Just Lil' Ole Boring Me

Listening to: Distillers

well....this week of school is almost finished....and it really wasn't that bad, my classes are pretty boring, unfortunately....

one thing that i have noticed is that the parking situation at my school is absolutely ridiculous! i don't know if its because more people are commuting or what, but I have yet to get a parking space that is anywhere remotely near the main campus buildings...I'm out in no man's land toward the edge of campus, and the distance to my classes is becoming longer every day....

i'm coming at around the same time as last year, maybe a little bit earlier or later, depending on the day....but I don't ever remember having to park so far away....this stupid school spent millions on building a new "technology" center and wing onto the main building, and more dorms and didn't think to build more parking...since they obviously can hold more students....i don't get it....

by the way, this new section of the school looks more like a mall than a school....i mean, there's a coffee cart and all of these futuristic-looking furnishings...weird...i feel like its not even the same school...i don't really like the new look...its lost a lot of its "small school" feel and charm.....

i won't even get to use any of the new classrooms...since its basically computer and science labs....i already took those kinds of classes last year, and I fufilled all of those requirements....that sucks...i had to pay an extra 2,000 bucks in tuition and I won't even get to enjoy it....

what a scam this whole college-thing is!!!

anyway, i guess i'll talk about my classes....MWF i only have 2 classes....History of Western Europe (which so far...I feel like I've already done all of this in high school) and American Authors...the professor is about 100 years old and talks in this high-pitched voice, but he's pretty interesting....these classes don't seem to be that bad....

Tues and Thurs i have three classes, and a long break in between....American Gov, which I already took in high school, an AP course....and I didn't score high enough on the exam to get college credit for, which is total crap...my grade in that class was in the 90s....the AP test is a waste of time in my opinion...though I could just be bitter about it...lol...anyway, my fav. professor is teaching this course, so it should be entertaining...after that I have Intro to World Religions....since, for some reason, I chose to go to a rather religious school....I have to take at least one religion course...so this one at least explores different ones....(personally I consider myself to be agnostic, and i could tell that a lot of the people in my class don't look too fondly on it, or maybe they just didn't understand....whatever...)....lastly I have Social and Political Philosophy....uggg....the professor has a very heavy accent, the book is completely confusing me already, and the final prject is going to be a bitch!! no fun in this course....though the prof seems to be very funny, when I can understand what he's saying.... :P

that's it! need to go finish packing for my trip....

Mood: tired

Today is officially the last day of summer for me... school starts up again tomorrow

:(

Unfortunately, the idiots at the school decided to ruin my last day of freedom by making it mandatory for all returning students to go down to the campus and "complete enrollment"... this just seemed like a total waste of time...all that we got were new stickers to put on our ID cards, a new car sticker (commuters), and the pile of pamphlets that are exactly the same as last years...I guess they will have to go into the drawer with the rest of the crap that they gave us....everything that I got today could have been mailed home during the long summer break...

I'm cranky, I guess.... lol

Today wasn't completely wasted, I did get to go to the county fair after the whole school ordeal, and that was pretty fun...I love going there, nothing ever changes and thats just the way I like it!!!

Labor Day is next weekend, and we do have off on Mon. so my family and I are taking a mini-vacation up to the mountains to go to the cabin we have up there.... I'm so excited!! I haven't gone up there in over a year, mainly because of conflicts (school and work).....(see? growing up totally sucks!!!)....some of my most fondest childhood memories are from being up there...its always so peaceful and relaxing....and I guess it will be a great place to do my homework....

Well, wish me luck on my first day back...I have a feeling this is going to be a very long year...

Mood: bored
Listening to: Manson

I have been invited to join the "Society"....ooh, top secret! or is it perhaps pop secret? I've been having these weird cravings for popcorn...lol...ok, ANYWAY...

Its the National Society of Leadership and Success, called Sigma Alpha Pi....in layman's terms, this means that I've been invited to join the honor society because of my grades...whoo hoo...???

I'm considering joining, but its a whole process and you have to meet certain requirements, PARTICIPATE in meetings and events, and pay 65 bucks to just be considered for a full membership....is this worth it? I don't have anything to prove to these people, who don't know anything about me....if they did, they would realize that "leadership" is definitely not one of my strengths...

In this letter I received it states that being a member of the society has many perks...job advantages...."networking" possibilities (god, how I hate that term...networking....its sounds so pretentious to me...), plus I'll have access to "success" coaches...yay for me....

I don't think I feel like doing this....but, I do need to start thinking about my future...right??

I mean, its what i'm supposed to be doing while im in college....right??

I should be figuring everything out for myself....RIGHT?????

I still feel like a kid here....i don't want to be burdened by these thought of growing up?!?!? I want to be young forever!!!! I want to experience youth before I have to go suffocate in an office somewhere....I feel like I haven't had any real FUN....like I have been sitting alone in my room for the last 18 years....hiding in the shadows...

Of course, this is EXACTLY what I've been doing....I haven't gone to any parties....never have taken a drink....never smoked ANYTHING (which i still don't plan on doing)....I've been so fucking sheltered...and it was totally my choice...I hid from anyone who showed a bit of interest in me....I ignored those who wished to talk to me...

Why did I waste my life? Why did I do this to myself?... and now I have to suffer the consequences....loneliness and anger

Fuck this...and fuck the "society"....this is all just bullshit...

Listening to: Placebo- A Friend in Need :)

Wow...i need to calm down a little....my last entry was a little paranoid sounding...

I'm already starting to stress out about school....my tuition is due, I just finished up going through all of this paperwork bullshit in order to take out a loan to PAY for school...the book store now has all my money from the ridiculous prices of textbooks...i still haven't gotten the rest of my supplies....i've been invited to one of the honor societies at school (Sigma...something...) and I'm really considering doing it this time (I was invited last year, but I didn't want to do it in my freshmen year)....and I am not looking foward to all of the work that I have ahead of me....

I'm starting to question if this whole college thing will be worth it...a piece of paper will suddenly open up all of these doors??? does it really work that way???

When I leave that school in 3 years, I will be in debt up to my eyeballs....with probably few job prospects (I had to be the one who wanted to study history...but not actally teach it)...i will have to move out of my parents house....get a real job (can't work at the pharmacy forever)..............I feel it would be more prudent to just end it now while I still have a chance....

LIFE SUCKS!!!

Mood: depressed
Listening to: Nirvana

Maybe its just a reaction to listening to a lot of Nirvana songs....but......

Why am I such a fucking social recluse?!?!?!?!?!

Tonight I went to a small party for some of my coworkers who were leaving for college....ok....sounded like fun, and I pretty much went because one of my friends was going as well....

What do I do while I'm there? NOTHING!!! not a single conversational thought came into my stupid head the entire time!!!!!! I pretty much just leaned against the wall the whole time and laughed when someone said something funny.....I am so socially awkward....and now I feel like such an idiot   

FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!

I wish that made me feel better.....but, it doesn't.... :(