Whew....
Mood: tired
Listening to: Combat Rock-The Clash
Its still ridiculously hot here...we've been having a lot of severe T-storms today, so the drive-ins plan was cancelled...trying for next Fri now....
I was able to go riding in between the storms and I saw the new baby at the stables! She is so cute...and I had a pretty good ride today....did a little jumping, cross country..very productive day!!
There are some nights that I find myself unable to sleep and I end up staring at my ceiling and thinking....just thinking about stuff, my life...sort of contemplating the meaning of it all...and I find myself wondering...does my life even have meaning? If I dropped dead tomorrow, would people even care? I'm sure my family would...but thats it...unless I was killed in some sort of news-worthy event...perhaps by a drunk-driver or a bank robbery (don't ask me why i'm thinking this...) then people would pay attention...
I feel like I don't even matter in this world....I'm an insignificant speck in an ocean of billions....no one really knows who I am....I'm not particulary special...I don't have an obvious talents that set me apart from the rest...all I have is myself and a shitload of CDs....maybe that's it....I don't consider myself to be average...or "normal" as some people would think....
I have a disdain for those who do follow the crowd...who follow the trends and just go along with what everyone is doing....(ah yes...I was so popular in school!!....
)....i pretty much dislike most of the new music...new movies....new fashions...and create my own style.....I love '80s movies, '80s punk, and '90s alternative rock...anything that people think is out of style, I am loving it!! This seems to be the reason why I can't find anyone with my own interests....no one here seems to have them...
I feel lonely a lot of the time...and this is why the times that I do hang out with friends I consider it to be really special.....i'm weird, I know....and this is why when people make plans with me I really get my hopes up and when those plans are cancelled, I get upset....i don't know...this is why I'm not really dependent on other people to keep me entertained.....
I know I'm not what people would consider "typical" and I love that fact about me....I love being different! and now this is starting to sound like an episode of Sesame Street...lol....
I am just me....and I am happy with that :)
