The Fatslayer Chronicles

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’ve got to start applying some guerrilla tactics in order to win this fat war. I reckon a frontal onslaught is doomed to failure, and that I’ve got to out-adapt, out-manoeuvre and out-wit my fat cells if I’m to stand any real chance of success.

Fat cells are like MRSA bacteria – they’re resistant little bastards! It doesn’t matter what tactics you use or what weapons you’ve got in your arsenal – they’ll simply mutate and whip your arse as soon as your back is turned. To win you’ve got to be smart – you’ve got to keep one step ahead of them and downwind.

Fighting fat cells is like fighting Borg drones (apologies to non-Trekkies who haven’t a clue what the hell I’m talking about) - they can’t be beaten in a straight fight with conventional weapons. You get one or two kills and then you have to choose a new weapon…and then another…and then another.

Adapt or die, that’s the key.

So I’ve got to learn to vary my exercise – one day turbo training, one day upper body weights, one day rebounding, one day lower body resistance training, one day sitting on the sofa pressing the buttons on the remote control…

You get the idea.

Food, too, has to be an ever-changing weapon. One day lower calories, the next day higher, one day heavy on the protein, one day high on the carbs, one day high on the fibre, etc. etc.

Confuse the hell out of the little buggers!

I’ve been stuck in a familiar rut for the past couple of months, eating the same stock of (healthy) foods day in and day out, keeping my calories religiously below 1400 per day, (though admittedly doing less and less exercise with little or no variety in how I move my body).

Now the chickens have come home to roost, and it’s plateau-ville around here.

I’ve been reluctant to change a previously successful formula, but things have started to slow down more than I’d like. Things ain’t working like they used to, and weight-loss is no longer a predictable part of the equation.

Doing what I’ve always done is no longer good enough. It’s time to be a bit braver and bit more daring, and to go out on a limb a little.

Adapt, adapt, adapt. That’s the secret - and resistance is futile!