Just Lil' Ole Boring Me

1. Leaving for vacation in less than 12 hours...

2. Booked my  October flight to Florida after work today...pretty fucking expensive but I think it will be worth it

3. I need to pack now...

Gone For Two Whole Weeks!!!!  WHOOOOO!!!

2 days!!

I am so close....

TIME!!  MOVE FASTER!!!

Listening to: Flobots

Almost vacation-time!  Whoo!

I can make it three more days, right????

I'm in a pretty good mood...there's just a few little annoyances that prevent me from being in a GREAT mood.....

Listening to: The Kooks

Nothing ruins the summer mood more than looking up the textbook requirements for your fall classes....

Oh my god...looking at how much the campus book store is charging....absolutely ridiculous!!

All of my profs except one have put up their lists...which always annoys me...why do they wait until the last minute? especially when this school doesn't ever seem to have a lot of used versions and I end up having to buy a brand-fuckin'-new copy for twice the price. Its also always the class that I end up never actually using the text....

However, the silver lining behind the cloud: I found every single book (so far) on ebay for a whole lot cheaper....one text that would have cost me 65 bucks I found for only .75 cents!! I wonder if its even the right one....but I guess I'll just have to wait and see....

I feel like there's so many things tugging at me....things that require money....my upcoming vacation....tuition and textbooks....my Oct. trip to Florida...the impending death of my wallet due to the fact that I'm going to have to start driving to school every day again....AHH!!! I have to start saving more!!!

Listening to: LostProphets

I really wish i could win the lottery...why does everything have to be so goddamn expensive?!?!?

I'm trying to plan a trip to Florida for the fall to visit a friend who is going to school down there...the flights are so expensive!!

Seriously? $250 to take a 2 1/2 hour flight? WHAT THE HELL?

Listening to: Alkaline Trio

Today I went to the supermarket...

I saw the most amazing cake in the bakery section...

Have you ever seen a cake that just makes you want to just smush your face in it...just for the sheer joy of it?

That is what I saw...it was CALLING to me...

It was a ridiculous neon blue and yellow color...it just looked so lush...I wanted it so bad....It was almost like I was lusting after it, as crazy as that sounds....

It's like you desire something...but you know that when you finally get it, it won't be as good as you thought that it would be...I guess there are a lot of things that could fall into this category, but right now the CAKE was all that I wanted

Cake...fucking cake....what is wrong with me?

I have more emotional attachment to a fucking desert than anything else....

Listening to: Avril Lavigne

ok...all other plans for today have fallen through....no waterpark/theme park/ aquarium/ or even a train ride down to the city appealed to a certain *someone*...so everyone's coming over to my house...  :::sigh::: god, there's nothing to do here!!!

In order to fulfill my wish to at least leave the state for a little while....we're going over state lines in order to buy some fireworks....well, not real ones, but we want to at least get some sparklers....or something that is pretty and colorful...at least I can pretend I left this shitty place for a little while....however people are coming back to my place....and probably will just end up watching TV for the rest of this goddamn day....

I can't even describe how mad i was yesterday when *someone* decided they just didn't want to go to the waterpark that we had being planning on going to for a few weeks....all I'll say is that their excuses were lame...and that they are just so used to whining for a while and getting what they want...I just didn't have any more energy to argue any more so....I caved and invited people over for a BBQ and to go swimming....

Now...I must stay positive and tell myself that it will be fun today.....luckily I had just cleaned my room...or i would have been greatly embarrassed....

Listening to: Alkaline Trio

Treated myself to a brand-new CD yesterday....on the day it actually came out into stores....whoa, I'm crazy!!! :)

Agony and Irony by Alkaline Trio....I like it quite a bit, though I was a little upset that they changed their sound a little bit....contrary to popular belief I actually liked their more "moody" albums (Crimson, Good Mourning)....though I'm not saying that this new CD is shit...the first four songs are the best, in my opinion...while the rest of the album is.....corny (I suppose that's the best word for it....)

I've also really gotten into the music of Charlotte Sometimes....she just sent out her debut album Waves and the Both of Us....

Her stuff is certainly a lot different from what i usually listen to...but I guess maybe my tastes are changing...just a little though....it's funny to think that I've gone from hardcore shit like Poison the Well to the pretty voices of Kate Nash and Charlotte Sometimes....in fact there was a time when I absolutely hated female singers (their voices...not personally  haha)...but now I really like listening to female fronted bands such as No Doubt, Flyleaf, Paramore, the Distillers (well....), 1997, Garbage...etc...

