http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie That's the world from the perspective of me, Lois Kent, and my cat, Doug Howlett - with a free weblog from blogigo. en Lois Lois Fri, 22 Jul 2005 07:45:49 +0200 daily 1 Though my generation of siblings and cousins seem to (almost always) marry once only, my parents were more inclined toward serial monogamy (I think).  My mother has married twice, and lives with a new partner now, my father is twice-married too.  In the case of both my parents, I was not expecting to be step-parented.  My mother moved in with her (later) husband when I was 16, so I left home.  My father married the new lady in his life when I was in my early thirites. The contrast between the two approaches from my parents could not have been more different.  My mother never expected me to acknowledge her new man as someone significant to me.  We (my sisters and I) were happy for her - though her man was a domineering kind of character, he treated her like a princess, no doubt manna from heaven for her after some years of emotional neglect.  He, for his part, did not expect to be parenting us, and it made life alot easier that this was the case. My father,... Fri, 22 Jul 2005 07:45:49 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/How-to-be-friends-with-your-step-children/81/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/How-to-be-friends-with-your-step-children/81/ The visit of the Lions rugby team, painful as it was for their fans to watch (three comprehensive losses), was a great event for New Zealand.  Although it was hyped up a bit much, I have to say it was a pleasure having the fans around.  The streets of Auckland were buzzing, red-jerseyed fans around every corner, bars enjoying good trade.  And this is despite the fact that some fans (supposedly) went home after the first two losses.  We should enjoy this kind of event more often. On a less happy note, would like to belatedly convey condolences to any readers affected by the tragic events in London on the 7th of July.  Thu, 14 Jul 2005 07:36:19 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Let-s-do-it-all-again/80/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Let-s-do-it-all-again/80/ I know I haven't written much about the object of my affections, 'my angel'.  I never intended this weblog to be confessional at all.  But sometimes he is uppermost in my mind and I want to think about him. I could feel a little chapter of my life coming to an end, when, on saturday night, I enjoyed the evening with my angel and a lovely friend.  We have been enjoying watching a series of rugby games together and now the series has finished.  We celebrated together with a fabulous meal (cooked by yours truly) and watched fireworks and warmed ourselves with rum.  I felt quite close to my angel that night. But it also occured to me that soon my lovely friend will go back to her own country, and my angel will move to another country too, to fulfil his destiny.  Like the fireworks, I will remember the colours and the sounds of this time, but this vision will be no more.  I cannot be with my angel, and he cannot be with me. On a more positve note, the fact... Wed, 13 Jul 2005 07:32:58 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/My-angel-and-my-heart/79/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/My-angel-and-my-heart/79/ I suppose every generation has its peer group-promoted trends, good or bad, whether it is chopper bikes and schoolyard bullying behind the bike sheds, iPods and Red Bull & vodka-fuelled partying and so on.  A reader has responded to my thought on the word 'cowardly' with a comment about 'Happy slapping'.  For anyone not familiar with this term, it involves an act that is essentially a planned assault, which is 'filmed' on a mobile phone, and often then displayed on the Net.  I can't help but feel that, as far as trends of the day for young people go, this is a pretty sinister development, along with the use of mobiles to photograph other teens undressing or in the toilets.  All assault is a crime, so of course the schoolyard bullying was just that too, but now the Net allows the technologically-savvy youth of today to display records of their experience of all kinds to a worldwide audience, the implications for deep psychological damage, especially in the case of the... Tue, 05 Jul 2005 08:14:36 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Happy-slapping-not-just-dangerous-alliteration/78/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Happy-slapping-not-just-dangerous-alliteration/78/ I suppose one of the great things fantasy is that the less you know someone, the more you can theorise about them, endowing them with wonderful qualities.  I have had a couple of chances to spend some time with my 'angel' and what a spooky character he is.  A friend of ours took a photo of me, my angel, and a special friend - I am looking at my friend, she is looking at the camera, and the angel is looking... off somewhere into the distance.  I am convinced it is because he is Pisces. I had a Pisces boyfriend in the UK and there were certainly times where I'd be talking to him and he seem to be in a dream world of his own, which I found very frustrating.  