he acts like a child who lost his teddy!

Anyway.  My family is so important to me that I have made the decision to ease on what happened as long as Hubby will behave for the rest of his life.  One more mistake like this and I'll kick his butt so hard he won't touch the ground for half a mile!

Once again.  I am really really happy and touched by all your lovely messages.  It meant a huge deal to me.  Thanks Jackie for the chocolate ... I ate them all!

Have a beautiful day y'all
I love you

Nov 28, 2005 at 09:30 o\clock

Upset and Confused!

by: mey2

I have had the worst weekend EVER.
As you may know we went to a party on Friday night.  The party was great and there were a lot of people.  Everybody was happy and cheery.  When the club closed at 2am, we went home with a few friends (just about 8 of us) and we carried on partying.  Only I felt a bit sick and tired so I actually went to bed about 4am.  But because I had too much to drink I could not sleep and was tossing and turning.  Hubby came to see me and I told him I wished for everyone to go home now.... it was getting near 6am and I thought the party was well and truly over.

Anyway I think I felt asleep for about 30 minutes and then I heard some of my friends leaving.  So I thought 'Great!  at last!!'.  However for some reason I felt this ball in my stomach that said to me... Get up and go downstairs.

So I did... I walked downstairs and realised that Hubby was still in the kitchen... and there was someone with him.  The door was closed but I could hear noises.  The door has glass panels so I could see through from the top of the stairs and what I saw made me feel really weird and sick.
Hubby was with my friend Andrea and they were hugging.  So what I hear you say... Well the hug was pretty full on.  I would call it an embrace without kissing.

I looked at them for about half a minutes which actually felt like for ever and thought 'What the hell.... !'  I was shocked and confused.  I thought to myself, shall I just stay here and look at them and see what's gonna happened or shall I go downstairs and stop this horrible thing.

I thought about waiting to really catch them in the act cause from where I was standing a kiss was on the way.  But then I thought NO... if they kiss then this will be mega bad and it will destroy my marriage for sure.  So i walked down and stood in front of the door.
When Andrea saw me and Hubby too, he pulled away from her like he had been caught red handed (well.... he had!!)
She looked at me in shock and I walked in and said 'What the fuck is going on here....'  Both of them went ' got it wrong... we were just hugging' and I screamed 'Do you think I am a complete idiot.  Do you really think I am gonna believe nothing is going on after what I saw'

Anyway.... I wont carry on with all the details cause I m not too happy remembering it all.

I cried buckets all weekend and hubby has been here telling me over and over again that nothing was going on, that it was just a drunken hug. that he loves me and I am the only one for you etc etc.
He feels really bad... not as bad as me I guess.  I keep seeing these images of them two in the kitchen and it kills me every time.

Andrea is married and she has been a really good friend to me and she texted me telling me that she loved me and that she was really drunk that night.  Her hubby called mine to ask what was happenind cause apparently she was really upset.  She told her hubby about the hug and told him how I reacted.  And my hubby said that I was really upset too.  Andrea's hubby I think believe that I am over reacting and that is fair play cause he was not there like I was. 

At the end of the day I know what I saw and it really hurt seeing my hubby in that kinda situation with someone else.  I never thought in my life  that I would ever witness this.
He is begging me to believe there was nothing wrong.  But I can't help it.  I am convinced that if I didn't intervene something worse would have happened.

I have made arrangements to meet Andrea today so we can talk... but right now I feel like cancelling.  I see how I feel nearer the time of the meeting.

I have not spoken to anyone about this for the whole weekend.  Maybe I should confide in Sarah and see what she'd say.  I feel really confused and weird... I am off to work

Thanks for reading me.

Nov 25, 2005 at 11:04 o\clock

Brrrrr It's cold in here!!!

by: mey2

Mood: Cold but happy but also in pain!!
Listening to: Sky News

It's been snowing all night in some part of England.  Not down here though .  I love snow so much!!!  I cannot wait to see it fall.
It's just so pretty!!

Anyway.  Today is the day when George Best (Football Hero) is going to die.  He has been ill for quite some time now and since last night his doctors have been on tele saying: He is near death.  He has only hours to live now....
So people have been putting flowers and tributes by the hospital where he's at which I think is really weird since he is still alive and they're acting like he is dead already.  I am watching Sky News and waiting fo the NEWS ALERT that will finally say: George best has passed away.  He was a football legend in the 70s blah blah blah.  It actually reminds me when the Pope John Paul II died.  Remember how everybody was just waiting for the final breath.
How impersonal a death can be nowadays!!!  There is definately no privacy anymore.
I read in a paper this week that Channel 4 are recruiting for a new show.... now listen to this and please... get the bucket ready cause it is gross!  They are recuiting terminally ill people so that when they die, we can film and see and examine how their body is decomposing!  How sick is that!!!!
I am asking you... where is the world going to.  With all that reality TV now!   I mean soon you probably will have a murder Live on tele!!!  Sick!