Its funny how people can changes....I went from being a 10 yr old who absolutely loved the Spice Girls, Britney Spears, all the freakin' boy bands that were around in '97-'98....to the 12 yr old who was obsessed with blink-182, Green Day, Sum 41, Good Charlotte, etc...moving ahead to the 15 yr old who would only listen to LostProphets and Weezer...16 yrs was Green Day all over again....17yrs Bad Religion and other '80s punk rockers, plus I discovered the wonders of the so-called "emo" rock.....18yrs- present I feel like I'm forever going to be stuck in the era of '90s alternative rock....plus all the pop-punk that I "refused" to listen to when I was a mere child of 13  (I already caught the hypocrisy here.... )

I don't know why people feel they need to define themselves by the music they listen to....I know that in high school its just so darn important to hang with people who look, think, and listen to the same music as you...but even after you find this to be sorta true....many of my friends think that my music taste is weird...i sort of freaked them out when they got into my car and i had forgotten that i had been blasting Poison the Well before.....suffice to say they were put off by the sound that assaulted their ears when i turned the ignition

It doesn't really bother me....but i always feel that i need to be careful with what music I listen to when its my turn to drive....its like they don't think that i should listen to what i do because of how i look....its stupid, really....

Well...I suppose that people can be stupid...even if they don't realize it...

Listening to: No Doubt

I'm tired of making plans and having them cancelled....

I'm tired of people being so cautious....

I'm tired of lame excuses....

I'm just plain tired....

Why do I always feel like I gave to practically beg people to hang out with me...its like we make plans....someone decides that maybe we shouldn't go...and I always try and convince them otherwise...

I know I'm not very good at hiding disappointment....but why can't people just take a fuckin' chance....????

"Oh...it'll be too crowded...."

So what? Its fucking summer...everyplace is crowded.....

I was planning on being out of the house for  an entire DAY...I made sure my schedule was going to be clear...preparations were already fucking made!

ARG....I hate everyone right now...so I should probably stop writing this and cool off for a second or two....

WHY THE FUCK DON'T MY ENTRIES APPEAR!!!!!??????

 

edit: the one below is what I was complaining about....oops  :P

Listening to: 99 Red Balloons

Waaaaaaaaaaalllll-E!!

My new catchphrase is now complete....

the movie on Friday was ok...not one of pixar's best. but it was definitely a cute story and held hidden messages about obesity and the dangers of relying too much on machinery...ah, now that's kid-friendly fare....

After work today I finally dragged myself down to the department store to get myself a swimsuit that I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen in while in the eyes of the public...after what seemed like an ETERNITY (actually about an hour) I finally found something that was comfortable and conservative enough that wouldn't have me constantly worrying about flashing some poor unsuspecting soul at the waterpark...what I really was just going to do was buy a pair of guys board shorts and try and find a nice tankini top that matched....well, I found a nice pair of trunks that i liked, even though i got some weird stares while I was perusing that men's section...perhaps it didn't help that I kept walking up to the mirror that was there and holding the shorts up to see how long they were on me...maybe they thought i had a boyfriend of similar-sized proportions....hah!

The top was the problem...and the fact that nothing was where it was supposed to be in this stupid store...I found one that I really liked and matched well with the bottoms...but i couldn't find the right size...and I searched every single rack twice over...that made me so mad!!

Eventually I found those swim bottoms that looked like shorts and a top that sorta matched....and I got out of there as fast as I could after that....40 bucks for a friggin' swim suit....

Fourth of July festivities are coming up soon...I hope to be going to a water/theme park with some friends...hence the need for some appropriate swimming attire..plus I'm going to the shore for a part of my family's vacation and I gots to look good for the dudes, yo!!...yeah.....right....I'm sure I look super sexy hanging out with my mother and father on the beach.....oh yeah!! 

ah summer....stop going by so fast....

Listening to: Aiden

Seriously, what's up with that title?

I really have nothing to do while i wait until 3 so i can go to my dentist appointment....one that has been cancelled and changed so many times in just a week...

