Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Today's Weight 206.5.0lbs
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Darn scales bumped me back up the pound I lost yesterday - I think they hate me!
Oops, just remembered I'm not supposed to be getting hung up on the number on the scale. Fuck it. Ok, ok, deep breath - alrighty, I am serene again. Bloody scales have no power over me...
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I've just got back from an hour long cycle ride - apart from coming home with the whole of my front covered with bugs (even sticking to the sweat on my face - lovely) it was really enjoyable. I got into some kind of cadence on the pedals and tried to keep up the same rhythm on the hills as I was doing on the flat, and I felt pretty good. Almost athletic, even.
In my mind's eye I see myself as some sort of sporty, fit young thing - as long as I keep away from reflective surfaces I can convince myself pretty well. What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over...
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Speaking of mirrors (we were?) I realised something about myself today - I don't see myself in them. Not in the vampire sense - I just never seem to look at myself in them. Is that weird? I found this out because a kindly soul at work had the honesty to tell me that I had something stuck between my two front teeth. I took myself off to the toilet to sort myself out, stood in front of the mirror, took a long look (I thought), and went back to my office confident I could now smile with impunity. My co-worker looked a tad embarrassed (for me, probably, at my ineptitude) and said - ahem - it's still there.
Can you believe it? I'd gone to the toilet specifically to look in the mirror, had stood in front of it, and hadn't focused on my reflection at all!
God only knows what I was focusing on - there was no diverting graffitti, no drawings of male genitalia, no fascinating condom flavours to tickle my fancy - there was just me and a mirror, alone and unobserved, and I didn't even look at myself!
This non-looking habit possibly explains why K is always having to gently point out to me when I have bogeys hanging out of my nostrils, or sticky-up hair, or spinach between my teeth (its coming across strongly how attractive I am, huh?) - obviously I'm a serial eye averter.
Is this a fat thng, do you think? D'you think I just don't look because I don't like seeing my double chins and my lovely chubby chops? Will I suddenly start doing a 'Mirror Mirror on the Wall' routine when I consider myself slim and gorgeous enough?
I'll have to let you know if my behaviour changes as I get closer to goal - see if the mirror and I finally start to bond. In the meantime, I'll just have to rely on other people to point out my grooming failures, since I don't seem to be capable of keeping myself clean and presentable!