I am off to the shops soon cause Tom wants me to buy a pair of slippers.  And then he said that he wants to eat at McDonalds so I'll have to take him!!
I am going out tonight for my friend's birthday and leaving do.  Although I hurt my shoulder somehow when I was alseep and I am in pain.  I said to Hubby this morning that I might not come out and he's said to me that I had to get an emergency appointment to my chiropractor cause he wanted me to come out.  He actually said that before I wasn't bothered if I'd come out or not but now he really likes it when I am out... WHY... so he can have a go at me if I dance too much!!!  
Jee.... I might go anyway cause Donna is going and maybe Sarah too.  Sam is going for sure and I really want to see her cause I haven't for a while.

I want to wish you all a very happy Thanks Giving.  And I hope you will be all forgiven by the Turkey God up there....

Have a great weekend

Nov 23, 2005 at 09:16 o\clock

Glad to be back!!!!

by: mey2

Mood: Glad to be back!!
Listening to: Just Shoot me on tele

Aaaahhh I am so glad all is back to normal...

apart from a weird entry in my guesbook which I cannot cancel... must be the hackers... BASTARDS!!!!   I have now disabled my guesbook so no one can see their stupid spamming!

Anyway.  I hope everybody is ok after being away for a few days.  For me it felt like I'd lost the keys of my house and could not get in and when I finally got my keys back...I felt all warm inside...LOL

There is actually not much to say for me cause nothing much has happened in the last few days. 
Well not for me anyway, but my friend Sarah has split up from her partner Arlo and although I do understand why she did it, I kinda feel sad about it all cause they are both my friends.  Mind you they have split up before.  Nothing is to say that they are not gonna go back together in a few months...or weeks...or days!!!  We'll see, I'll keep you informed.

So now that Sarah is single...and so is my friend Donna I am planning to introduce them to that guy I am emailing at the way we do see each other too.  we're not just emailing each other like two nerds.  He is a very nice guy and so funny.  It is simply a friendship.  He knows I am not single and he knows I have kids.
So yesterday he asked me if I had any single friends...well I said... as a matter of fact I have!!!
So next thing is to plan for me Sarah and Donna to go out on evening for a drink and I will tell him where we'll go so he can come too with his friends and we'll take it from there...  That should be fun!!!
I am not sure he is the type of guys Sarah or Donna would go for, but it's worth a try.  Beside he is kind, he has got a job and he is very independent which will make a change from their ex boyfriends!!

Right on Friday I am going to a party.  My friend Chris is leaving the UK to go and live in Australia with his wife Alex. So he is having a big party... I suspect I will have a hangover the next day... dont expect any post from me on Saturday morning LOL...or Sunday!!

I better go and get ready for work.  Back later!!


Have a good day

PS: weather wise here is cold but apparently blizzard is on its way for Friday!!  So I guess it'll be a day at home for me with thick socks on and a cup of coco!!!!

Nov 16, 2005 at 18:28 o\clock

Speedy entry!

by: mey2

Mood: confused

I know... I know...
I haven't been here for a few days but I have been working and I have been busy.

I have started on Christmas Shopping and that will take me quite some time so if I am not here...don't worry.  I am only round the corner!!

Anyway... this is gonna sound really unlike me and maybe very outrageous...but... and please do not judge me... I have been emailing this guy at work!!  He is really funny and works in the I.T. department.  We started emailing each other in September but the only thing we were sending were funny emails etc. 
Then on Monday we started just chit chatting.  and he is really nice.
He knows I am with someone so at least that is clear.
But I cannot help wanting to just go out for a drink with him...just as mates... and flirting is nothing bad right??!!

I know in my heart that I will never let something go between my hubby and I but what I am doing at the moment is kinda exciting and it makes my life a little more interesting!!!  Am I being really bad??
Anyway... food for thoughts!!
Have a great day

Nov 9, 2005 at 17:00 o\clock

Good day!!

by: mey2

Mood: Cool

I am feeling so much better today.  It is mid week and I am working tomorrow but then it's the week-end.  I have a new Admin Assistant who helps me go through all my work and I must say... it is wonderful... I give tasks for her to do and she does them.  I never had someone under me before.  I was always the person under everyone else.  Now I am the person on top.... well there's other people on top of me but at least I am not at the bottom...
Anyway.  Work is getting better so I guess it plays a lot on my mind and I am less stressed.