I'm really missing the stucture of school and (don't tell anybody) I sorta can't wait for the fall semester to start....last fall was kinda weird for me, awkward is probably the better word to describe it....and I want to have a good one this year...plus my 20th birthday is in the fall and I can't wait for that  :)

I miss writing papers....I miss putting in the research-time....I miss spending the whole day trying to stretch out 3 pages worth of information into 8 by adding long words from my trusty thesaurus...I miss checking out books from the library a whole month before i even have to start THINKING about writing the paper and letting them sit on my desk for that entire month, the whole time having to renew them several times, just so that i can tell myself that I'm being a good girl for working on my papers early....

I miss walking around campus with my headphones in, my arms full of textbooks, my coat and scarf wrapped around me, and breezing past the visiting high school kids nervously walking around during the visitors weeks...I know I was once one of them myself, but I like feeling grown-up  :P

I miss my bangs....during the school-year i like to grow them out and use them as "blinders" so I can concentrate on my work.....though it probably doesn't help with my social interaction.....hmmm...

I miss driving down to school every morning, my thermos full of hot coffee, my tunes blasting as I cruise down the interstate...though I suppose if gas hits 6 bucks a gallon I'm not going to like that as much anymore....55 to stay alive...and save gas

I even miss the first day of class when everyone sits in the seat that, according to the unwritten laws of college classrooms, will be their assigned seat for the rest of the semester even though the professor rarely takes attendance, thus not requiring assigned seating.....and people avoid sitting near me....thereby leaving what I like to call the circle of seclusion: the desks to the left and right, front and behind are empty until those bad apples who show up late are forced to sit near my presence.... :/

Whatevs....

No crazy city today...what else is new???

Looked up my tuition for school today....really just wanted to get an idea about how much I was going to have to take out and my eyes popped out of their sockets....this fucking school has raised tuition $2000!!!!!!!!! I am completely flabbergasted.....while I did receive a letter a month or so ago stating how they were only going to raise the price $35 per credit....making it approx. 100 per class (since most classes count for 3 credits) making it roughly $500 more a semester (since i have to take 15 credits or 5 classes to be considered to full-time student)..now i'm a bit confused as to where the additional $1000 come from....

There was absolutely no mention of a raise this much...the damn letter was a load of crap...and i'm not going to take this much longer...

For the fall semester of 2008, my junior year in college...

My tuition has increased....

The price of my textbooks has increased...

Gas price increases are ruining my commute....

My current job is ending at the end of the summer....and no one is hiring right now so i can't even try and establish new employment before the new school year...

I

Am

Screwed

Listening to: Jimmy Eat World

Since apparently I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night I'm now going to re-hash what I've done this week...

Monday:worked

Tuesday:watched movies

Wednesday:worked

Thursday:worked

Friday:went to book sale and bought a shit-load of entirely random books that I doubt I'll actually go through...just because I could

Saturday (today):worked

Sunday (tomorrow):working....hey! I can see into the future...I always believe in futures...

Actually I may be having some actual fun tomorrow, right after getting through six mind-numbing hours at work....ah, just thinking about it sorta pisses me off...there's this new place at the mall called "crazy city"....wait maybe its "party city"...."crazytown"??...well, I don't actually remember the name of it...but its this completely indoor theme park of sorts...supposedly there's ton of rides, games, mini-golf...tons of crap like that....and I think we may go there after work...or maybe we'll just go to the movies....ANYTHING would be fine with me...I have got to get out of this house....I haven't been anywhere this week except home and work....

Well, that's not actually true...yesterday I did visit the FDR house and library...i love living so close to it, however since none of my friends really want to go there, I have to wait until one of my parents has off in order to drg them down there....I would go there by myself....but i think that would just look a little sad...maybe that's just me...

going there made me realize how much historical information I have crammed into my brain.....the entire time I was there I was acting like this tourguide-on-crack...on every god-damn exhibit I was explaining its historical significance to my mother...now she probably thinks i'm insane...like for the section that dealt with FDR's involvement in the Great Depression era I was going on and on about how the American markets were affected by the world-wide depression that had occured during the 1920s...how American isolationism  wouldn't protect the economy forever....the appearance of so-called "Hoovervilles"....blah,blah,blah....oh man...I do this all the time....

i don't know if I'm coming off as just intelligent and knowledgeable...or if I just sound like a complete asshole....

Listening to: Bayside

It is 95 degrees outside...and 84 degrees at my computer desk...I've got three fans simultaneously "cooling" the room down, but to no avail...well, I should say i HAD three fans, since one broke last night ...the only room that has AC is downstairs...I should be there...

