365 times 3
Listening to: Linkin Park
It's amazing that I've been writing this blog for over three years (more or less)...starting from my first entries talking about taking Driver's Ed, going to Green Day concerts, and bemoaning my senior year of high school to the present where I'm describing my discoveries over how much it sucks to grow up, my growing independence from my parents, and, once again, complaining over the work I have to do now that I'm in my junior year of college....
I am constantly finding myself going back and re-reading my old entries and laughing to myself over how stupid I sound....and remembering some good (and not so good) times
Maybe it's not such a good idea to keep looking back on my past, maybe I need to stop analyzing the things that I've already done and start planing for my future....but the truth is that I don't want to move foward....I don't want to grow up...I WANT to go back and re-live the last five years or so....I keep thinking that if I just changed one thing, my life would turn out better...maybe if I allowed myself to let my guard down when i was younger, perhaps my teenage years would have been happier....maybe I would have made more lasting friendships....maybe I would have been able to open up more now if I had been able to years ago because now I can't even make many friends at college
However I realize that I'm actually pretty happy with my life right now...true, I hate going to a school where I still don't know anyone, but the fact is, college isn't the biggest part in my life...I don't see the campus as my home, it's basically a place I go to for a few hours during the week and then I come back to my "real life"...does that even make any sense?
I guess when you think about kids going away to college they sort of have to create this "home away from home" and become this makeshift family while they are at school whereas I already have a home and a family, so I see no need to try and find one on campus. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't depend on anyone at school...I have friends at home so I don't need to have any at school...a lot of the kids there don't even live in this area so, to me, it doesn't make sense to befriend them since I won't even see them much when school's not in session....
I think I'm just excluded from their "family" lifestyle because I don't go through the same experiences as them....I don't know how dorm life is...and I really don't care...I'm not concerned about cafeteria/ res life conditions because I don't use it....all I really care about is finding a parking space and not getting a ticket if I (heaven forbid!) am forced to park in a restricted area because the campus administrators are too close-minded to realize that there is a large portion of the student body who commute to school and require ample parking spaces, yet they are more concerned about building new dorms and decide to actually TAKE AWAY commuter parking spots in order to achieve this....wow what a run-on sentence THAT was...
God, this sounds absolutely horrible....what a whiny whiner I am today...I've completely lost my train of thought....
The point of this was just suppose to be a reflection on how much I've changed in the last three years...and to remember what I've done and to wonder about what I'll be doing in the next three years...and I've just gone off on one of my usual rants....
I give up...
