Horses for courses and pills for guys
I love weekends. Both saturday and sunday I enjoy, newspaper and coffee in bed, preferably with my beloved Dougie by my side.
Today one columnist has written that she believes the development of a 'male pill', is a waste of time. This is, she reasons (sic) a) what man would want to immobolise his masculinity?, and b) the consequences of unwanted pregancy impact more heavily on women. I assume in the case of the latter, the writer is suggesting men lack the necessary motivation to use contraception (aside from the condom).
I simply do cannot endorse either argument. If using a contraceptive which reduces the sperm's ability to swim is a threat to a man's masculinity, what does this say about men who have vasectomies? Are they more secure in their masculinity? Sterilisation is, since the rate of succesful reversal is low, a very final, potentially emasculating, procedure, but is an option that can be taken by men who are fairly certain they will not wish to father children in the future. This group could include those who already have children, or men who simply feel late parenthood is undesirable. But I know of another kind of candidate for either vasectomy or, more preferably, the male pill.
When I lived in Australia, I became friends with a lovely young couple who I will refer to as S and J. J had tried using the IUD, but encountered serious probems - on one occasion the uterus chose to (painfully) expel the device all by itself. The pill caused J to not only gain weight (an undesireable but not serious side-effect unless you're a model), but dampened her libido and made her moody and miserable, whcih did nothing to enhance her relationship with S. S was sympathetic, but since sex is an important way of sharing intimacy and affirming closeness in a relationship, both parties suffered in its absence. Speaking of intimacy, barrier methods hardly boost intimacy by virtue of their intrusive nature. No amount of kindly messages on condom instructions suggesting a woman can put on the condom "as part of love play" will ever convince me this contraceptive option is a good one for a committed couple. As the couple were in their twenties, vasectomy was not an option they would consider. S would have been happy to at least try the pill, had it been available.
Also while in Australia, I had a short-lived romance with a guy I'll call G. During one evening of pillow-talk, G told me he wished there were such a thing as a 'temporary vasectomy' - perhaps little clips on the vas deferens which could later be removed to restore fertility. G never mentioned this method would undermine his masculinity. Indeed, as a single guy, he seemed to envy the choice that women have to use an unobtrusive contraceptive to avoid unwanted pregnancy.
My last case in regard to this issue, is that of a good friend of mine, T. T has a young child, fathered with a previous partner. Although delighted that his child, C, is here, it was certainly not something T had wished for, having one child already who he was unable the parent as much as he would have liked, due to divorce and relocation to a different city. This in itself may have made taking a male pill something T might have found useful. Happy to have a child but not seeking to start another family, yet a little quesy about vasectomy, the pill might have been an ideal way for T to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.
Why shouldn't men be able to avoid unwanted pregnancy in the same way women can? Why should my Australian friends, S and J, not have another option, having struggled with the others on offer? Although I would never believe a man I didn't know very well if he said he was on the pill (unless it had a side-effect of making the guy's ears turn green or something), I would certainly welcome this advance. I don't do casual sex anyway, but no amount of abstinence programs will stop it happening, and guys like T have every right to want a sex life too.
What do you think, dear reader? If I cannot set up a poll (haven't done that before), why not write a comment?
Bye for now.
