http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence In a World where insanity is expected, these are the strange hopeless writting of a thoroughly random, slightly crazy, entirely curious, hopelessly romantic, completely spaztic, occasionally sarcastic, overly enthusiastic,fundemental christian young woman. (Who is also married ^^) My sincere apologies for the odd collection of entries you will find here. en Fiery_Credence Fiery_Credence Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:13:14 +0200 daily 1 I wonder exactly what part of our brain is wired so that we were made to sleep durring the night rather than the day... Right at this point i am wishing i could bypass whatever circuit it is so i could get some sleep!! *Sigh* Working night shift can be a bit of a annoyance at times.    At any rate life goes on (With or without sleep) and at times i find it very hard to keep up. We just finished moving into our new appartment this weekend. Yay!!!! And let me tell you, it has a view and a half! We are very very happy. Especially now that we are free from our old landlord who, i hate to say, seemed to care more about money than anything else.  Where as our new landlord dosen't much care at all! ^^ its so refreshing... hehe and our new landlord is also a very proactive kind of guy. For example: We were having a problem flushing our toilet so we mentioned it to him... The next day he was there with a backhoe digging up the entire septic!! hehe needless to say our toilet is fine now. ^^... Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:13:14 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Life-renovations/28/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Life-renovations/28/ Ahh spring is here! Thoes with cabin fever unite! ahh me, heh, anyway. Yes i have a severe longing for warm sunny days. (although all we seem to be getting is nasty last winter blasts) At any rate here i am begining this journal over again. (I wonder how many of these things i have started over the years...) It must be a spring of new beginings, my husband and i will be moving to a new appartment soon... (I am SO in love with it!), my mom will be graduating from nursing school soon. My hubby is getting his license back and we are being given a brand new toyota tundra. (very manly truck. :) ) And thoes are just a few of the major things going on here in the lives of a simple new hampshire family. heh... Yes but i am currently at my parent's house doing my weekly laundry run, only this time i'm by myself, no hubby to keep me company... not quite as much of a pleasent time, but thats ok. I'll survive! ^^  any way i hope the next few enties will be a bit more enthralling, till then... ... Sat, 14 Apr 2007 21:12:13 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Be-that-as-it-may/27/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Be-that-as-it-may/27/ Well actually i haven't had that chance to settle my issue with the man i care for...we've been too busy to openly talk about anything pertaining to ourselves. So i still have yet to "get it over with" . Perhapes its just as well however. I think this is too my advantage to have time to make sure my emotions are in check so i can face this armed to the teeth with every resource i posses. But how do you look someone in the eye and tell them that you care but nothing can ever happen? Especially when he has said (and i quote) " I would give up anything to be with someone like you." How do you refuse something so precious? I do not take such things for granted, and i want him to know that. But even despite this acute era of winter sunshine in my life. I can still feel the warmth, the glow that resonates out of my being from my quiet soul. It stirs from silent rest to raise eyes to a wolrd full of hope.  God works His miricles from within. Sun, 19 Jun 2005 18:42:58 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/From-within/26/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/From-within/26/ There's a light at each end of this tunnel, You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again If you only try turning around. 2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand. and breathe, just breathe woah breathe, just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe. Depth of soul remains shallow tonight.  As though afraid to reach beyond the surface.. Far too much, far too many, complexities shudder through my blood .  Are you ready to dive into the pool of chaos that is my... Sun, 19 Jun 2005 02:37:33 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Beyond-the-suface/25/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Beyond-the-suface/25/ Well tonight is the night.  I will refuse the man i care for and atempt to go back to my normal life. *sigh* God be with me..... If he so much as trys to argue the point i might lose it..and i might not be able to say no... No.... NO! I have more self-control than that. i know i do. I will simply call upon any and all resources i have to withstand the onslaught that is sure to happen. Then again perhapes he has changed his mind...wouldn't that make my life easier.  Hey i can hope can't i? How easy it is to say i have faith when life is in a state of calm. And how easy it is to hold tight to your conviction when there is nothing atempting to rip it from you. "Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved with civilian affairs--He wants to please his commanding officer."  - 2Timothy 2:3-4 Tue, 14 Jun 2005 03:07:19 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/The-final-battle/24/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/The-final-battle/24/ My love life bites. The rest of my life is just ducky, but that part of it is always in a constant state of turmoil. (oh and please pardon my long absince, sometimes life gets so out of control you can't take the time to spill it out onto the page.) Yes The man in question who i thought was in love with someone else...well...apparently i couldn't have been more wrong.  He cares for me. He cares for me and i can't do anything. i have this chance to be with him and i can't take it. A chance but no hope, A love but no freedom, A choice but no options, Story of my life. He is so amazing, and i am truely honored that he would think so highly of me and want to be with me...but it dosen't take away the fact that he is missing that one vital part.  Faith.  I can't forget that, i can't simply jump in anyway, and i can't ask him to change. I would be selling myself short and it wouldn't be fair to him. (Dear Lord be with me....) I have only one course of action...... Fri, 10 Jun 2005 15:37:10 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Life-is-never-fair/23/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Life-is-never-fair/23/ Well my indulgence has come to a swift and decided end. I had a resounding dose of reality today that has since placed me filrmly on the road leading away from fantasy. *sigh* The man in question has most definately fallen for another girl and that was all my fragile day dream needed to complete its already certain doom.  Well its just as well i suppose. I shouldn't allow my head to be up in the clouds anyway. It needs to be down here in the real world where it will do me some kind of good.  Though i am a bit sad. I will miss the day dreaming... And the dissapointment will be a bit tough for a while...but....Its time to move on and get on with the things that matter...*sigh* Story of my life.... Tue, 26 Apr 2005 14:08:01 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Story-of-my-life/22/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Story-of-my-life/22/ Well i don't know if its insight...i just know myself. I knoaw what it takes to keep me focused on what matters.  Though unfortunately it dosen't alkways work when trying ot battle against infatuation. But... It can't always be a cinch can it? And yeah i am a horrible procrastinator.  At least when it comes to the important things. (go figure!) Like right now: i'm supposed to be cleaning my house before i go pick up my uncle from the bus stantion. oy.... (GIRL GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR! SHEESH! .....) heh...right.... Oh and don't worry ya'll i'll be sure ot keep you updated on me yelling at myself over this confounded guy issue, which i'm sure you could care less about.  hmm....^^ Much love. Fri, 22 Apr 2005 16:18:01 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Lets-shift-this-thing-into-overdrive/21/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Lets-shift-this-thing-into-overdrive/21/ Thank you Nadine for that insight. ^^ One of the reasons i named this blog "simplicity" was for the reminder, so thank you for calling it to my attention. (i of course conviniently forget when i actually NEED to remember!) There are just thoes days that you forget how to keep things simple is all.  But eventually the trick to it is recalled and alls right with the world again. At least for alittle while. Its just thoes occasional horrific days you get caught up in the idea of someone specific being with you that are the most unbearable.  If i never had an actualy face to put with this infatuation with romance it would be so much easier! Its when you actually have someone real in front of you that it gets torturous. I am somewhat more in control now. Not feeling the pull and stress so much. Oh its still there...lurking somewhere deep inside my mind, just out of reach.  Its not prominately obvious but i can feel it.  SoThankfully  i know to be ready when it decides... Wed, 20 Apr 2005 23:53:16 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Survival-more-or-less/20/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Survival-more-or-less/20/ Why can't things just be simple.  You'd think that at least a few things in life might be the least bit uncomplicated.  But i suppose in this case its not as complicated as it seems. Its all a question of "stickin' to yur guns". But yeah tell that to my heart! It seems bound and determined to fall for the guys i can't have. but then....its always been that way every since i was a kid. Well if i handled it then i can handle it now.  Note to Self: DO NOT EVEN LET YOURSELF THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU!!! UNDERSTAND?? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?? PAY ATENTION!!! Anyway it really bites....you find a guy who is charming and sweet and funny and repsectful and all that good stuff....and you can't have him. How tantalizing is that? ahh me...Get over it chica.... Don't compromise yourself. Don't be a contradicion.  