http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer en Fatslayer Fatslayer Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:56:00 +0200 daily 1 Please follow the link to here .       Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:56:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/I-ve-moved-to-Blogger/125/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/I-ve-moved-to-Blogger/125/ Well it’s been a while, but instead of trying to fill you all in on what’s been happening with my life, I’ll just carry on as if I haven’t been missing in action for almost a year.   All you really need to know is that I didn’t fall off the wagon as soon as I stopped posting (though one of the wagon’s wheels did get a bit wobbly at one point and nearly derailed the whole shebang). Although other things moved up the priority list and pushed weight concerns further down the list, I didn’t totally lose sight of my health, weight loss and fitness goals, and kept plugging away at them though with perhaps a somewhat reduced intensity.   So, in summary, I still have some way to go to reach my final goal, but I’m over half way there and feeling pretty damn good about my fitness levels. On my better days I even feel that this lifestyle may have already become an ingrained habit - hey, I’m cured - but then on other days I know better. The pit and the... Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:17:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/So-now-let-s-add-moral-degeneracy-to-the-list/124/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/So-now-let-s-add-moral-degeneracy-to-the-list/124/ Today's Weight  166lbs ********* This will be my last entry for a while – maybe my last ever. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I have some pretty drastic lifestyle changes to implement – and there’s no time like the present to have a complete life overhaul. Big changes are afoot, and writing this blog is an indulgence I simply can’t afford at the moment, since other things have elbowed their way up the priority list.   The catalyst for all my recent navel-gazing was the suicide a fortnight ago of my oldest, closest friend. His death hit with the force of a brick wall and stopped me completely in my tracks. He and I have known each other since kindergarten, and the thought of life without him is almost intolerable. I guess that people kill themselves for a whole mixture of reasons, but it seems that his main impetus was the problems that he’d been having at work with a difficult boss and a high pressure schedule. He just gave up on ever thinking... Tue, 02 May 2006 18:07:54 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Reclaiming-the-Wasteland/123/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Reclaiming-the-Wasteland/123/ Today's Weight  169.5lbs ********* Wow, it’s hectic at work at the moment – working 14 hr days with little spare time to write blog entries. Thanks to everyone who commented on my last entry though – it’s reassuring to know that I’m not imagining things or being a paranoid idiot. And I really, really appreciate the kind comments and support!   Fortified by that encouragement, I tackled my colleague about her comments on Monday, and as I expected, she said I was being oversensitive and over-reacting. I was calm and collected, and said that even if it wasn’t her intention to be rude, I found her remarks offensive, and that she should learn to moderate her language and think before she spoke.   Luckily she played into my hands by being immediately hostile – she said I was “ up myself’’, and that by being “ so fat’’ I’d made myself “ fair game’’ for comments and speculation.   I said that these comments... Thu, 13 Apr 2006 20:06:39 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Bitch-Update-and-sad-story-about-woman-and/122/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Bitch-Update-and-sad-story-about-woman-and/122/ Today's Weight  169.5lbs ********* OK, I'm going to rant. One of the women in my office really pissed me off yesterday - in fact she's been pissing me off for while now - and it's finally time to vent! This woman is the same age as me (40) and is really skinny (7 stones / 98lbs). She's always been skinny, and has never dieted a day in her life, though she eats crap all day long. Doughnuts, cold pizza, sweets, pasties, eclairs - it's all she ever seems to eat, and she never gains a pound. Bitch. Only (half) kidding. Heh heh. Lately she's taken up running, and she now acts as if she's Paula fucking Radcliffe...but I guess that's not important re what I'm talking about today. But Bitch! again, just 'cos I feel like it! Anyway, what's getting my goat is the fact that instead of resting on her own skinny-arse laurels, she's developed an annoying habit of constantly making snidey comments about my weight. She says things like: "I suppose you've... Sat, 08 Apr 2006 17:52:36 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Help-Am-I-Being-Paranoid/121/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Help-Am-I-Being-Paranoid/121/ Today's Weight  171.0lbs  ********* This post has little to do with fat-slaying so feel free to skip over it. I have something to mull over and as I don’t have a generic journal this is the only place I have to write it all down. This is likely to be a VERY long, incoherent and garbled post, so I advise readers either to jump to the next