Hubby is better with me too.  He has stopped questionning me about his clown career and he is just as normal.  He even proposed to take to Yo Sushi on Friday night and organised babysitting with his mum.  How great is that.  I now it will mean I'll have to have sex with him afterwards but what the heck...small price to pay for Sushi if you ask me...LOL

Me and Karen are now on speaking terms.  I think she would like much more from me but I am kinda keeping my distances.  I told her about the fact that my social life was busy and she seems ok with that.  I also told her that I will never be friend with her man Pete cause he is a pratt and she understood!!  BLIMEY... what a turn of attitude!!!  Anyway, we shall see how it goes.  Her birthday is coming up and if she invites me I will go as long as her Pete doesn't and since he probably will, I'll stay home which is cool cause Saturday night is good tele with the X Factor and Simon Cowell.... LOL  would not miss it for the world!!

I have planned to go out on Saturday with Sarah and Donna.  Poor Donna.  She is taking a break from John, her boyfriend of 9 months.  He is a very sweet guy and good looking too but he is ever so needy.  He calls her all the time and tells her he cannot live without her.  On saturday she came to our firworks party and had a little cry (helped by the drinks) and she told Hubby she wanted to leave John.  When Hubby told me the day after I was more cheesed off by the fact she told him and not me. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday she laughed saying I was probably the only person she hadn't told that night... I passed through the net..LOL
Anyway she is on a break with him but me and Sarah seriously doubt she is coming back to him.  She needs her own space and she is not getting it with him.  Oh well.... we shall drink on Saturday and help her forget about him.... mind you, she has already LOL... Let's just drink for the hell of it then!!

OK... my mum just got online.  I better talk to her.  She is going to tell me off cause I was supposed to fax my bank details to her bank manager but I ain't done it!!!  Let's brace ourselves for the big 'NAG NAG NAG'

Have a good day y'all

Nov 7, 2005 at 09:42 o\clock

It didn't work!!

by: mey2

Mood: soooooo sleepy

This is a quick entry.

I have had not so much of a hangover yesterday but I was really really tired and it is going on right now too.  I am about to go to work and don;t really know how I am gonna cope.  We went to bed after 4am on Saturday. It was a great party and I drank more that I should have but I really need more sleep.

And hubby really annoyed me like you never believe.  Turns out that at the party two of my friends said to me that they really didn't feel comfortable when Hubby was going all weird on me and thought I would go off with his mates.  I kept quiet all weekend and this morning he said that Arlo, Sarah's partner had said something really strange to him about hubby should not worry about him trying it out with me cause this was not his type etc... and I just said to hubby this morning that everyone thoughts he was making them feel uncomfortable with his constant jealousy and paranoia... The thing is I didn't even say that in a bad way.  I said I didn't know everything that I didn't understood everything but I knew all our friends knew about his jealousy thing.... and he went off saying I shouldn't have talked about our problems to our friends etc etc... which I didn't.  So he stormed off saying 'well all our friends now think I am a joke' and I didn't even bother to try to reply or tell him he was being over paranoid again... I couldn't be bothered at all!!

AArrrghhh I am sssssooooo tired!  I better go cause I'll end up being late if I stay on here too long.

Have a good week!!

Nov 5, 2005 at 11:24 o\clock

I know.... I am talking about her again!

by: mey2

Mood: eerr... I am neutral!!!
Listening to: Dick and Dom in da bungalow on tele

I saw Karen yesterday.  She came for a cup of coffee and to drop Tom's present.

