...But The Words Get Confused...
Listening to: Paramore
Continuing on with my letter-writing...
Dear N,
I don't really know where to start. I know that you don't really want to talk to me anymore, so I am putting my feelings down in a letter. Last year was a confusing time for me, I didn't know where I had been or where I was going, and I am sorry that you came in at the wrong time. You were seriously the first guy that paid any attention to me, and I sort of freaked out at the prospect of being in a relationship. I didn't want to be labelled as being "in a relationship," because I was still trying to find out who I was. Truthfully, I am still in the process of doing this. What I really wanted was a friend, someone who would be there for me, but wouldn't be expecting anything more than that. I suppose that I should have stopped everything sooner, before things got out of hand, but I will admit that I liked the fact that someone was thinking about me. I have to be honest here,though, you made me feel like I wasn't capable of being by myself. I mean, you were EVERYWHERE. I couldn't just walk to my car by myself, you had to be walking right next to me. I couldn't go to the library to study by myself, you had to come with me and then proceed to furtively stare at me (don't think that I didn't notice). I didn't like how SUFFOCATED I felt whenever I was with you, or for that matter when I wasn't. Calling me three times in a row, after getting my voice-mail,probably means that I'm not by my phone, it doesn't necessarily mean that I "avoiding" you. Ambushing me as I'm leaving work...also not a good idea. Coming to my house, without an invitation....again, not a good impression. I am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but going to the movies a few times doesn't necessarily constitute a serious relationship. I still want to be friends with you, I think you are a pretty cool guy and we have a lot of common interests (remember Nosferatu?), but I am not going to fit into this constricting ideal of what a "good girlfriend" should be. I can hang out with my friends by myself, I can stay home on a Friday night by myself, I can walk to my classes by myself, and I can drive myself places! I know you think that you are just following the age-old customs of chivalry, but it gets old after a while. I hope that one day you will understand this, and why I told you I didn't like you in THAT way.
~K