On Yahoo's astrology site the compatibility of Aries and Pisces is noted as "You are Yang and the Pisces is Yin. It's the ultimate meeting of the polar opposites of the cosmos! You're brash and sometimes full of yourself; the Piscean is wise and all-knowing, with nothing to prove. You complement each other perfectly: you go out... Wed, 29 Jun 2005 07:49:34 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Distant-angels/77/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Distant-angels/77/ I've noticed many times in the past that, in reporting an assault on a woman in the newspaper, there is almost always someone repesenting the police or a judge, who descibes the act as 'cowardly'.  While I have no wish to detract from the serious nature of the crime itself, I can't help but think it actually takes alot of courage to be violent.  I personally have to be hughely provoked to lash out.  Certainly any attack should not be described as courageous, but 'cowardly' should be left for cowardly behaviour! Wed, 29 Jun 2005 07:40:57 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/What-is-a-coward/76/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/What-is-a-coward/76/ Well blow me down, let's tack a sail onto this onto this one and see if it floats... An appliance retailer in the UK is hoping to market irons to men.  Though studies (apparently) show that only 17% of the nations ironing is done by men in Britain, the retailer believes it is worth aiming toward "the high end of the market".  Research also revealed that male iron-purchasers were concentrated in Leeds, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Manchester (A trend led by David Beckham?) and Walthamstow, a place in East London.  One can only ponder the size of the research sample if the London suburb of Walthamstow is significant - I've been there and it is no bigger than Brooklyn.  One could also ponder whether men in Southampton and Birmingham have partners who iron, just like creased clothes, or take their shirts back to Mum (that's what I'd bet).   Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:29:41 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Iron-man/75/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Iron-man/75/ Many people my age may have grown up with mothers struggling to get us to eat vegetables, and quite a few of us may have been encouraged with the line, "Think of the starving millions in Africa".  That was around 30-odd years ago, and sadly, it could be put to similar use on the child/vege-eating battlefront today.  I also remember doing the '40-hour famine' to raise money for Africa, and that too, continues.  Bob Geldof and Bono will be pleased that after many years of campaigning the G8 (an alliance of the most wealthy nations) is going to collectively wipe the debts owed to them by a number of African nations.  It is thought that this will contribute greatly to relieving poverty.  I do hope that is true, but I can't help thinking that civil war, racial tension, and poor governance have alot to do with  poverty, possibly a more cause - effect relationship than the reverse (e.g. poverty causes war).  I find that with myself, there have been times when I have... Wed, 15 Jun 2005 08:13:39 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/What-to-do-about-Africa/74/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/What-to-do-about-Africa/74/ Was very plesed to receive a comment the piece about flirting - thankyou 'Kelly'.  A very good question was put - how do you define flirting?  I have spent a little time today online to get, as a starting point, a dictionary definition.  I began with the verb 'to flirt':  Behave in a playful and alluring way      ... OK, I get that.  Next up was flirtatious:  indicating sexual liking for somebody playfully - behaving playfully and in a way that gives an impression of sexual interest.  I think that is probably what I feel flirting is, and why I feel a little aggrieved if it can't go further - for me a sexual relationship must be part of a passionate Luurrve relationship! Then I tried 'flirt with':  to consider an idea without doing anything serious about it or letting it have an effect.   Aha!  now this is possibly what is going on when some is flirting with me.  Perhaps there is more enlightenment in the word... Tue, 14 Jun 2005 07:39:37 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/A-very-good-question/73/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/A-very-good-question/73/ What is the function of flirting?  Is it just a way of smoothing over the rough corners of our daily interactions when dealing with the opposite sex, or is it a way to signal interest insomeon?  I had reason to ponder this lately. I have noticed that I am very flirtatious with customers on the phone, but see this as harmless, and ceretainly not a signal of interst in the other person.  This is taken as read by my (willing, I assure you) customers - we wil never see each other, and anyway, it is a professional relationship.  What interests me more, is why flirting has a different significance when there's someone I am interested in.  How much harder it is to see flirting as just that harmless fun, witty jousting of the sexes when you badly want your flirting partner to be as excited at the attention as you are. Luckily I have become better at avoiding getting too hung up on those I worship from afar, before the truth comes out.  