The Fatslayer Chronicles

Well, I survived Christmas, and hopefully the worst of it is over! On Boxing Day the scales registered a 6lb gain, but by this morning it had dropped a couple of pounds – the scales this morning registered a depressing but bearable 180.0lbs – 3.5lbs higher than my lowest weight, but not so out of the ball park as to make me feel like shooting myself.

The most depressing thing is that I didn’t really eat ALL that much crap. At the time I felt as if I was being horrendously out of control, but when I think back over the past 4 days, it could have been a whole lot worse.

Let’s start with what I DIDN’T eat, ‘cos that’ll make me feel better! OK, I didn’t eat any Christmas cake, Christmas pudding, sherry trifle, stollen, shortbread, gingerbread, brandy butter, fried breakfast, bread sauce, ice-cream, yule log, cheesecake, cheese, pork pie, buttered bread or crackers, fudge, biscuits, Pringles or double cream. I also had just three glasses of red wine and one bottle of Becks over the whole holiday period.

That’s not bad, right?

What I DID eat over the 5 festive days (including my mini-blow out on Friday at work) was…. 9 plain Thornton’s chocolates, two small buttered sultana scones, three dark-chocolate-nut-cluster chocolates from Hotel Chocolat, 12 Cadbury Roses, 100g of Walkers Indulgence crisps (Roast Pork and Mustard flavour), 5 mince pies  - each with a splash of Elmlea Light Single cream (not all at the same meal!), 25g of salted peanuts and 25g of Twiglets. Oh, and a bacon sandwich for Christmas Day breakfast on (gasp) pre-packaged white bread with Daddies sauce– but the bread was unbuttered and the bacon was grilled - honest, guv’nor!

Hell, that sounds like a lot of food...but it is a definitive list of all the naughty stuff from 4am on Friday 23rd until this very moment (14.40 pm on Wednesday 28th). So it sounds like a lot, but in reality I'm sure it would hardly have kept a sparrow alive. Heh heh.

Yeah, right.

I'm glossing over the fact that I also ate a big dollop of bubble and squeak fried in a teaspoonful of sunflower oil (Boxing Day lunch – yum yum!) and I had two (halves) of a roast potato, half of a roast parsnip and a mini Aunt Bessie Yorkshire pud with my Christmas turkey. But I also ate fresh veggies, fresh fruit, high-fibre crispbread, lean ham, tomato juice and pickles, so I think they must cancel out the bad stuff, don’t you?

All in all, I reckon I could have done better, but I could have done a lot worse too.

It may seem a bit odd of me to be writing this down so exactly but a) I’m an accountant so I can’t help myself, and b) I want a complete record of my transgressions, so that when I look back on this entry in 11.5 months time I’ll see that a slight fall from the wagon doesn’t undo 9 months of solid hard work.

Deep down I was scared in the run up to Christmas that if I started to slide down the slippery slope that I’d never be able to arrest the momentum. Hell, that’s my track record. I’ve been there and done that a dozen times, sliding all the way down to rock bottom, then wallowing in the sludge for months or years before I can summon the enthusiasm to start hauling my fat arse back up the slope again.

So in a way it’s a huge relief that not only do I feel back on track today, but I’m also champing at the bit to get back into healthy habits. If I’m being totally honest it was nice to relax and run a little wild, but it didn’t make me feel good, either bodily or mentally. By Boxing Day I was already feeling sluggish and below par, and I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and get some fresh air and exercise.

So maybe there’s hope for me yet.

Anyway, I hope everyone else out there had a good Christmas and that, like me, you’re all raring to get back in the saddle.

Or maybe you were all little angels, and never let your halos slip in the first place?