No Title :(
Mood: Alright. Nothing special to report
Listening to: Nothing. Just the wind blowing & the crickets.
What do I write about I wonder. I am just a woman like any other woman, I'm sure. Trying to find my way in this world with as few scars as I can. I have a lot of scars & I'm only in my 30s. Although I have to say that I wake up most days amazed that I've lived this long. It really does blow my mind at times. I have a family that loves me, a man that has given up most of what he knows & loves for me, & yet I am continuously shocked when any of them say "I love you". My first instinct is to go "No Way! Are you nuts? You can't possibly love me, I am unloveable!". My self esteem is knocked around all the time. I am much too sensitive for my own good & always have been! It is hard being me & yet easy as well. I am so use to being this way that I tend to want to stay like this. Even though it hurts me everyday. Strange, isn't it? I know it isn't good for me to think of myself this way but it is comfortable in it's sameness. Do you understand?
I am a survivor of childhood bullying, sexual abuse, being a "latchkey kid", childhood obesity. I am still dealing with the scars of all of that plus the new ones I've received since I was a teenager. Teenagers....now there's a bitch of a time! I HATED high school with a passion! Probably why I quit when I was 16. Of course, I really quit before that. It was worse than elementary school & trust me that was no pinic for me either!! I was always picked on, treated like garbage, spit on, played nasty tricks on. What is about kids that makes them think that doing anything that will make another child cry is hilarious fun....I have never understood that! I think this is all I will write tonight. It is all I feel like remembering at this time. Good Night Blog. :(
*j*