I hate this weather....I have trouble breathing...my lungs hurt whenever I go outside...yuck

Break is going by so fast, school's been done for over a month...I only have two months left! Well, that sounds like a lot, but this month's just flying by....arg

I've been reading...since schools ended I've read....um....::counts::: 9 books, several of which have been fairly long...about 500 pgs or more...I've gained my love of reading back! It feels so great to just spend a day lounging around on my bed or outside in the hammock...on my good days I can clear almost 150 pages...

I don't know...I'm feeling a little lost...maybe this is the time in my college career when I start to doubt my motivations for studying what i'm studying...I think about what i would LIKE to do....what my parents say I SHOULD do....what I WANT to do....it's all ending up like a gigantic whirlpool swirling around in my head...around and around and around...

Stuff is happening....things are changing....

My job probably won't be around much longer...I've been hearing we're closing in Sept......or Dec....or Jan....nothing is concrete, I suppose....I do not want to start at a new place...I do not want to work in retail anymore, and that's all there is around here....internships for my career wouldn't pay anything...and I need money just to be able to get to school...

One of my best friends is leaving to go to school in Florida...I want to try and visit during the school year...but if i have a new job i probably won't be able to get any time off...I feel like we'll never see each other again...or that she'll change and nothing will be the same....

This is the last summer of innocence....it feels like it....this is the last summer of family vacations....drive-in movies....county fairs....concerts....theme parks....trips to NYC....sleep-overs....like this time next year we'll have all aged 10 years and not even recognize each other anymore...

I want to bottle up this summer....and make it last for as long as I can

I am.....

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so......

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BORED......

life is empty....

time has no more meaning....

there is nothing here.....

Listening to: Descendants

My last entry...it was just here...what happened to it?!

I don't know what is going on here....this week has been the strangest...

....not 1, but now 2 kids I graduated with have died....

...I had to work on Tuesday (meaning I had to work with the BOSS!!!)...

and....

......I was called "whitey" by a carload of black guys while waiting in line at the drive up teller at the bank...

Nice...

This has been fun...

Death has always been on my mind....

Not like I'm thinking about how to kill myself....it's more about what happens to you when you die...

This has come up because today in the obit section of the local paper there was this familar picture...someone I RECOGNIZED....

A girl I had gone to high school with....

It's just strange...death is supposed to come to people you don't know...or those who are much, much older...

Knowing that someone my age can die is surreal....thinking about how if I died right now...what would happen to me? What would happen to my family and friends?

I remember when, during senior year, two kids had died in a car crash...one of them I had also known...not very well, but still we had been in classes together...

This same feeling has returned...

I had never really talked to her....I don't think I EVER talked to her...but i definitely knew who she was....though that may have only been one way....she was  one of the more popular people in my high school...though isn't that the way it always goes???

Whenever you she a write up about some tragic teen's death...you always see the phrases... "well-loved by all"...."popular"..."bright"....etc...you never see something like..." no one really knew them"..."loner"...."not very social"....etc...

I'd always wondered that, when I was still in high school, and if I died...even if it wasn't from some freak accident...would there have been a front page headline proclaiming how I was loved by everyone...popular...always surround by friends....would my funeral have been populated members of the school community....???

I highly doubt that...and if it was like that, that would have been a complete fallacy...

Its just weird to see a young face surrounded by pictures of people in their 70s and 80s in the same section...and it just reminds you that she will never get to see those ages....

...and you can only hope that you are able to make it....

Mood: tired
Listening to: Special Needs- Placebo

This semester I have outdone myself....  3.8 GPA!!  Whoo!!!

Oh, I just feel so good about this....I knew that i had worked my ass off...and it just feels great to see it pay off... I was so close to getting 4.0...the B+ and A- kinda ruined that goal...but i still have 4 semesters left...

I don't know why it matters that must whether my grades are perfect or not...I guess that it just sort of makes a difference to me...I remember in high school there was always that one kid who seemed to get the highest grade for the class and they were either one of those super popular, smiley, pretty people or the scary kid who no one talked to....suffice it to say I sort of fell into the middle...

If grading was based on socioeconomic terms...I always was upper middle class...never quite calling the attention of my peers or the teacher...but now in college I'm reaching the top, baby!!!

Maybe i'm just coming off as this egotistical twat...but I like the fact that people are noticing me...yet, I'm also completely terrified at the same time...

Arg...enough with this academic crap...I plan on having a good time this summer...

Now if only I knew how to have fun....