post, or bear with me in my ramblings…   I’ve written before about how weight conscious my family is, and how praise is dished out or withheld depending on whether weight is being lost or gained. Because it’s my turn to lose, I’ve been gaining lots more parental approval, and it makes me feel hugely uncomfortable and resentful. I don’t feel that I’m a better or worthier person because I’m losing weight and, by the same token, I tried hard not to feel like a worse or less worthy person when I was gaining weight. I don’t feel my weight or size are appropriate indicators of worth, and I resent the implication... Mon, 03 Apr 2006 19:45:20 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Non-Fat-Reflections/120/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Non-Fat-Reflections/120/ Today's Weight  172.0lbs  ********* Spring is here, and it’s a beautiful day today! I walked for an hour on the beach before work and again at lunchtime, and I’m going to try and walk for 3 hours each day (as often as I can - I'm not promising miracles!) for the rest of the summer.   I'll be working so many hours hunched at a computer screen that it'll be beneficial to break the day into chunks, and 3 hours in the fresh air will do marvels for my spirits. I do love me some walking in the great outdoors.   I reckon that if I supplement my usual lunchtime hour with extra hours before and after work I’ll really start to see the benefit, and it will fit into my schedule better than trying to get in gym-time or something more purely cardio-based.   Kim usually walks with me after work on summer evenings, so that will hardly seem like something onerous. As for the mornings, getting up an hour earlier will be a drag, but... Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:10:45 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Clean-Habits/119/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Clean-Habits/119/ Today's Weight  172.5lbs  ********* I’ve been slacking lately, and I’ve gained 3lbs. Shame on me! It’s always the same when I’ve been on holiday – it takes me a few days to get back in the saddle. I have a few measly bad days and suddenly my fat cells wake up from their hibernation and grab hold of all the extra calories with a death-grip, and my taste-buds start to remind me how much I like eating chilli-burgers and chocolate brownies, and how tired I’ve become of bran-flakes and mung beans.   Holidays are always my undoing…I start eating crap and stop exercising, and within a couple of days I feel like a beached whale. A mere 10 days ago I was feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed, now I feel like road kill. It shouldn’t take a doctorate in particle physics to understand the simple concept that if I eat crap I’ll start feeling like crap, so when am I going to learn that lesson?   If someone offered me the options of a) feeling... Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:25:04 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/A-Case-of-the-Blahs/118/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/A-Case-of-the-Blahs/118/ Today's Weight  170.0lbs  ********* I'm back from six days of visiting friends and relations on the South Coast - six days of eating out twice a day, six days of hardly getting any exercise, six days of having no routine, six days of feeling I have to make excuses for not getting as drunk as a skunk, six days of not being able to arrange my day, and of having to dance to someone else's tune instead. It was a good break, but it's lovely to be home! ********* I wish I was one of those totally disciplined people who can go away on vacation and still follow a strict calorie controlled diet. For me, the break in my routine always acts as a green light to relax the reins and to let things go to hell for a few days. I make poor choices in restaurants, start snacking between meals, break my promise of taking long walks before breakfast...and end up coming home feeling jaded and under-par, with a craving for the simple things in life - fresh fruit and veggies... Thu, 23 Mar 2006 17:17:59 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/The-Acetic-Life-Not/117/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/The-Acetic-Life-Not/117/ Today's Weight  169.0lbs  ********* It’s a year since I embarked on my new healthy lifestyle, so I figured it’s time for an annual review.   The Measurable Stuff: In the past 52 weeks I’ve lost 61lbs and 4 dress sizes. I started off in a size 22, and now I’m in a size 14 (US size 10).   I’ve had 40 weeks of losses, 10 weeks without movement, and 2 gain weeks.   I’ve had 335 sub-1500 calorie days, and only 17 days when I’ve exceeded my 1500-a-day limit. The highest amount of calories I’ve eaten in one day in the past year is 2200. The lowest amount is 980 (bad girl!).   I’ve exercised for at least 45 consecutive minutes on 229 days, which means that I’ve averaged over 4 exercise sessions per week. I’ve also lifted weights regularly, started Pilates classes and done over 10,000 crunches.   