Just Lil' Ole Boring Me

Twilight was amazing

My friends are amazing

My family is amazing

My birthday was amazing

EVERYTHING IS JUST SO DAMNED AMAZING!!!

Listening to: Placebo

I'm Nobody!

Who Are You?

Are You...Nobody...Too?

-a snippit from Emily Dickinson

I do feel like a nobody...actually I feel more like Molly Ringwald in 16 Candles...

I don't know...I just fell like friends are supposed to be happy when its your birthday...they're supposed to take you out to have a fun time...or maybe I've just been watching way too many teen movies...

No one has really mentioned anything, apart from a maybe we'll go to the movies...and I don't want to have to say "Hey let's go out for my birthday"  That sounds sorta deperate, right? Or maybe its just me and my own stupidity...and I am not too delusional to hope for a surprise...because that ONLY happens in the movies

Arg...I waste too much time whining about what I wish would happen... I just don't really want to spend my 20th birthday at home with my parents...don't get me wrong, its nice to spend time with them...but I freakin see them every day...I spend every day sitting in my room...I love going out...it just feels so....normal, I suppose...

Plus I'm sick...my throat is killing me...

O Life! Why do you hate me so?

Thanksgiving Break....extremely brief....and extremely unsatisfying...

Everyone's home...I can't get a moments peace...It's annoying

I have to make pumpkin pie later today...honestly I would much rather just lay in bed until 4 and then go off to work...but apparently I need to be "productive" today...

Productive?? I have been fucking productive since August...I have not had a proper break from school since then...and I have load of class work I need to get done this week...I just wanted ONE day to take a break

Tomorrow's shot because of the holiday...Work's closed but I don't get holiday pay, which means that I will have less money...which makes me cranky

My birthday's on Saturday...hopefully people remember....I think I'm going to go see Twilight with some friends, but they have been known to make plans and then "forget" about them....

I'm going to be 20 years old....

....20 years....

I cannot fathom that...

Oh...

and it's starting again....he thinks he can hide it....but he can't

Nothing is going right today...

1. I've had a mondo headache all day

2. I got a really bad grade on a quiz...apparently I misunderstood the question...

3. I have to redo my resume for co-op....and I seemed to have picked the wrong faculty member to have fill out my recommendation form...because he has yet to do it...and I gave him the sheet 2 fucking weeks ago!...AND there is no record of me attending the required info session, even though I signed in....so ????

4. I just went and spent a lot of money...even though I don't have it

5. An item I sold on ebay came back...I wrote the wrong damn address and now  I have to spend more money to get it expressed shipped

DamnDamnDamnDamn

Tomorrow better be a better day...or I'll just have to scream...

Listening to: A Static Lullaby

OOOOOOOOOk....

So....everything seems to be back to normal here at my loverly abode and I am making some headway in my course assignments....let's take a look, shall we???

Finished: Legal History Paper, Mary Shelley handout and PowerPoint, my resume (which is painfully and embarassingly short and uninteresting)

Working on: finished page 4 of my 15 page research paper for poli sci class...still plugging away at Brigham Young (damn you and your Deseret paradise!)

Haven't Started: English research paper...studying for finals (which are in about 2 weeks AH!)

Plus I've made an appointment to see my co-op counsler-lady for next Monday...I'm a little nervou about this whole next step in my life....but hopefully it will be painless...

Well...back to the paper....my family must think I am insane, since I'm basically talking my way through the paper...dictating to myself what to type and also giving myself constructive criticism at the same time....oh well....

Listening to: A Static Lullaby

You are mad at how your life turned out

Don't take it out on me

20 years of anger have been simmering inside you

I don't deserve the brunt of it

You scream at me

You're only making me want out faster

I want to get out of here

I can't take it anymore

Find someone else to vent your rage on

Not your daughter...

Listening to: The Gaslight Anthem

I am feeling pretty good today...slowly but surely the weight of school assignments are being lifted off of my shoulders...plus other good things are a'happenin' too

Finished: 1. english writing assignment for this week 2. scholar essay!! 3. gave recommendation form to boss for them to fill out for me 4. preliminary research for one of the history papers due soon 4. written portion of my presentation on Mary Shelley for another history class

Unfinished: (writing of) 1. History paper on Brigham Young and the founding of Utah 2. English paper on John Cheever's The Enormous Radio 3. Powerpoint presentation on Mary Shelley for European History 4. Poli Sci paper on the war powers of Lincoln and Roosevelt 5. History paper on S.C. cases dealing with violation of civil liberties and civil rights during wartime 6. my resume for the internship program...(completion of) 1. faculty recommendation form 2. required job interview workshop for said internship program...(research) 1. all above papers...yikes!!!

To Do This Week: 1. drop off recommendation form to professor  2. complete require interview workshop on Wednesday 3. drop off scholar essay  4. research in on-campus library this morning before class, tonight before coming home, Thursday morning before class

Other Good Things: 1. SATURDAY!! Hanging out with friends...going to dinner to celebrate everyone's birthday (including my own...Nov.29th!!), going bowling, and then going to see a late movie...CaNnOt WaIt!!! 2. worked extra hours this week= good paycheck to buy people's Christmas presents...and/or a treat for myself ( oil change for the car haha)

Less than four weeks left in this semester....where the hell did the time go?!

So....yeah....I am pretty busy this week...

Where should I start?

That damn English presentation was the death of me!

I really dislike that class!

I mean, I am not majoring in English...I just took this class in order to be considered a full-time student. I don't do well when i have to present...my mind almost always goes blank...I lose my focus...and I never get it back...

I am a history major...that's what I am most passionate about....plop me down and let me talk about that and I could go on for hours...but when I have to discuss and analyze stories, i never say the right thing...I never perceive them in the way that everyone else sees it...

And the thing that really, really pissed me off was how the other students in the class were talking to me as if I was mentally challenged...even the professor was talking in that voice you reserve for children...

I am the youngest in the class...big deal

That does not mean I am any less capable than you!

Ugh...what a crappy start to this week....

Listening to: The Starting Line

thereissomuchgoingonrightnowthatidon'tthinkthatmybrainhasyettofullyprocessit...

i have:

english presentation due mon...FINISHED

english research paper due in a few weeks...HAVE  started prep

history presentation on Nov.20...HAVE NOT done anything yet

history paper due Nov. 25...FINISHED

history research paper due Dec. 8...nothin' done

history paper due...I can't remember...once again...very little prep done

poli sci research paper...20 damn pages long!! Haven't started AT ALL...due Nov....something

Essay and Application for Scholar award...due Nov 14....haven't started!!!

Application for internship....haven't completed...but that's not due for a while

Everything happening so fast all my assignments are coming up...I've been sorta offered a part-time job doing research for one of my profs...course registration is this coming week....I have a co-op info meeting to go to on Tues...etc.....etc....etc

I have to stop procrastinating...but I feel like I'm the only one who has all this stuff to do...its like none of my friends have this many assignments....they are always wanting to go out....I feel like I have to go....so then I end up doing all of my stuff at about midnight...and then end up having to go back a redo practically everything I did because it was completely useless...

what more can I do? i already don't go out on school nights...but I have to work...I need to at least sorta relax on the weekend....but i have to work, again!!! and why shouldn't i get to have some fun? everyone else is doing it.....

I hate going on about how stressed I am...because I know i'm not the only one out there....I guess i just wish I could have the same cavelier approach that the rest of them seem to have when it comes to school...I am upset when I don't get an A...there I said it....you know why? I work my ass off at studying and completing my assignments...I may put everything off until the last minute...but i get it done, fully and completely....