What I can't... Tue, 07 Jun 2005 08:10:58 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Flirting-and-flirting/72/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Flirting-and-flirting/72/ ..what more needs to be said?  :-( Tue, 07 Jun 2005 07:58:52 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/My-angel-has-a-girlfriend/71/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/My-angel-has-a-girlfriend/71/ It can be lovely to know a secret.  It can be lovely to have secrets, to feel that not all of yourself is on display to all people.  Offices are notorious for gossip.  I thought I had been very careful about sharing my thoughts. But someone spilt the beans, and I fear my interest in someone lovely could be the source of derisory gossip.  I don''t know it to be true, but I feel it.  The thing is, sharing information is a bit like lending and borrowing.  If I borrow a book from a friend I don't believe I have the right to lend it to another freind.  I had a boyfriend once, who lent a book of mine to his ex-wife.  I didn't get it back because it got damaged, and my boyfriend didn't replace it.  I'd already read the book, but felt unhappy it was lent without my permission. If someone tells me something private, it is not for me to feel free to pass that on to another.  I got a bit of a shock when a colleague said to me, "I know your secret". ... Thu, 02 Jun 2005 07:20:33 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Having-confidence-in-a-confidence/70/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Having-confidence-in-a-confidence/70/ Since hair removal for men became the next big thing (or at least the next big money-grabbing invention built on human insecurity about looks) there are clinic around now that will laser away a man's body hair.  The suggestion is normally that the man should want to remove hair from his back and chest, as women (the ads demonstrate through a chick's screwed up face in the 'before' picture', followed by come-on smile in the 'after' picture.  What always makes me chuckle, is that the hair in the 'after' photo alway looks fake and stuck on.  In the most recent picture of this I have seen, man has an almost heart-shaped profusion of hair on his chest, rather like some kind of hair corset (think the top of Jessica Rabbit's dress, or Madonna in her 'Sex' days).    I have spent enough time by the sea, down at the hot pools, and other places one may see topless men to know that hairy men don't have some full-on mat of hair right next to baby-smooth skin.  Patterns of hair... Tue, 31 May 2005 08:04:37 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Boys-and-their-fluff/69/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Boys-and-their-fluff/69/ I have written before about one of NZ's more colourful (in the Foot in Mouth sense) members of Parliament, John Tamihere.  Despite a Prime Minister-directed sojourn John is still adamant that men need to reclaim their masculinity, recently suggesting at a Men's Issues Summit that men should write novels, short stories and songs about male lifestyles.  This surprised me, as much of what has been celebrated as culture has been written and composed from male experience.  Women have written and composed since the days of Sappho, but when they were able to bring examples of their experience into the mainstream in the last century, such _expression was making up for centuries of receiving little recognition of their voice.   If John T needs to affirm his masculinity through singing, he should just join England 's 'Barmy Army'.  They are a bunch of sportsfans who follow their heroes around the world, and sing almost non-stop while their teams play.  Their... Wed, 25 May 2005 07:24:39 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/A-tip-for-John-T/68/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/A-tip-for-John-T/68/ Quite a few Pacific Islanders name their first son after the father, and that boy is named 'Junior'.  I have heard of sons taking their fathers' christian names in the US too, though the boy concerned may be called for example, Michael Prince Jackson Jnr (yes I know Jacko didn't name his child this way - it's just an illustration!), while the father can become Michael Prince Jackson Snr.  What the term 'junior' has in common in both examples is the the 'junior' person is younger than the 'senior'.  As the super 12 rugby tournament reaches its conclusion (final next week) the thoughts of the nation turn to selection for the iconic national team, the All Blacks.  Being an All Black, is , for any male rugby player in NZ, the pinnacle of achievement in the sport.  Those of Maori descent can play in the NZ Maori (a team for which those of such lineage feel proud to play) and for those whose skills base suits it, the New Zealand Rugby Sevens team, but All Black selection has... Sun, 22 May 2005 04:38:01 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/What-is-a-junior/67/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/What-is-a-junior/67/ Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the Queen of England, is to be immortalised in oil by none other than that celebrated protrait artist to monarchy around the world... Rolf Harris.  