humdrum...or is it?
Mood: tired
Well...i had written something on Sat. but I son't know where it went....oh well...
No work tomorrow...whoo hoo...i think im spending the day with a friend...maybe catch a movie...nice day off!
As i'm slowing getting into the summer mood, I have to reflect back on this year...i can not believe that almost a year has gone by since i graduated high school. i know it seems like I'm harping on this subject, but i guess now I'm really starting to understand what is happening with my life...
today in the gift shop, they started putting out the graduation stuff and i got very nostalgic...which i don't know why i am...high school totally sucked for me, and yet, there is a part of me that really misses it....weird....
this year, my younger cousin is graduating...we went to the same school.....one of my other cousins is getting married in Sept....AND another cousin is having a baby!..Oh, my god....everyone is growing up!!!
My cousin...graduating one...lol....is the one who went to the green day concert with me...the one who spent many a day with me during the summers...the one who went trick-or-treating with me..and the one who's family came with us on vacations...we sort of grew apart during this time...she became more interested in her art (she's hoping to become an artist...or something..) and I...well, i didn't really have a smooth transition into high school and adolescence....always the outsider and never really feeling a sense of belonging....
Still, i have some many fond...and fun...memories of us when we were younger....going to the fair, going out on the boat, her coming over to my house to go sledding..........i miss it....
I probably should be telling her this, instead of a blank entry screen....maybe i will...
Anyway, the other cousins....we were never as close, mainly because of the age differences...and the fact that one (baby) lived out in Cali until about 5 years ago....
Just thinking about how everyone else seems to have their life in order is sort of depressing...i mean, i have no idea what the hell I'm doing...these questions are constantly being asked...by family, professors, administrators, and I have no real answer for them....i get so angry whe people act like I'm already a hopeless case...that because I don't have any plans for the future automatically makes me a loser!!!!
I am so young....i'm fucking 18!!! Why the fuck should I have the rest of my life planned out???!!! I don't want to have to settle down at the age of 21 with the career that I'm going to have until I'm 50... i want to explore, I want to see the world for what it is, not just the flashes that appear on the 5pm news!! I don't want to be stuck with a baby at 22...i don't think I even want to have kids...does that make me a bad person?!?! I don't think so...I'd rather not contribute to the overpopulation of this country and this world, thank you very much!!!
Ok....calming down....well, its been a lovely chat! :)