I’ve lost 26.5% of my starting body weight, and my BMI has dropped by 11.5... Tue, 14 Mar 2006 19:51:43 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/A-Year-in-Review/116/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/A-Year-in-Review/116/ Today's Weight  No clue - still dogsittting without access to scales  ********* I'm still dogsitting, but Kim's parents should hopefully be home this evening. I've kept up my healthy eating habits despite the change to my routine, but getting some exercise has been difficult. So I'm feeling sluggish and fat today, and I'll be glad to get home. The guy whose funeral they've gone to dropped down dead of a massive heart attack on Monday morning. He and his wife were due to fly to Australia for a month long vacation today - as a couple it had always been their lifelong dream to go to Oz, and the poor guy missed the trip by less than a week. They never took the trip before because his wife is a bit (not even a lot!) overweight, and she always felt inhibited about visiting new places. Like many overweight people, she procrastinated about doing many of the things she would ordinarily have enjoyed, waiting for the magical day when she'd metamorphosed into a skinny person. ... Sun, 05 Mar 2006 08:49:54 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Seize-The-Day/115/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Seize-The-Day/115/ Today's Weight  172.0lbs  ********* I had a bit of an epiphany last night, and to put it into context, I’ll need to give a bit of background. I had a really constricting childhood, with over-protective parents who never allowed me to spend any time alone and unsupervised. I lived my life under the watchful gaze of not only them, but also that of my 4 older siblings (three of us shared a bedroom), and it seemed as if I never had a single moment of private and solitary peace in the whole of my first 15 years. Because I was overweight from infancy, my mom also monitored every single morsel of food that I ate, and blamed me constantly for gaining weight. I’m sure she thought – wrongly – that I was sneaking contraband food behind her back, and getting fat through sheer unadulterated greed. In reality she herself was the main cause of the problem, since her idea of healthy foods – homemade shortcrust or puff pastry meat and potato pies, toasted... Fri, 03 Mar 2006 18:01:02 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Fantasy-Feast/114/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Fantasy-Feast/114/ Today's Weight  172.0lbs  ********* The wedding was fabulous! My sister looked radiant and beautiful, the groom looked dashing, the barn dance was a hoot and there was only one (mild) fight towards the end of the evening, when two of my feuding relations duked it out in the car-park. All told, I’d call that a successful wedding.   After much reflection, I’ve decided to break the whole anonymity thing, and post a link to the photos on Flickr. It’s not as if I ever write anything horrible on here about my family, or say anything that would mortify me if any of my friends and family discovered this site, so where’s the harm? I’m so proud of my lovely sister, and I want to share with you all how beautiful she looked. The link’s here (and also on the sidebar) if anyone is interested enough to follow it.   I got a pleasing amount of compliments on my outfit, and how much weight I’d lost, and as a result I was feeling pretty swell all day.... Mon, 27 Feb 2006 17:38:28 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/And-the-greatest-of-these-is-love/113/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/And-the-greatest-of-these-is-love/113/ Today's Weight  172.0lbs  ********* Hallelujah, someone’s finally noticed that I’m losing weight! I was getting paranoid that somehow the loss of 58lbs (or 25.2% of my original body mass) was unnoticeable on my 5 foot 1” tall frame. But now, finally, I’ve had an “OMIGOD, you’ve lost a lot of weight!” conversation, and I feel pretty damn ego-boosted, if the truth be told.   It’s good to have a bit of an ego-boost today of all days, because tomorrow is my sister’s wedding, and the consequent gathering of the clan. In such a weight-conscious family it’s inevitable - when we’re all togged out in our wedding finery - that glances will be cast and comments (complimentary or derogatory) passed. The air will be thick with sibling insecurity and parental judgmentalism, and in the face of that I need all the ego-boosting I can get!   I felt SO ugly and lumpy and unattractive at the last wedding I went to back in August last year, and... Fri, 24 Feb 2006 20:11:50 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Tomorrow-s-A-Big-Day/112/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Tomorrow-s-A-Big-Day/112/ Today's Weight  173.0lbs  ********* I dislike myself intensely today - I’m ashamed and disgusted at myself for being such a yellow-bellied coward.   I work in the finance department of an NHS hospital, and this morning I had a meeting with the Director of Finance and the Director of Patient Services. We were discussing the alert status of the hospital (we were on black alert, which means that things were very very dire with not a single bed available in the hospital and folks queuing in A&E for a place to lie down), and the conversation turned to demand management as the way to solve the capacity problem in the longer term.   The conversation went something like this:   Director of Finance (DoF):      One way to reduce demand would be to refuse to treat patients who smoke or who are grossly fat. It’s not fair that they block beds from more deserving patients when they’ve bought their condition on... Mon, 20 Feb 2006 21:50:13 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Yellow-Bellied/111/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Yellow-Bellied/111/ Today's Weight  173.5lbs  ********* Around 5 years ago my friend Angela left her husband because of his inability to tackle his severe weight problem.   