Just Lil' Ole Boring Me

Mood: dark

It never fails...I can't get through anything without embarassing myself just a little bit....

Today I had to go to the academic investiture ceremony at school because I made the deans list and I was accepted as a Ralph Scholar (just an academic award)...in accepting this award, we are given one of those honor cords...and we have to put them on right as we get them on the stage.....my worst nightmare...

Of course when I went up to get mine....as I was putting it over my head...the fucking knot that is on the back of those cords catches my hat (we have to be in academic attire....graduation caps and gowns) and nearly takes it off....URG!!! I heard a titter in the crowd...and I walked as fast as I could off the stage...my face is still hot from that...and my skin was already breaking out....so....not a fun day....

I always get so nervous...I can't stand in front of large crowds....even before I was called up there...my heart starts pounding so loud, my head feels like its going to explode....my hands get numb...and, like I said before, my skin breaks out...my shirt was a v-neck....and I could see this big red blotches beginning....oh...my....god....

I am just glad its over....

Listening to: Alkaline Trio

I wonder why my last entry didn't show up?....oh, well....

Something happend today in one of my classes that really sort of put a damper on the rest of the day...or at least sort of pissed me off for a little while...I won't give them the satisfaction of ruining my WHOLE day...

It was just my European History class...nothing really going on except discussion on the assignment, when the professor ( and i use that term loosely since he's not that much older than me....maybe late twenties....) starting talking about something and somehow the conversation turned to the topic of the so-called "emo kids"

I don't consider myself to be the stereotypical "emo"....and personally I hate that term and thinks its really derogatory and is just used on kids who aren't like everyone else (or something to that effect...)...but I do sort of sport the oh-so-trendy bangs over the eye ( or at least I try to depending on whether my hair cooperates or not...)...I also listen to a lot of the music that seems to be what we emo kids listen to (or so I've been told)...my wardrobe is a mix of everything from punk to preppy...so thats not really a giveaway...

Anyway...i feel like I'm losing the topic here...so...he made a snide remark, some wrist cutting gestures...and the class sort of erupts into this discussion about how weird....mean....dark...and loserish (not a real word, i know) the emos are....

I really feel offended....plus, he sort of was looking at me when he quickly put it out there that he "doesn't want to offend any emo kids who may be in this class..."...maybe its just my imagination.....but should I feel so put out like I did today?

I don't think of myself as a dark person...I know I'm not one of the shiny, pretty, happy people that seem to be floating around this damn campus everyday....and I have a pretty cynical view of the world....but I don't wish to kill myself...or cut myself....or anything like that....I like to listen to music that means something to me...that I can relate to...that has EMOtion (HA! thats all that the term means anyway....)...SO WHAT??

Why does that automatically make me a bad person....i didn't do anything to those people and they go and basically make fun of me....while I'm sitting in the same room....I don't care if people talk about me behind my back...but I would rather not have to hear it....

Emo is not a life style...its not even a clothing/fashion style (though it has become something like that unfortunately....)....what it really means, to me, is just that you are human enough to feel emotions...to feel pain, sorrow....these emotions are what make you a human being...they are what make you ALIVE

Maybe us "emo kids" are the only ones out there who are really alive....

i have to make this quick, since I have to go to work in about 15min...

the weather is insane...but not bad enough to have the entire campus closed for the day...technically, I should have just gotten out of class about 20min ago...but instead I've been in my pjs watching 7th heaven all day  :)

the campus didn't open untill 11 this morning...and since i only have one class after 11, I didn't see the point in driving all the way down there in the pouring rain, icy roads, and possibly into an poorly plowed parking lot...only to have my clothes and books soaked while trying to run to the one class of the day which isn't even an hour long...so i didn't...but i still have to wade through the 3 inches of water this is now covering our sidewalk and driveway....yay

Crap....now I'm going to be late....maybe I can just blame the weather!!

ok...right now I am staring at an assignment sheet for my geography class...since I don't really know what i want to write for the question, i'm going to use my trusty blog to sort of "sort" out my response....

Give your assessment of the 2008 U.S. Presidential race. (part 1)

hmm...to tell the truth, i really haven't given it too much thought, I've already decided that i'm not going to vote in it because I see it as a complete waste of time and effort on my part....even though its every american's "duty" to vote, I see it as a meaningless event that is really more there for show than anything else....

the president is chosen by a group of electors in each state's electoral college....it has very little to do with the actual popular vote...a fact that I can't seem to get through my mother's head (she always believed the popular vote was what decided the winner!! I could not believe it....). Besides, I feel that all of the candidates are rich, pompous asses who really do not want to benefit this country through their decisions, but really just want the so-called power and prestige that comes from holding this governmental position....

obviously I'm not going to write this as my response...my professor seems like the kind of person who would find this type of talk blasphamy (sp?)

so...i think I'll just write....the presidential races seems to be about the hot issues of the day...and the candidates seem to spend more time disagreeing with their opponents rather than going to the people ("real" people, not just plants in  a televised "town-meeting....)...blah,blah,blah

all right...now to the second part....why is this an important issue for the whole world?

easy peasy....because the U.S. is really the world's only superpower at this present time...the world economy is tied into our economy and whomever hold the position as leader of this country has enormous pull in world affairs....

that's it....