The Fatslayer Chronicles

Apr 8, 2006 at 17:52 o\clock

Help - Am I Being Paranoid?

Today's Weight 169.5lbs


OK, I'm going to rant. One of the women in my office really pissed me off yesterday - in fact she's been pissing me off for while now - and it's finally time to vent!

This woman is the same age as me (40) and is really skinny (7 stones / 98lbs). She's always been skinny, and has never dieted a day in her life, though she eats crap all day long. Doughnuts, cold pizza, sweets, pasties, eclairs - it's all she ever seems to eat, and she never gains a pound.


Only (half) kidding. Heh heh.

Lately she's taken up running, and she now acts as if she's Paula fucking Radcliffe...but I guess that's not important re what I'm talking about today. But Bitch! again, just 'cos I feel like it!

Anyway, what's getting my goat is the fact that instead of resting on her own skinny-arse laurels, she's developed an annoying habit of constantly making snidey comments about my weight.

She says things like:

"I suppose you've given up the diet now, haven't you? I expect you don't have much willpower or you'd have done something about your size before you started blocking out the sun.."; or

"I would've thought you'd have quit by now, 'cos it must be hard when you're naturally a bit greedy"; or

"was it Kim who encouraged you to lose weight? I expect he was ashamed to be seen out with you when you were at your fattest. I can't say I blame him. But he must be really proud of you now...", or

"it must be so hard fighting against that natural impulse to just stuff your face all day, that made you so big in the first place. I really admire you!"....

All her comments are said with such apparent innocence that it's hard to pick her up on the hidden insults, and I'm beginning to wonder whether I'm just being paranoid, and she's not really having a dig at all.

Yesterday she was complaining about lethargy during her runs, and another colleague (and fellow runner) advised her to eat a banana an hour or so before running. He said that a banana is a naturally low-fat source of carbs and potassium, and then added that a small banana contained only about 100 calories. 

"Oh I wouldn't know anything about that sort of thing," she said, with a glance at me, "and I wouldn't care even if I did know. If I like a food, I'll eat it even if it has a thousand calories. If you ask me, only Billy Bunters (another glance at me) and anorexics worry about calories - they've got nothing better to think about. Look at me, I've never had a weight problem and I've never counted a calorie in my life! People should forget about counting calories and just stop eating like pigs..."

Man, I was so furious I could have killed her! I don't know if she timed her comment deliberately, because I had a meeting at my desk and therefore couldn't retaliate. By the time my visitors had left she'd gone home for the weekend, and I never got a chance to tackle her about it.

But I know that even if I do say something, she'll give me the saccharine treatment, and tell me I'm being paranoid and oversensitive.

So - am I being oversensitive?

I can't tell - I need a neutral opinion!

I don't want to confront her about her attitude on Monday if I'm just imagining things...but on the other hand, if she's meaning to be insulting, I don't want to give the impression I'm a spineless doormat.

She's my most junior staff member, and I don't want her to think she's got me on the ropes, but I'm also afraid of overreacting...

Help!! I'm seriously in need of an impartial viewpoint!

Comments for this entry:

  1. YP1 wrote at Apr 8, 2006 at 18:16 o\clock:I don\'t think you\'re being paranoid or oversensitive at all, she sounds like she\'s going way beyond \"innocent\" comments to me.
  2. lynettecw wrote at Apr 8, 2006 at 21:38 o\clock:Innocent? You\'ve got to be kidding. That is pure unveiled hostility. Of course she\'ll say you\'re being too sensitive because, relatively speaking, you\'re 100% more sensitive than she is. What a bitch with a capital \"B\". No kidding. So sorry you have to put up with that. You\'re doing great. Love the wedding pictures!
  3. dietgirl wrote at Apr 9, 2006 at 00:17 o\clock:no paranoia! no oversensitivity! she\'s being a blatant goddamn bitch! there is no other word for it. what is her bloody problem? and she is junior staff? how can she think that she can talk to you like that? goodness, i don\'t know how you haven\'t smacked her down, what a piece of work...
  4. gray wrote at Apr 9, 2006 at 03:25 o\clock:i just signed up for a blogigo account so i could comment and say SHE IS BEING A HUGE BITCH. absolutely bitter and snide and insensitive and inappropriate for the workplace. the part about your husband not wanting to be seen with you in public? that is 100% not on.

    i just found this diary and i love it. your writing very meach speaks to me and i\'ve been enjoying reading it. :)
  5. notthatleelou wrote at Apr 10, 2006 at 16:27 o\clock:I\'ve known a few super-thin people who made a huge show of eating a lot in front of others. And it was just a show - both people I\'m thinking of were doing it to hide super-disordered eating. Work is really only a third of someone\'s day, which leaves a lot of time for starving, purging, etc. If someone makes a big deal out of eating 800 calories at work, that may be all she\'s eating. And then she\'s got some weird self-loathing jogging program that she hasn\'t even got the energy to carry out. But yes, she\'s nasty to let some of her own self hatred slop over onto you. You live your life honestly - dieting in public - and she could never do that. That must really piss her off.
  6. PastaQ wrote at Apr 10, 2006 at 22:03 o\clock:Since she seems to be really obsessed with weight, it may be best to turn her passive agressive techniques against her. The next time you see her eating a donut say something like \"You must really be enjoying the donuts lately because it looks like you\'ve put on a couple pounds.\" Then throw in a comment to make it sound like a compliment, even though it\'s not, like \"But it looks good on you, you could use a bit of padding!\" I bet it will secretly drive her nuts :)
  7. BethK wrote at Apr 11, 2006 at 17:59 o\clock:Wow. The Passive Aggressive from Hell, all right. If it makes you feel any better, I suspect that she\'s doing this because she feels threatened by you. There\'s another woman in the office getting attention and the girl\'s fragile little ego can\'t handle it. Know her for the insecure, immature, freak that she is!

    One technique for dealing with bullies like her is to, very calmly and with the same faux innocence she employs, ask her to explain herself. She won\'t be expecting it and she\'ll sputter like a tomato on a hot skillet. She makes a snarky comment, you start by asking: \"What do you mean?\" If she continues, the next question is: \"Really? Why would you think that?\" Then, \"My, you really seem facinated by this subject. Why is that?\" Then, \"I guess I\'m just trying to understand why this subject is so important to you. You seem to bring it up a lot.\" Finally, you just give her the \"Whatever\" shrug and get back to work. Don\'t feel like you have to defend yourself to her, either. Make her defend herself to you. Chances are, she\'s not bright enough to continue the charade of niceness and will drop it quickly especially if there are other people around.

    She wants to make you feel bad and she\'s not expecting you to call her on it. This way, you are confronting her, but you\'re not giving her a scene. If there\'s anyone you can practice this with it also helps.

    Also, you\'re doing awesome! Living well is the best revenge.
  8. Debra wrote at Apr 12, 2006 at 01:31 o\clock:Definitely Passive-Aggressive, which does not make her any less of a Bitch. I agree with Beth K that you should ask her what she means and follow the trail to her inevitable blank expression. She has no reason for what she thinks because she is clearly NOT thinking.
  9. NicoleW wrote at Apr 12, 2006 at 04:04 o\clock:I ... you ... wha ... she ... aaaack! (That\'s me, spluttering over this entry.) I like BethK\'s advice; just keep putting the little shit on the spot until she backs the hell off, and don\'t let her play \"innocent\".

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