Don't let yourself get hung up on this now and then have to tear your heart out later. You know better. Or at least you should by now! God has... Wed, 20 Apr 2005 00:08:55 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Pep-talk/19/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Pep-talk/19/ Is it me or is there major preasure and or urging for girls to get married and just do that? ok well...not from the national standpoint and the media stand point, but from individuals. It seems everywhere i go some guy is hinting to me about marrige and settling down and such. Don't get me wrong i think marrige and being a mother had having a faimly is the greatest hardest thing that women ever do and will ever do. Nothing compares to it and i hold women who do just that in very high esteem. And perhapes someday that will be me...but i honestly don't think so. At least not in the traditional way. I have things that come before that in my priorities. Things that others would never understand, not even in this modern "open minded?" scociety. I guess in a way i want to do it backwards...i want to be a mother first. Or at least a mother figure. wether i get married eventually or not is beside the point. I am still determined to take care of as many kids as i can handle. (in case you were... Fri, 15 Apr 2005 00:38:08 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Priorities/18/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Priorities/18/ Why must people insist on aggravation!? As if life wern't annoying and confusing and stressful enough you have to have some random person making ,what good parts of life there are, miserable! Now i'm not one to complain for the most part. I have spent too many years with the "suck it up and get over it" kind of people. But this is getting ridiculous!  Everywhere i go...He goes. Thankfully its only a couple times a week when we are at the same places. But seriously! He is always RIGHT THERE.  Trying to get my atention, trying ot get inside my head and i simply don't want anything more to do with him! i Don't understand his obbsession! I don't understand his logic(if thats what it can be called...) I don't understand his reasoning i don't understand his emotions and i don't understand why he is STILL trying to be a part of my life. Its been.....4 months since we broke up! 4months! You'd think by now he would take the hint that i'm not too keen on talking to him or spending time with... Mon, 11 Apr 2005 14:29:36 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/This-needs-to-change-and-soon/17/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/This-needs-to-change-and-soon/17/ Thankfully God tends to intervien at just the right moment when i need Him the most.  My week didn't end in yet another disaster, in fact, i'm still reeling from the blessing that just got trown into my lap.  To make the story short, i ended up driving home from car shopping in a 2001 chrysler sebring convertable.  And that i am actualy able to even have this thing sitting in my driveway is still completely outrageous in my mind! Sat, 09 Apr 2005 17:59:47 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/conclusion-not-what-i-expected-at-all/16/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/conclusion-not-what-i-expected-at-all/16/ Ok It has definatly not been my week... Not only did my car break down on the side of the road on my wayhome from work, (and i'm talking D E A D, KACHUNK DEAD!) But at work the very next night i ended up having a close encounter with a door and got my tooth brocken clean off! Just not my week... And on the side, i will miss the movie night with my friends(which I organized!) because i have to go find another car instead. ahh me...nothing is working right this week....I swear if troubles come in threes...my house is going ot burn down. Theres nothings left taht can happen! unless i was to contract food poisoning from bad burger king food and die a horrible death...yeah Someone string me up now... Oh and not only that, because i broke my tooth i had ot have a root cannal and a temporary filler put in that is very fragile...so i can't really touch it at all which means at this point in time i'm sucking life througha  straw and living off cottage cheese. Please just shoot me! no,... Fri, 01 Apr 2005 20:56:03 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/I-m-expecting-it-now/15/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/I-m-expecting-it-now/15/     I am decidedly sure that i was simply born in the wrong time period. I watched the movie Finding Neverland recently.  And for thoes of you who haven't seen it, it tells the story of the life of the author who wrote the play Peter Pan.  Now how watching a simple film could throw me into such a reflective and dreamlike mood i will never know.  But despite being a strange trigger to my emtional wellspring, i found myself starring of into space with tears running down my face, wishing for someone or somewhere that could inspire that deep sense of innocence and wonder that the characters in the story had. (wow that was a really long sentance..)      Perhapes this is the reason the idea of spending my life looking after my own bunch of "lost boys" appeals to me so. To be able to see things through the eyes of children, freed from the bonds of this earth by imagination, and filled with a facination for the simpler things. I look around me at... Sat, 26 Mar 2005 23:48:41 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Whereever-did-i-put-my-time-machine/14/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Whereever-did-i-put-my-time-machine/14/ Yes well, i sometimes fancy myself to be some kind of story teller, though what makes me so delusional i will never know! But Anyway here is a pice of a story i am currently getting lost in. Questions of comments are, of course, always apreciated and welcome.  