losing control
Mood: dissapointed.
Listening to: crickets outside
i hope someone around here has read 1984, because i think i've just about mastered doublethink. (it's like you know something, but at the same time you are telling yourself that the opposite is true and that the first thought never existed)
i'll explain what that has to do with me: in the morning i wake up and tell myself i will have breakfast and not eat too much and not certain things. then i go to the kitchen and find something that suits those guidlines (oatmeal), but after i just start looking for something else(cookies). and while i eat the cookies, i am telling myself that i shouldn't be. i'm practically screaming at myself(non-verbally) but i don't even kind of stop eating. doublethink. then later i'm angry at myself and thinking i won't ever do that again while also thinking *there's still 3 muffins i the fridge,and ice cream. which first?*.
in fact, right now as i'm typing this i'm thinking about the chocolate downstairs, but knowing that i shouldn't be thinking about it doesn't change a thing.
the really annoying thing is that i was doing so much better like 2 months ago and if i had kept up with that i would probably 85 pounds by now and happy. and my favorite jeans would fit.
<--- that's a totaly awesome smiley!! weeeeee!
