Mood: Determined and a little sad
Listening to: I'm with you by Avril
Is it me or is there major preasure and or urging for girls to get
married and just do that? ok well...not from the national standpoint
and the media stand point, but from individuals. It seems everywhere i
go some guy is hinting to me about marrige and settling down and such.
Don't get me wrong i think marrige and being a mother had having a
faimly is the greatest hardest thing that women ever do and will ever
do. Nothing compares to it and i hold women who do just that in very
high esteem. And perhapes someday that will be me...but i honestly
don't think so. At least not in the traditional way. I have things that
come before that in my priorities. Things that others would never
understand, not even in this modern "open minded?" scociety. I guess in
a way i want to do it backwards...i want to be a mother first. Or at
least a mother figure. wether i get married eventually or not is beside
the point. I am still determined to take care of as many kids as i can
handle. (in case you were wondering what i'm talking about, my goal is
to run a privtely run and funded Christian group home.) There are so
many hurting neglected kids out there who have no one. And somehow i
want to be able to give them a home and a family and a place and people
they can depend on. This is a huge project and its not something you
decided to do lightly..its a life long commitment to be a mother to as
many kids as you possibly can. But thats alright. This is what i want.
More than anything. I've seen far too many babies who never had a
chance, grow up to be some seriously messed up people, and all i can
think is...that could have been avoided.... That is my priority. That
is my focus. Whether God sends me a guy who shares the same passion for
this and can be my partner is beside the point. I can do this without
being married. And in fact i'm planning on it. I can't depend on anyone
to feel the same way and want to be commited to this the same way i do.
I just can't expect that.