Indulge me wont you? *smiles* Lived with rage, he began beating her with a wooden pronged stick. She cowered and turned her face to the wall, leaving her back to take the brunt of the assault. Suddenly the door of the cell burst open. A tall regally clad man of obvious authority entered, his voice echoing off the walls. "Greeval!" He lunged, sending the stick spinning across the floor. Then grasping the smaller man by the throat, he raised him up off the floor till they were eye to eye. "You vile conspicuous worm, how dare you assume authority over the woman! Did you honestly think i wouldn't hear of it?" The only sound of reply heard from the captured was a rasping croak as he clawed at the hand... Sat, 26 Mar 2005 23:11:04 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/sad-atemps-at-being-a-writer/13/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/sad-atemps-at-being-a-writer/13/ Well I had alovely start to a sunday morning. Went out to shovel the mounds of snow from the driveway before church only to discover a nearby tree had seen fit to fall on our car...so considerate of it don't cha think? ^_^ Thankfully we got it taken care of , but the tree managed to take out our driver side mirror quite nicely. *sigh* I swear my family has some kind of issue with keeping cars running propperly... ANYWAY, I was kind of odd and difficult today. I went and sent messages to all sorts of people who i haven't talked to in a very long time. Some of them for years...I'm sure they must think i'm crazy or they don't remember me at all ...Oh well if i succeeded in embaressing myself mad props to me! I'm not to worried about it. Its good to embaress one's self every so often. ^^ Keep you humble and gives you good stories to tell. Sun, 13 Mar 2005 20:41:56 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Drat-you-weather-man/12/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Drat-you-weather-man/12/ *dances around the room* Woo do da mambo! *ahem* Yeah..you didn't just see that... umm heh... aww i don't much care what anyone thinks! Jump up and down and move it all around Shake your head to the sound Put your hand on the ground Take one step left And one step right One to the front and one to the side Clap your hands once And clap your hands twice And if it looks like this Then you are doing it right! hehe don't mind me i'm just trying to pass the time on a long saturday afternoon.  Being snowed in can get old after the first few days. especially if its happened twice in one week. But as other wise women before have said...Necessity is indeed the mother of invention. ^_^ So i'm sure i'll make it. There is, however, a lovely side to being snowbound that i have discovered. The sheer beauty of looking out your window. How strange that such a simple everyday thing like a typical living room window of wood and glass can change... Sat, 12 Mar 2005 23:05:32 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Follow-me-and-do-as-i-do/11/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Follow-me-and-do-as-i-do/11/ Do you have any idea how much of  a sap i feel right now?  I am now resorting to manipulation and mind games to get my ex-boyfriend to leave me alone.... And that is simply something i DO NOT DO. I am always very up front and honest and usually that works just fine. Unfortunately when dealing with a person who has his own skewed sense of truth....heh...it becomes somewhat more complicated.  All i know is i am soooo tried of this whole ordeal.  I thought we could be friends again but that apparently isn't working. He is still seeing signs from heaven that we're ment to be together. (how am i supposed to argue that???)  Basically its his point of view vs.  mine. Not a good mix for a friendship. He still clings to hope while i am absolutely in bliss that i'm single and not with him anymore.   And we have talked and talked and talked about the situation. It changes nothing.  I get the feeling now that he is pretending to try and be just a friend... Sat, 12 Mar 2005 16:39:24 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Allow-beat-this-into-your-thick-skull-personal/10/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Allow-beat-this-into-your-thick-skull-personal/10/ So what do you think of my new set up for the place?  inviting? bright and chipper? cozy? hehe well perhapes not, but i think it fits ^^ Ok one more..... You are the Spirit of Love. You think around romance and are extremely compassionate. Whenever you want something you can get it due to your fiery passion. You can make friends quite easily, because peopole are attracted to your obvious good nature. You will have no trouble in finding a life partner and will be very happy. Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!) brought to you by Quizilla Ok i'm done now. ^^ Anyway, grrrr i had this huge entry all written out for this morning about how beatiful and bright and inspired i felt and yeah...my computer froze so needless to say...that entry will not be appearing in this blog. *grimace* Oh well you probably arn't missing it. ^^ Have you ever stood among a whole crowd of people you know and been completly alone?... Fri, 11 Mar 2005 22:35:13 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Alone-in-a-crowd/9/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fiery_Credence/Alone-in-a-crowd/9/