He was only 34 years old at the time, but he was clinically obese – he weighed 30 stones (420lbs) – and he had significant co-morbidities (angina, hypertension, diabetes). His hospital consultant had warned him that he wouldn’t live to see his forties if he didn’t do something about his weight. He’d already had the toes of one foot amputated because of his diabetes, and he’d been told in no uncertain terms that his future would be blighted by further amputations, renal failure and blindness if he didn’t get to grips with his diabetes, and control his sugar intake.   The guy (I’ll call him ‘Dave’) was a lovely gentle man, who my friend loved deeply. However, she found it increasingly difficult to tolerate his complete disavowal of his health problems. He didn’t work because he... Sun, 19 Feb 2006 18:53:48 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Tough-Love/110/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Tough-Love/110/ Today's Weight  173.5lbs  ********* Check out the new number – I’ve lost 3.5lbs this week! In the end I couldn’t bring myself to raise my calories significantly so I compromised by having a couple of higher calorie days followed by a couple of lower calorie days, and it appears to have jolted me off my plateau. Now I just hope I’m not stuck on 12 stones 5.5lbs for the next 9 weeks…   I’m trying to see this set-back as a positive learning experience, because it’s taught me a lot about patience and taking a long term view. In previous weight loss attempts, a 9 week plateau would have derailed me completely and sent me diving into the Haagen Dazs. Now I’m taking a much more chilled approach, and trying to just stay calm and focused even when nothing’s going to plan. I’m damn proud of myself for not having been discouraged by seeing the same numbers week in and week out. I can tell that my clothes are getting looser, and I know I’m doing... Mon, 13 Feb 2006 22:14:01 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/The-Wisdom-of-the-Long-Distance-Dieter/109/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/The-Wisdom-of-the-Long-Distance-Dieter/109/ Today's Weight  177.0 lbs  ********* I’m fed up of stepping on the scales every morning and seeing it flash either 12st 9lbs or 12st 9.5lbs – I want to see a new bloody number!   At the weekend when the scales showed 12st 7.5lbs and 12st 8lbs I thought I’d left the realms of the 9s behind me for ever, but yesterday and today I was back up there at 12st 9lbs – which means that my weight hasn’t budged at all since the middle of December.   What’s all that about?   Why the fuck does my body just refuse to play by the laws of physics? Create a deficit between the calories you consume and the amount you burn, and you WILL lose weight, right? Isn’t that what the experts tell us?   So why isn’t it quite that straightforward and predictable?   Every day I write down every morsel (of food or drink, heh) that I put in my mouth. I never cheat. I never lie. I weigh and measure almost everything, and... Wed, 01 Feb 2006 20:51:46 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Drastic-Measures/108/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Drastic-Measures/108/ Today's Weight  175.5 lbs  ********* I’ve had a couple of pleasant surprises on the fitness front this past few days, and it’s a real ego boost to suddenly realise that I’m not as unfit and out of condition as I’d feared.   Firstly I went - drum roll, please – to my first Pilates class on Friday, and I loved it! Yes, loved it – will wonders never cease?   It helped that the instructor was a lovely lady, really down to earth and non-intimidating, and she made me feel really welcome and comfortable.   As for the ego-boosting part, I didn’t find the class hard at all, and I was able to easily keep up with everyone else without any difficulty.   The colleague I went with (who is stick thin) told me that she really struggled for her first few lessons, and she still sits out many of the challenging moves, despite three or four months of practice. I’d fully expected to be collapsed in an ignominious heap by... Mon, 30 Jan 2006 20:07:39 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Tank-Girl/107/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Tank-Girl/107/ Today's Weight  177 lbs  ********* I’m really trying hard to embrace the ‘Self-acceptance is the key to long-term weight loss’ philosophy. The self-loathing philosophy failed to get me to goal for my first 40 years, so what the hell. I’ve got to try something new, and a bit of self-acceptance is no bad thing. And if it works, so much the better!   Changes are happening, and I realised last night that I'm beginning to accept myself, and finally developing a long overdue sense of perspective. I went out with some colleagues for a quick drink after a seminar in London, and the conversation in the train on the way home went something like this:   Colleague #1:           Didn’t that woman in the pub look hideous. Me:                  ... Thu, 26 Jan 2006 20:02:09 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Self-Acceptance/106/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/Fatslayer/Self-Acceptance/106/