Just Lil' Ole Boring Me

I am.....

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so......

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BORED......

life is empty....

time has no more meaning....

there is nothing here.....

Listening to: Descendants

My last entry...it was just here...what happened to it?!

I don't know what is going on here....this week has been the strangest...

....not 1, but now 2 kids I graduated with have died....

...I had to work on Tuesday (meaning I had to work with the BOSS!!!)...

and....

......I was called "whitey" by a carload of black guys while waiting in line at the drive up teller at the bank...

Nice...

This has been fun...

Death has always been on my mind....

Not like I'm thinking about how to kill myself....it's more about what happens to you when you die...

This has come up because today in the obit section of the local paper there was this familar picture...someone I RECOGNIZED....

A girl I had gone to high school with....

It's just strange...death is supposed to come to people you don't know...or those who are much, much older...

Knowing that someone my age can die is surreal....thinking about how if I died right now...what would happen to me? What would happen to my family and friends?

I remember when, during senior year, two kids had died in a car crash...one of them I had also known...not very well, but still we had been in classes together...

This same feeling has returned...

I had never really talked to her....I don't think I EVER talked to her...but i definitely knew who she was....though that may have only been one way....she was  one of the more popular people in my high school...though isn't that the way it always goes???

Whenever you she a write up about some tragic teen's death...you always see the phrases... "well-loved by all"...."popular"..."bright"....etc...you never see something like..." no one really knew them"..."loner"...."not very social"....etc...

I'd always wondered that, when I was still in high school, and if I died...even if it wasn't from some freak accident...would there have been a front page headline proclaiming how I was loved by everyone...popular...always surround by friends....would my funeral have been populated members of the school community....???

I highly doubt that...and if it was like that, that would have been a complete fallacy...

Its just weird to see a young face surrounded by pictures of people in their 70s and 80s in the same section...and it just reminds you that she will never get to see those ages....

...and you can only hope that you are able to make it....

Mood: tired
Listening to: Special Needs- Placebo

This semester I have outdone myself....  3.8 GPA!!  Whoo!!!

Oh, I just feel so good about this....I knew that i had worked my ass off...and it just feels great to see it pay off... I was so close to getting 4.0...the B+ and A- kinda ruined that goal...but i still have 4 semesters left...

I don't know why it matters that must whether my grades are perfect or not...I guess that it just sort of makes a difference to me...I remember in high school there was always that one kid who seemed to get the highest grade for the class and they were either one of those super popular, smiley, pretty people or the scary kid who no one talked to....suffice it to say I sort of fell into the middle...

If grading was based on socioeconomic terms...I always was upper middle class...never quite calling the attention of my peers or the teacher...but now in college I'm reaching the top, baby!!!

Maybe i'm just coming off as this egotistical twat...but I like the fact that people are noticing me...yet, I'm also completely terrified at the same time...

Arg...enough with this academic crap...I plan on having a good time this summer...

Now if only I knew how to have fun....

Mood: depressed
Listening to: Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I knew thee well....and I will miss you, my lovely...

We were together for just a sort while, though some days it felt like forever...

You were with me through some tough transitions...graduation and college, and more....I just needed to look at you and everything would be all right...

Ever since I first saw you, I thought we would be together forever...or at least longer than this....

Your antics always made me smile...I loved how when you were agitated or frustrated you would puff yourself up and storm around the place...though I knew that if I just left you alone for a little while, you would be your old self in no time

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that our time was ending, If I had known this, I would have paid more attention to you during these last few days...I think it is partially my fault, maybe if I just checked on you more you would still be here next to me...

You were a good friend, always around to just listen...hardly anyone allows me to just vent out my frustrations without interjecting at some point...

I wish i had taken more pictures, just so I would remember you...

Now when I wake up...you are no longer next to me...I turn to look for you, but you are not there...

Can I move on?

I hope so...

There is an empty space in my heart...and on my dresser

Your tank is empty...your food is still out...I can't bear to put in away...

I'm going to Petco on Thursday....but no Betta will ever replace you...

You were a good fish...

RIP Thaddeus....June 30, 2006-May 18, 2008

Listening to: Anadivine

Mood: pissed off

Everything has been going great...until about 5 minutes ago...

I was forced to get a new credit card from my bank because of securtiy issues they had been having...fine...I went to to the bank to activate my card and update my pin #....supposedly everything is working fine....I come home to update my card info on my ebay page etc...only to find out that the fuckin' card isn't ACTIVATED!!!  and my old card has been deactivated and destroyed, completely useless to me....now my account has been suspended because I don't have an active card on file and I can't even get to my money...........what the fuck!!!!!??????

Now I have to get up early tomorrow and go down to the bank before work to try and straighten every damn thing out.....

This just angers me so....either the guy didn't activate it correctly...though I changed my pin number, so you would think that the card would be activated to do that...or there is some sort of glitch...

i am hoping that maybe it just takes a day to "reboot" itself...so maybe I'll try again tomorrow and everything will be fine...but if not, they will not be seeing a very happy version of me tomorrow morning....  :|

Mood: HAPPY

ALL FINISHED FOR THIS SEMESTER!!

I am walking on air right now....so much weight has been lifted off my shoulders!!