For those not familiar with Harris, he is a cheeky, jocular australian (probably in his 60s or 70s by now I would imagine), who rose to fame doing quick paint-sketches on TV, playing the didgeridoo, and singing comic songs such as '(I'm) Jake the Peg'.  Apparently his choice to paint Her Majesty has not been well received by monarchists.  In reporting this, the local sunday rag (the Herald on Sunday, should any reader wish to check it out online) commissioned local primary school children to give the Queen's portrait a try too.  The results were delightful if a  little spooky - one child gave her eyes lashes of somewhat different size, with one reaching almost to her hairline, the other reasonably proportionate.  Another, young Karnit Sharma aged 9, in an interesting juxtaposition of signs of... Sun, 22 May 2005 04:16:53 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/God-save-the-Queen-from-dodgy-portraits/66/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/God-save-the-Queen-from-dodgy-portraits/66/ I have always been keen on festivals.  In the UK I worked on the Anti-racism festival, danced in the Notting Hill Carnival, and attended the Latin American Film Festival without fail.  In Auckland there is a good range fo festivals in the summer, including the Pacisika Festival (celebrating cultures of the Pacific Islands), The Multicultural Festival (celebrating world cultures), and  The Chinese Lantern Festival (celebrating the Chinese New Year).  While we're on the subject of New Year celebrations, we also have a Diwali Festival (the Hindu New Year), and there is in fact a Maori New Year called Matariki, though no festival of note yet, but I am sure Matariki's day will come. Currently there is a Readers' and Writers' Festival, which seems to be going on forever.  You may guess from the last part of that sentence that I am not participating an awful lot in this one, despite enjoying both reading and writing.  The events include speeches by writers, book signings... Sun, 22 May 2005 04:04:30 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Tis-always-the-festive-season/65/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Tis-always-the-festive-season/65/ Check this out from the weekend paper: 'A Romanian traffic cop has been demoted after he fined a driver for his looks. Marius Vlasceanu pulled over Gheorghe Tosa as he drove through Craiova, but he failed to see the funny side as he was  fined te equivalent of $55 and given a ticket, the reason given that the fine was for "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".  Vlasceanu has been given a desk job in a remote village' Presumably there are no villagers with moronic faces, or they've all moved to Craiova. Mon, 16 May 2005 03:08:06 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Time-to-move-to-a-new-town./64/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Time-to-move-to-a-new-town./64/ One of my friend's Dads told him, "Son, get a job you love and you'll never have to work again".  Good advice I guess.  At the time I had a job I was passionate about.  I worked in the theatre.  but I lost my passion for that, not so much in not finding performances magical, but more tiring of the long, anti-social hours, and disenchantment with the people too. At my hiphop dance class recently, a chick came in and started handing out cans of Red Bull.  Red Bull is a caffeine-loaded energy drink favoured by teens and clubbers in the UK, who like to combine it with vodka etc to get hammered but stay upright at the same time.  I don't like it myself, but thought it might come in handy after the dance class.  Meanwhile, another girl at the class asked, "So how do you like being a Red Bull Girl?", to which RBG replied, "Well, it's a very important job..."  Say whatttt??? Important.  Sweetheart, saving peoples lives is important.  Raising children is... Mon, 16 May 2005 03:03:35 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Passion-required/63/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Passion-required/63/ One of my friend's Dads told him, "Son, get a job you love and you'll never have to work again".  Good advice I guess.  At the time I had a job I was passionate about.  I worked in the theatre.  but I lost my passion for that, not so much in not finding performances magical, but more tiring of the long, anti-social hours, and disenchantment with the people too. At my hiphop dance class recently, a chick came in and started handing out cans of Red Bull.  Red Bull is a caffeine-loaded energy drink favoured by teens and clubbers in the UK, who like to combine it with vodka etc to get hammered but stay upright at the same time.  I don't like it myself, but thought it might come in handy after the dance class.  Meanwhile, another girl at the class asked, "So how do you like being a Red Bull Girl?", to which RBG replied, "Well, it's a very important job..."  Say whatttt??? Important.  Sweetheart, saving peoples lives is important.  Raising children is... Mon, 16 May 2005 03:03:35 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Passion-required/62/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/LoisandDougie/Passion-required/62/