I had quite a few things to do so I was hoping she would come, have a coffe and go.  But she stayed for nearly 3 hours!!!!  She talked about the fact that she was an emotional wreck.  She lost her grandad quite unexpentently a month ago and I think that really affected her.  I could see that many times when we were talking she was about to cry.  But she never did..thank God.  I wouldn't have known what to do!
Although we talked, there were moments of silence which never happened before.  It was a bit uncomfortable.  I was struggling to find things to talk about.  I realised then that we were Never, EVER be the same again because I really dont want to.
Anyway, she apparently went to see her doctor on Thursday and was told to concider anti depressant.  Her doctor gave her some litterature to read about all the side effects anti depressant can give and also to really consider whether or not she wants to take them.  I think that is quite weird from the doctor to just give stuff to read.  My doctor talked me through it and then she said that if I needed time to concider whether I wanted to take them or needed to talk to my hubby about it, I should go home and come back in a week.  Which I did and decided to go for it.  So I told Karen that since I was on them, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and felt 100% better.  She told me that she was telling "someone" about the way she felt (I suspect it was her stupid sister) and that "someone" said to her 'Don't be so silly'... that is the reason why I think the "someone" is her sister cause only her sister could be so flipping patronising!!  I told her to make a decision for herself.  Cause no one knows what is going on inside her own head.  Anyway.  I did my good deed for the day.  I was nice to her!!

Last night I went to my friend Charlotte for a firework night and Sarah came too.  We had a really good time but I went home early cause Tom was really tired.  I didn't even drink much cause I was driving even though hubby said to me 'Go on...have a drink, we'll get a cab to get home'  He is weird that guy..  One minute he has a go at me cause I am drinking too much and the next he wants me to drink and finds it strange that I dont want to.... WEIRDO!!!  anyway I feel so good this morning... no hangover!  Tonight we have a fireworks party at our place too with quite a few people coming.  But again, kids will be here and I dont want to get drunk.  So I have decided that I'll have a few drinks and then finish on water....aren't I being good!!!!

I better get ready cause I have a million things to do today.
Hello to all my lovely buddies out there who are reading me... you know who you are!!
Have a great weekend

Nov 2, 2005 at 16:52 o\clock

This is what happened!!

by: mey2

Mood: Getting ready for tonight...just washed my hair!!!

You remember... maybe... that Karen had asked me a few weeks ago about Tom's birthday pretending that her kids wanted to make a card for him etc.  And in the end I invited her kids along to the party cause Tom wanted them there.
Then she said that she may not be in town on the party weekend so she had to let me know whether she could make it later on.  Then she said that she wouldn't know anyone there and that her Pete was going to football that day so she would feel uncomfortable which I thought was such an immature thing for her to say cause at the end of the day it is about Tom's party and her kids having fun... not her being an absolute pratt!
Anyway on the day of the party on the way to the party I drove past her house and spotted her car there.  So she was obviously in town.  So I texted on her mobile phone saying that 'in case' she was still in town, she could still come to the party cause there wold be enough food and space for her kids.  I obviously did not say that I just drove past her house and saw her car there!!  A few minutes later she replied saying that it was nice of me to offer but she could not make it!
I was so flipping annoyed that once again she had played games with me.  She pretended to be interested in Tom's birthday, got an invite and in the end, did not turn up!!!
So on Monday I sent her an email asking her what she was playing at.

I had to calm down a bit cause she replied that apparently Olivia (her daughter) had been sick that week...and I knew that.  And she had been on antibiotics for three days but was still a bit poorly.  She said that she had a present and a card for Tom and would like to drop it round sometimes.... And she said that she was sorry but she didn't want to fall out even more with me over this cause she really wanted to come but could not cause of Olivia.

I worked myself up for nothing!!

So she is coming on Friday for a cup of coffee and she'll drop the present then.  Which is fine!

AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaanyway.  I am going out tonight....yep..Iam!!

I am going out with Sarah for some sushi.  I adore Sushi and this is the best night..I have been looking forward to it since I know about it (Saturday).  Hubby is taking the boys to see a Basketball game and he is going with Sarah's partner and Oliver their son.  So Sarah and me thought it would be great to enjoy an evening between us.  I love Sarah so much    She is such a great friend.  We actually said that if our hubbys get on our nerves too much, we would move together LOL... Aaaaahhh what a dream it would be!!

On Saturday we are having a Fireworks party at home for Guy Fawkes night.  It should be fun.  Sam and Si are coming as well as Sarah and Faith and all the kids.  My friend Andrea and her hubby are coming too.  Everybody's bringing fireworks and some drinks and I'll do some food.  I hope the weather will be ok cause it's been puring down lately!  Can't do fireworks when it rains!!!

OK... that's all... Oh..I have my period but I am sure you didn't wanna know that LOL.....

Have a great day

Nov 1, 2005 at 09:25 o\clock

Just a note

by: mey2

Listening to: Just shoot me on tele

I am back at work this week so I don't have much time to spend in here!

But I have a story to tell....all in good time!!

I will be writing soon...maybe Thursday if you're all good......

Take care